An Escape to a New Reality
by SamuraiGrl89
Summary: May is a Japanese American who fell in love. When her love breaks her heart while on a camping trip in Tuolomne, she just wants to escape. But during a hike, May finds she has escaped to a whole new reality. Kili, OFC, Fili.
1. Heartbreak

When I initially agreed to come with Danny to go camping, I was excited and nervous beyond words. It would be our first trip together. Just us, alone. Not that there was anything wrong with that. I've gone on trips with my friends many times, just not with Danny. Danny was more than just a friend. I have been in love with Danny for more that 3 years and things between us seemed to be better than ever. He became more attentive, more affectionate. Maybe…just maybe my affections will be reciprocated this time.

The 8 hours up to Tuolumne meadows was more fun than when I had went up the last 6 times with my parents. We talked about everything and anything. But mostly about the Hobbit. He had never read the book, so for most of the ride I was informing him the difference between the movie and the book. He would call me a nerd but I didn't care. He always told me he loved how geeky I was. It was like a dream. By the time we had reached our campsite in Tuolumne, we were reminiscing about our other hang outs, and making plans for when I would finally move closer to him in a few months. But just like any dream, one would have to wake up sooner or later. I would have preferred later. Not an hour after we had set up the tent an old Honda Accord pulled up to our campsite. Looking at the car, I noticed three people inside the car. One person I recognized away being Richard, Danny's friend who he had once introduced me to last year. Richard got out of the front passenger side and waved at me as he walked over to Danny. I nodded with a smile.

Ok, what the hell? Weird coincidence. I thought as I watched Danny grab Richards hand and pull him into a hug. I turned to see the other people getting out of the car. The driver was a young mexican guy wearing baggy clothes and reminded me of the cholo wanna-be's I would often see when I was in high school. He popped the tun as he got out of the car. Without looking at me or Danny, he walked over the back and began taking camping gear out. The right back passenger doors opened and my heart stopped. I felt nauseated.

_No. Please not her. Anyone but her._

A young African American girl got out of the car with a smile on her face. After adjusting her very tight black top and faded skinny jeans she turned to Danny.

"Hey sexy!" She walked over to him swaying her hips and a predatory look on her face. Danny laughed as he hugged her tight. I watched in shock, as they held each other before Danny led her away from the camp. I felt sick. _Why is she here?_

"Hey May." I looked to my right and saw Richard looking at me with a smile. I gave a small smile back.

"Hey…" I took a deep breath and turned to him, "how have you been?"

"Been good. You missed the cheesecake I made last week." He said laughing. I laughed. Richard was always baking or cooking something from what Danny tells me.

"Dang! Sorry I missed it. Maybe next time." I laughed as we walked over to the car. I noticed that the driver had already pulled out the some duffle bags from his trunk and was trying to get out the bag that, I assumed, contained their tent. Quickly I helped grab the other end so we could readjust it so the ends wouldn't scrape against the walls of the trunk. Once we managed to take it out, we laid it down next to the tent I brought for me and Danny.

He stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans as he looked up at me. "Thanks. I'm Leo." Slowly I got up and slightly bowed my head. "May. No problem. Anything else you need help taking out?" We both looked at the car and looked around. "No seems like we got everything out. Just need to set up the tent." I nodded and kneeled down to start taking out the tent supplies.

"Where did Danny go?" Richards voice drifted from the car. I looked around. Danny still hasn't come back with her. The pain came back and I could feel a lump form in my throat. So i decided to ignore Richards question. I let out a shaky breath and started setting up the tent. I don't know if Leo and Richard were talking with each other, all I know is that I was putting up the tent alone. It didn't matter to me, I had helped my dad set up our tent so many times, that I had no issues putting in the stakes and getting the poles situated in the tent loops. It wasn't until I tried putting it up, that I realized I needed some help and I was about to call out to Richard when I heard laughing.

I looked up and saw Leo, Richard, Danny and the girl standing next to the bon fire pit. Danny had his arms wrapped around the girl's waist. Both wearing identical smiles. Slowly I got up and walked over. I was numb.

The girl looked over at me and smiled. "Hey! I'm Michelle…" _I know who you are._ "thanks for helping the guys." I bowed my head and smiled.

"No problem." I said softly as I looked at Danny who's eyes were gleaming with happiness. I took a breath and smiled "Hey Danny could you help me get stuff out of the car?"

Danny looked at me puzzled but soon enough understood what I wanted. "Yeah. Be right back." He kissed her cheek as he followed me over to our car a few feet away.

"Seriously?! Danny what the hell is going on?" I hissed at him, my back to the others. Danny's smile left his face.

"What do you mean?" I shook my head in shock. "Why are they here? Why is she here?!"

"I asked them to come." My head spun. He what?! "Ok….why?"

"Look when you told me about this place, I thought it would be perfect to bring her here. So when I asked her she agreed!" Danny said smiling.

My mouth dropped and I could feel my pulse race. "So why didn't you ask me here if you just wanted to spend time with her?" Danny shrugged and looked down. "She wouldn't come unless Richard and Leo came. Since you knew this place better, I thought that you know…You could show us around."

My head was spinning. This is a nightmare. This can't be happening. "But you…You kissed me and we cuddled…" I couldn't breathe.

"Come on May. We were just having fun. Remember?" I looked up at him in shock. Danny looked at me with concern. "I can't give up on her. She said she finally wants to give us a chance." He gave me a hug and walked back to the group. I don't know for how long I stood there staring at the ground. We were just having fun. Remember? The words kept repeating in my head. I needed to get away. I needed to leave right then and there.

I looked over to the group who were getting a fire started. Opening my car door, I grabbed my ipod and jean jacket before I walked around the car to the group. "Danny I'm going for a walk I'll be back in about an hour." As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted it because now everyone was staring at me. I try my best to swallow the lump in my throat and to force to tears to not show.

"What? By yourself?" Danny asked getting up. "Yea, I know where I'm going. Don't worry. I just want to go explore." My voice is shaky. I pat his arm and turn. Tears begin to flow down my cheeks and I jog away from the camp site.

By the time I reach the road me and Danny had driven on to reach the campgrounds, I am finding it hard to breathe. Running while crying isn't a great idea but I can't deal with Danny right now.

Images of him and her kissing, snuggling. I choke back a cry. New tears falling down my cheeks. I bring the back of my hand to my mouth to hold back the sounds of my sobs. Not seeing any cars coming or any other hikers on the meadows, I run cross the road and walk over to the trail that me and my parents had walked along so many times before.

I don't know how long I run for. I just kept running until I reached a site I hadn't seen in years. A large river flowing through a now rocky glacier. Panting and trying to get past the burning in my legs and check I slowly make my way over to the river's edge. By now, I had no more tears to let out. I was too exhausted from trying to run up the trail that I just sat in silence. It has always been a breath taking view. The water was so clear and blue against the white of the rock. The sound of the river flowing and the birds chirping. So peaceful and yet, I could only feel sorrow and heartbreak for the man I loved had chosen another.

_She's always used him, always taken advantage…why doesn't he see that I am here and that I love him… _I scoffed. Of course I knew why. Because he only saw me as someone to have fun with. Not someone he could be serious with. I just wish I could get away. I pulled out my ipod and clicked on the app of the Hobbit.

_If I can't physically escape, at least the Hobbit can let my mind escape reality for a while._

I lay on my back. The heat from the rock and the sun soothed my tense body. I shivered as goosebumps formed on my skin. Holding up my ipod I began to read, but it wasn't long before I would succumb to exhaustion and drift to sleep.

_Shit! How long have I been asleep? What time…_ Quickly sitting up, my thoughts paused as I looked around. The rock I had been laying on was no long there, instead it was replaced by tall grass. And no river was to be heard anywhere. _This is a dream._ I touched the ground which was cool. I looked up there was a light breeze, and the smell of fresh grass filled my nose. _This is too real to be a dream._

I shot up to my feet only to cringe as i felt a sudden soreness. Looking down I noticed that I was wearing my black high top converse. I sighed. Not only did I not know where I was but I wasn't even wearing hiking shoes. _Great…this dream sucks already._ I rubbed my eyes before looking down at myself. I was still wearing my short cropped jean jacket that I grabbed from my car and my black spaghetti strap top and short jean shorts were the same looking down at my shoes I pinched my arm hard. "Ow!" Looking up at the vast greenery. What the hell!? I should be awake now! I pinched myself again and still nothing happened. Quickly I began looking for my ipod. _My ipod won't be around in my drea… _Laying a few inches where my head had been before i sat up, was my ipod touch. My mouth went dry. _This isn't happening. This CAN'T be happening._

"Nandayo?" I whisper.

I closed my eyes praying that I would wake up but when I open them nothing happens. I curse under my breath and try to stay calm. Where ever I was, it was beautiful. Green grass everywhere, tall trees, amazingly blue sky. I was about to start walking but realization hit me. I had no idea where i was or where to go.

I frowned and looked around again for any clue as to where I could go for help. But there was nothing. Finally I looked a gathering of trees. It wasn't a forest although it could probably pass for one if more trees grew there. Nothing about it seemed dangerous. There was just something about that direction that made me think I had to go that direction.

_Why not? _I shrugged and started walking.

The trees were father away than I thought and it took about 30 minutes to reach the gathering and when I looked up at the trees, I swore that I felt shorter than usual. I don't know, maybe I was just still tired.

I continued on and it wasn't long till I found what looked like a trail. It wasn't warn in like the trail I was just on earlier today but it was still a trail.

"Ya~! AHA!" I shouted while doing my little happy dance. I'm a dork that is easily please. What more can I say? Without thinking anymore I head down the trail further into the trees.

The land was beautiful and all of a sudden I could care less about getting back. I felt calm here and smiled as I took in my surroundings. For some reason I felt like I knew this place. Not like I had personally been here before, but that I had seen it before. I shook off the feeling.

_I'm just being silly now. I hurried my pace eager to try to find a town or someone soon so I could find my way home._

Clearing a small hill I noticed a gray figure in the distance. My eyes widened and I couldn't help but freeze. I blinked a few times thinking it was a hallucination but the person was still moving. An echo of whistling just gave more evidence I wasn't mistaken. Careful not to make too much noise, I quickly moved to catch up with the figure. I held my breath as I moved down the hill.

By some miracle I had managed to catch up to the figure in gray and was about 10 feet away from him or her without the person knowing. My heart was pounding so loud, I would have sworn the person ahead of me would hear it. But I kept quiet still. I wasn't stupid and wasn't going to take any chances that this person could be dangerous.

My heart stopped when the tall figure stopped dead in their tracks. I held back a squeak and stopped. I looked around. There was no where to hide if they turned around.

_Oh god. Don't turn around…_

I took a breath and adjusted my stance. If this person was going to turn around they weren't going to see someone who was meek. No matter how petrified I was. But the figure didn't turn around. They merely let out some smoke rings which floated towards me. I watched the rings get closer before finally one turned into a butterfly and landed on my nose before it disappeared. My mouth dropped. I recognized that butterfly. It was from the Hobbit. Gandalf…

* * *

Translation:

Nandayo? = What is this about?


	2. Traveling to the Shire

_Gandalf! No. way._

Looking up I saw the old man had turned his head around. It was him. It was Gandalf and more specifically it was Ian Mckellen dressed as Gandalf._Majide?!_

"My dear. Why are you following me?" _He spoke! To me! He spoke to me! _I looked around wondering where the cameras were, where the crew was. But I saw no one. I looked back at him. His face curious and gave no hint that this was a joke.

I looked down as I tried to process this new information, when it hit me. _I'm in the Middle Earth._ I don't know whether to be elated or to be scared out of my wits. "I'm in the Hobbit" I say under my breath.

"I beg your pardon?" I looked up at Gandalf. _Oops, forgot he was here._ I open my mouth to speak but find no words. Gandalf turns to fully face me with a look of curiosity in his eyes.

"I um…I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it…I just. Well I'm kind of…lost." He straightened and walked towards me. He was tall. Very Tall. I slowly look him up and down as he stood directly in front of me.

I looked away from him, my mouth dropped as I realized. "Ohmygod! I'm SHORT!"

"Yes I can see that." He chuckled as I quickly looked up at him. "Did you not realize this before?" Once again I gaped at him. I rubbed face with my hands. "NO…no. I mean I've always been short. But I mean 5 foot 2 inches isn't that short -"

"My girl,-" I looked up at Gandalf who was smiling down at me. "- I am sorry to inform you that who ever told you that you are 5 feet has sadly led you astray. I would say you stand no taller than 3 feet possibly less."

I'm gaping at him again. I wanted to cry. I was short. No I was tiny short._ Why? Why of all the places where people were on average shorter than me, did I have to shrink? _I cringed as I looked down and felt my shoulders slump. I didn't care if the Gandalf from the movie was staring or not.

"Is something the matter?" I looked up. The amusement on his face earlier was now replaced with a look of concern. I sighed and and shook my head. "Where were you heading before you lost your way?"

I looked up at him confused. "I wasn't heading anywhere. I was laying by a river and next thing I know I'm waking up somewhere over there?" My arm flailed over in the direction i had come from. Gandalf glanced at the direction I pointed and once again cocked an eye brow.

"Where are you from little one?" I glared Ha. ha. "Little one" thats funny. "I'm from San Diego." He said nothing and for once he was the one with a blank stare. I puffed my cheeks with air as I remembered that this wasn't my world and people from here had absolutely no idea what the United States was, let alone San Diego.

"Um…It's not anywhere near here." I told him. Gandalf nodded slowly. "I would think not. Your accent I do not recognize and your clothes are none that I have ever come across before. While you are the size of a hobbit, you are too thin and have too small of feet to be one."

I laughed at his comment. At home, I was always judged for being not thin enough. I know i'm not skinny but I wasn't fat either. So while I hated being the size of a hobbit, I was flattered that Gandalf suggested I was skinny.

"Well I am on a schedule -" His talking brought me back to the present and I looked up at him as he started walking away. "-and I am already late as it is so I must be going."

I waved good bye as he headed on his way. I didn't know if I should follow or just follow the road back to another town. "Hurry up! I wouldn't want you getting lost again." I perked up and without hesitation I jogged up to the old wizard.

It was amazing how much of a pain it was to try to keep up with the wizard with hobbit sized legs. My legs burned from running earlier were starting to tighten up. Gandalf seemed to notice because he slowed down a bit. _Thank you so much for being a mind reader._

"So tell me. What is your name my dear?" I looked up at him and bowed my head with a smile "I'm May." He smiled in return. "I am Gandalf the Gray." I wasn't sure where we were going or what age this was. Was this the third or the fourth age? "Nice to meet you, Mr. Gandalf. Just curious...where are we going?" I quickly looked back at the road uncertain what he would say or how he would react to me asking that.

"We are going to the Shire." I nodded. _Well that wasn't helpful at all._Pretty much just narrowed down where I was. But was he heading there to see Frodo or Bilbo? Was this strictly the movie universe or the book universe?

Lost in my own train of thoughts I hadn't really paid any attention to the road. I had managed to successfully follow Gandalf with little effort and it wasn't until I bumped into him that I realized we had reached the shire. I looked around. The pond, the bridge, the flowers. Everything just like in the movie. I walked forward just to the edge of the road where the tall grass grows. I could feel a smile spread across my face. There in front of me were hobbits. Women and men. Hobbit children chased each other while the adults either chatted away or were busy farming. I almost laughed, I was in such shock. This was more beautiful and amazing than the movie or book.

"Nasty uncomfortable things." I perked up at the voice and froze. I heard the shutting of the mail box and rustling of paper. "Make you late for dinner." I turned and smiled even more so than before. In front of Gandalf stood Bilbo Baggins played by Martin Freeman. _Well that confirms that I'm in the movie version of the Hobbit._ I couldn't help but laugh as I heard Bilbo "hmm and mmhmm" as he looked through his mail as if it were official business. Looking up at the now annoyed Gandalf, I bit my bottom lip to keep from laughing out loud.

"Oh! hm. Good Morning!" With a quick smoke, Bilbo rushed up the stairs to his door. "To think I should have lived to be good-morninged by Beladonna Took's son, as if I was selling buttons at the door!" I watched Gandalf step forward as Bilbo looked at him in confusion. "I beg your pardon?"

Gandalf shook his head. "You've changed Bilbo Baggins and not entirely for the better." Bilbo paused before speaking. I'm sorry do I know you?

"I'm sorry do I know you?" I smiled. I looked over at Gandalf as he looked at Bilbo incredulously. "Well you know my name, though you don't remember that I belong to it. I'm Gandalf, and Gandalf means me!"

I watched Bilbo think it over for a split second before realization hit him. "Not Gandalf the wondering wizard who made such excellent fireworks?! Old took used to have them on Midsummer's Eve." I smiled again as Bilbo chuckled and reorganized himself to look more authoritative. "I had no idea you were still in business."

The wizard's face faltered and without thinking, I laughed out loud. Immediately I froze and looked at Bilbo Baggins noticing me for the first time. _Kuso!_Last thing I want to do is get involved in this. I cringe internally as I heard Bilbo speak. "And who is this?" I give a small smile and bow my head never taking my eyes away from the soon to be hero of this adventure.

"This is May. She has lost her way and is in need of a place to stay." I gave the gray wizard a quizzical look as he nodded with certainty at Bilbo. "Well that is decided. It will be very good for you. Both of you, and most amusing for me. I shall in form the others." I looked at Bilbo who had probably the same look as I did before looking back at Gandalf.

"Yadda!" I shouted out. "No! N-no wait. We do not want any adventures here! Not today. N- I suggest you try over the hill or across the water!" Bilbo paced frantically before turning to us and bowing quickly as he opened the door. "Good morning!" I watch with my mouth open as he closed the door.

Gandalf didn't wait long before he opened Bilbo's gate and walked up the small stairs. Carving a rune letter on the door, I cocked my head. _Oh I remember what happens next. Poor Mr. Baggins. He's gonna lose his food._ I bit my lip as I watched Gandalf hurry back to me.

"I shall be back after dark. You will be safe waiting here." I tried to object as Gandalf hurried back the way we came, but nothing came out.

"Majide!? I not even supposed to be here!" Of course by the time I say it Gandalf is no longer within hearing range unless I had shouted. Sighing I looked up at the hobbit hole. I was really at Bag End and I was really in the Hobbit. Reluctantly I made my way up to the door and gently knocked.

The Door opened slowly as Bilbo cautiously looked around for, I assume, Gandalf. "He's not here. He left not long ago." Bilbo straightened up and opened the door a bit wider.

"Oh. I see. And yet you're still here." I ducked my head.

"He left without me. Sorry to bother you. He told me to stay and I have no where else to go. I just thought, maybe I could rest for a bit here until he gets back." I bit my lip again and hoped he would spare me from going out on my own. I'm fine with being alone but as hard as it was to admit, I was scared. I didn't know this world aside from what I have read and seen in the movies. Which aside from the Shire are not fun looking places.

I looked at Bilbo who seemed to show sympathy as he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He nodded and slowly stepped aside. "Will you come in?" I let out the breath that I wasn't aware I was holding and smiled. As I entered I remembered the beginning when the dwarves enter and quickly turn to Bilbo who jumps at my actions.

I bow at the waist and come back up with a smile "May. At your service." Bilbo gives me an amused and curious look before bowing to me. "Bilbo Baggins, at yours. Although, I must say it is very unusual for a lady to say this." I blush and duck my head. "Sorry." Bilbo laughs and leads me to the dinning room. "Oh no. Don't be sorry. I assume you are not from around here."

I nod and sit at the table. It's tall enough for me and looking at Bilbo, Gandalf was right. Bilbo is 3 feet tall and I'm probably an inch shorter. Nothing seems to be different from the movie. Its almost as if I was transported to the movie itself and not the world that J.R.R Tolkien created. I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Quickly I look at Bilbo Baggins who seems very concerned.

"What? What's wrong?" I asked slowly getting up. Bilbo shakes his head as if not believing what I just said. "No nothings wrong with me. I asked you where you were from but you couldn't seem to hear me. Is everything alright?"

I pushed my thoughts away and nodded. "Yeah. Sorry, just lost in thought." Bilbo nodded and placed a tea pot over the fire. Staring into the fire I began to think about what to do next. I didn't know how long I was going to be here and had no idea how to get back home. _Maybe I died. Maybe thats why I'm here, because I died and this is my idea of heaven? Wait. What!? That's stupid._ I shook my head and pinched the ridge of my nose.

"Mr. Baggins." Bilbo looked up from setting up the tea cups for me and him. "Would it be ok if I lay down? I'm just feeling a little tired." Bilbo nodded "Oh. Of course." I slowly got up from the table and followed as he led to me down the hall to the guest room. I was truly amazed at how big his house was. The guest room was small but nice. A small bed was on the right wall and a small dresser opposite of it. Turning to Bilbo I thanked him and watched as he walked away. Not bothering to close the door, I walked over to the bed, laid on my side and quickly fell asleep.

* * *

Translations:

Majide? = Are you serious?  
Kuso = Shit  
Yadda = No


	3. Meet the Company

Rolling onto my back, I stretched. I let out a yawn and relaxed still keeping my eyes closed. I felt so much better now that I was home in bed. Camping with Danny and that stupid girl, the heartbreak, the random trip to Bag End. It was just a dream. _Weird ass dream. _Slowly, I sat up and cracked my neck before I looked at round. My eyes widened. _This isn't my room._

"Nooo!" I closed my eyes and let my head fall to my chest. I puffed up my cheeks and scratched my head in frustration. "This is a horrible horrible dream. It's like _Inception._" Hearing muffled voices, male voices, somewhere in the house, my head shot up. "Who...". The door bell ringing helped jog my memory with that question. "They're here!" Quickly I swung my feet off the bed and stood up. Damn still short. I headed to the door when something on the dresser caught my eye.

Laying folded where some folded clothes. Cocking my head slightly I walked over to them and held the top clothing up. It was a white cotton peasant top. I looked towards the door. _These weren't here before. Maybe he brought them for me? _I looked back at the clothing unsure if I should wear them or not. I didn't want to go out, only to find out that they weren't meant for me. However when I looked down at my current attire, I was probably going to get very weird stares wearing short shorts. _Hope that these are pants._ I unfolded the brown clothing and low and behold, they were pants. I shrugged and quickly got changed.

The pants were big for me but luckily I wore a belt with my shorts and quickly buckled the belt, holding the pants around my hips. I left my top on under the shirt. I didn't care what they thought, I wasn't going to let anyone see my bra. Quickly putting my hair up in a pony tail and adjust my bangs, I was relieved to find that my hair was still the same orange auburn color I had died it a week ago and the length was still the same. I laughed to myself. I probably looked strange enough for having such a different tan skin and being Asian, so you add the hair color and I must just look silly.

I looked at my shoes and pulled the pants down my hips a bit in efforts to try and hide my high tops but it was no use. They were still to short. With a shrug, I rolled up the bottom of the pant legs a couple times so they would reveal half of my calves and pulled up the collar of the shirt so it wouldn't fall off my shoulder. Looking my self over, I nodded and walked to the door. As I grabbed the door, my hands began to tremble and sweat. Excitement, fear? I wasn't sure. I just tried to shake it off and as quietly as I could, I opened the door.

Slowly I walked down the small hall way. As I turned the corner and I saw Bilbo standing in the middle of the hallway talking to what I assumed was the pantry.

"The thing is…uh… The thing is…I don't know either of you. Not in the _slightest_." The hobbit's eyes followed a whitish blue blur fly past him landing in the other room across the hall with a squish. I held back a laugh. _Blue cheese._/p

Even though I couldn't see Balin and Dwalin, I could imagine them pillaging his pantry as Bilbo apologized for his bluntness and the incredulous look as they accepted his apology.

I slowly walked over to Bilbo who looked up and saw me. "Ah. You're up I see. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, I did. Thank you." Balin and Dwalin looked out from the pantry. I nodded to them when I remembered the clothes and returned my focus to Bilbo. "Oh! And thank you. For the spare clothes." With my hands folded in front of my legs, I bowed at the waist graciously. The hobbit was going to say something when there was another ring on the door. Bilbo turned around, confused and headed towards the door. I took a few steps forward looking at the front door then looking at Dwalin and Balin, gave a small smile and a slight bow of my head.

"Fili"

"And Kili."

"At your service." I walked over to towards Bilbo, straining my neck to try and get a peek of the two nephews of Thorin. "You must be Mr. Boggins!" I smiled as Bilbo denied and tried to close the door on them. The young brown haired dwarf swiftly stopped Bilbo from doing so pushing the door wide open and with concern on his face asked if it had been canceled. "No one told us." Fili stated looking at his brother then back at Bilbo.

"Can-? No! Nothing's been canceled." He said shaking his head in confusion and frustration. "Well that's a relief" Kili smiled and shoved his way in. Fili strutted in after. I laughed a little as I watched Bilbo get irritated as Kili started wiping his boots on his mother's glory box, while at the same time trying to keep his balance as Fili piled his weapons into Bilbos arms. _Ugh, thank god this isn't my house. I'd be pissed if I saw them walk in with muddy shoes._ With a shake of my head, I walked up to Bilbo who struggled to keep his hold of the weapons.

"Here let me help you." Forgetting how small I was, the weapons were slightly heavier and larger than I anticipated.

"Thank you. Least someone here has some manners." I stood up and turned to Bilbo with a smile. Carefully setting the weapons down on the glory box, my smile faltered when I saw the two young princes staring at me with a weird look. "What?"

"I am impressed a little lady like yourself could carry the load so easily, while Mr. Baggins seemed to struggle." Fili said with a smirk. I glared at the "little" comment. Hate being short. But I brushed if off and gave a tight smile.

"Oh." Letting out a nervous laugh, I scratched the back of my head. "Yea...I'm used to doing heavy lifting." The two princes exchanged a look of surprise. Puffing my cheeks, I quickly brought my hands infront of me and gave a small quick bow. Fili opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Dwalin, as he walked past me and up to Kili.

"Fili. Kili. Come on give us a hand." I watched Kili look up at Dwalin in surprise and awe as Dwalin lead him to the kitchen. Fili following close behind. I looked over at Bilbo and saw his jaw slacked. I smiled and shook my head as I walked over to him. I lay a gentle hand on his shoulder. Quickly looking at me, his features softened. But bringing his focus back to the dwarves, I could feel his body tense.

"-otherwise we'll never get everyone in." Bilbo stormed over to the dinning room entrance. "What?! Everyone?! How many more are there?" At that the door rang. Without giving Bilbo a chance to state there are too many dwarves in his dining room, I walked over to the door and open it. Sure enough Bifur, Bofur, Bomber, Oin, Gloin, Ori, Dori, and Nori all stumbled onto the floor. Each were complaining for the other to get off. I giggled and looked up at Gandalf. "Hello Gandalf." Gandalf bent down and smiled.

"May. You seem well." He looked down as the Dwarves started getting themselves up. I recognized the hatted figure slowly get up to his knees as Bufor. I grabbed his arm and helped him up. "Oh. Thank you, lass." I bowed my head as he straightened up. _Even here I'm the shortest. Greeat._ I rolled my eyes, and looked at Gandalf who finally stepped through the door. He smiled at me and in no time at all I was being shoved as the Dwarves rushed to the pantry to grab up whatever Bilbo had and move it to the dinning room.

I watched from the hall way. 12 dwarves walked back and forth from the pantry to the dining hall. I had no idea what food they grabbed but watching Bomber carry the three wheels of cheese, I laughed. Poor Bilbo tried desperately to get the dwarves to put things back and Gandalf was of no help. Looking around, I began to feel guilty as I realized, I wasn't helping out either. Moving to the traffic of dwarves, I stopped and shook my head. _What the hell? Why am I feeling guilty? It's just a dream. _I took a step back and just watched in silence. They say that when you watch the 48 frame rate version of The Hobbit, you feel like you're in the film and its true. But nothing could prepare one for experiencing this.

It took less than an hour for everything to be out and the dwarves to be seated and diving for the food. I stood in the entry way and looked on in fascination. _It's exactly like the movie...Except I'm in it...and they can see me..._ Staring at the food, my stomach growled. The temptation to see if I could eat in my dream grew strong, but watching all the dwarf grab at everything and stuff their faces, I grimaced. _Suddenly I'm not so hungry anymore._

"Bomber catch!" I looked Bofur threw a hard boiled egg at Bomber. Catching it in his mouth, everyone cheered. Despite the egg crumbling in his beard as he chewed, I couldn't help but smile. _Ok. That was pretty impressive. Still gross...but impressive_ Watching as Fili got up and walked to the neighboring room, I suddenly remembered he had gotten ale for the dwarves as he walked across the table stepping on the food. The thought made me shiver. Feeling a nudge against my back, I spun around nearly making Fili spill the filled jugs. Staring at him I couldn't remember my dreams being so detailed and clear. _Oh god. This is reality. Okashiku nary soda._

"Are you alright?" I swallowed noticing my mouth had gone dry and nodded. "Yea sorry. Just got lost in thought." I gave him a smile and hoped he would just leave it alone. Thankfully he seemed convinced and nodded. "Alright up you go." The blonde dwarf placed his arm on my back, nudging my towards the table.

"Muo!?"

The word made him pause for a second before he shook his head and pushed me forward. "Step up." I tried backing up but the blond dwarf was strong. Bofur noticed what Fili was trying to do stood up. To think he was going to help me was a mistake on my part as he lifted me up on to the table. Did I mention how much I HATE being short? Multiply that by 10 and that was how much I hated being up on a stage. Of any kind.

I quickly scanned the room and saw not a single space to sit at. Panic set in and I couldn't move. _Otteokaji?!. Otteokaji?! I can't move. I need to get down. Please get me down. I can't breathe._ I jumped as someone grabbed my shoulders. Looking up, my wide eyes met Kili's. Frowning, he gently pulled me towards the edge of the table. I could see Nori and Ori watching me from the corner of my eye as they scooted down the bench. Kili took my hand in his as I stepped on to the bench with shaky legs and only when I sat down did I feel wave of relief run through me.

"Are you alright?" Fili crouched down, an ale in each hand as he stared at me with concern. Dream or not, I hated myself for feeling so vulnerable and weak. I felt a hand squeeze my hand. Kili's hand was wrapped around mine. Letting my eyes drift up, I found the he stared at me with the same look as his brother. Tearing my eyes away, I realized that silence had fallen upon the room. Looking around I saw the dwarves chugging their drinks down. Each slammed their cup down once finished followed by an echo of belches, as one would try to out belch the other. It was a gross sight but I couldn't help but laugh. Looking back at Kili, my laughter died down. No smile graced his lips as he just stared at me. Smiling nervously, I ducked my head. "I uh...Thank you."

"Your welcome. Are you alright?" I bit my lip and gave a slight nod.

"Yea. I'm good." He seemed convinced as he gave a curt nod and drank. Letting out a sigh, I met Fili's eyes. A small smile tugged at his lips as he raised a brow. I mouthed 'thank you.' and gave a small bow of my head. The dwarf returned the gesture as he raised ale and drank.

"You should eat, miss." I looked over to my right and forgot that Ori was sitting next to me as well. The dwarf pointed in front of me, and apparently during my panic attack, Ori had made me a plate of food. It was a sweet gesture. Thanking him, the dwarf smiled as he returned his focus to his own plate.

The plate was filled with more food than I was used to eating. _Ham, sausages, tomatoes and a hard boiled egg._ Leaning over, I tried to find the chicken that I had seen earlier. It took a while but I managed to find it, or more precisely remains of it, sitting at the end of the table. Sitting back, I stared at the meat that lay on my plate. _This really is a horrible dream._ It wasn't so much that I didn't like ham or sausages, but that I refused to eat them. Picking up the egg, I cautiously took a bite. The feel of my teeth sinking into the cooked egg white, as well as the taste shocked me and I began to wonder if maybe this really wasn't a dream. The volume in the room raised as the dwarves talked, and laughed amongst themselves and Gandalf. Bilbo stood in the corner of the room, pouting. He was still obviously very much irritated at the random house party and empty pantry. I didn't blame him, but smiled none-the-less.

It didn't take more than 2 minutes for the egg and tomato to be gone as I realized just how hungry I really was. Getting more food on the other hand proved to be a challenge. With all the food on the table, all the food I actually would eat was at the opposite end. Granted it was only vegetables, biscuits and fruit, but I didn't care. It wasn't ham. Several times, I tried to get the attention of Gandalf or one of the dwarves at that end of the table, however my attempts failed with the numerous bodies standing and randomly reaching around. A part of me wanted to just lean over and grab it, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. With a sigh, I straightened my back and placed my hands in my lap as I tried to make sense of this situation.

"Do you want an ale?"

Shaken from my thoughts, I found Fili once again on the table holding a mug in front of me. _What the hell? When did he get up again?_ "Uh...No thanks." With a shrug, he handed the ale to Bomber and quickly took his seat before taking a long swig of ale from his newly refilled mug. My head tilted and mouth opened as I watch the dwarf as the ale fell from the mug and slid down his braided beard.

"Why haven't you eaten?" Quickly I averted my eyes from the blonde dwarf as Kili pushed my plate closer to me. "Eat."

"Is something wrong with the meat?" What I thought was a mental grimace, was very apparent to the older of the two. Worried that the others had heard it my eyes darted back and forth, quickly looking for any looks of horror or something that would indicated Fili's question was heard. To my relief I found nothing of the sort however Fili's attention was steady as he waited for my response. "I uh...No. I don't think there is." I wanted to leave it there, but as his brows furrowed upward, I found myself rambling on. "I just...I don't like...I was going to get an apple but it's...and there's no more chicken..." _Oh my god. Someone please shoot me._

My face flushed with embarrassment as I looked down at my hands. I felt like I was back at the campsite watching Danny with that girl, horrified and wanting to do nothing but crawl in a hole and hide.

"Here you go."

A new plate was placed in front of me with an assortment of fruits and vegetables. "Will that work?" I nodded as Fili sat back down with a smile.

"Thank you."

After dinner, many of the dwarves left the table to smoke their pipes in different rooms of the house. The smell of the tobacco filled the house. I was surprised that this bothered me. I didn't seem bothered by the smell of the dwarves, actually I didn't really notice a bad smell at all. I would have expected B.O. or something but they smelled like horses and of earth. I smiled at that realization and looked over at Balin, Ori and Bomber. I laughed as Bomber and Ori kept filling their plates while Balin at the other end of the table was smoking his pipe. I smiled as Balin look at me. He bowed his head and I did the same.

"Balin. At your service. You must be Mrs. Baggins." _Mrs. Baggins?!_ "Eeh?" He nodded. "If you'll excuse me, but why do you not tend to your husband?" I shook my head in disbelief. "He's not my husband." He laughed as he took a puff from his pipe before talking again. "Apologies Miss..."

"May...At your service..."

"How are you acquainted with Mr. Baggins?"

"I only met him today. Gandalf told me to stay here while he went to gather you all." Balin nodded as Ori got up with his plate. Keeping my eyes on him walk over to the hall way where Bilbo was now standing. My jaw slacked as Bofur, Nori, Dori and Gloin gathered around the table and soon began using their feet and utensils to create a beat. Placing my elbow on the table, I lowered my head, pressing my mouth against the back of my fingers to hide the smile the tugged at my lips.

"Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?" Bilbo just glared at Ori with his hands on his hips, he didn't notice Fili walk over nonchalantly. "Here you go Ori, give it to me." Fili threw the plate. Knowing this scene by heart, I didn't need to know that Kili caught it with one hand and threw it to Bifur. More plates began to sore through the air as Ori tossed them to Fili who threw them to Kili and then to Bifur.

My smile widened behind my hand as Bilbo became flustered with the dwarves. "A-and can you Not do that? You'll blunt them!"

"Ooh! Do you hear that lads?" Still keeping with the beat. "He's says we'll blunt the knives." And right on cue I hear Kili singing. "Blunt the knives. Bend the forks."

"Mash the bottles and burn the corks.

Chip the glass and crack the plates.

That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"

Glasses and plates were being thrown across the rooms, the dwarves sped up the music. I couldn't help but laugh and mouth the lyrics as they sang.

"Cut the cloth, tread the fat.

Leave the bones on the bedroom mat.

Pour the milk on the pantry floor.

Splash the wine on every door."

"Dump the crocks in a a boiling bowl

Pound them up with a thumping pole

And when you've finished, if they are whole,

Send the down the hall to roll!"

The music continued and more and more plates left the table and made their way to the next room. Bilbo was still frantically trying to make sure nothing got cracked or broken. Not wanting to miss the end, I quickly followed Bilbo into the next room.

"That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"

I smiled while Bilbo sighed with relief . Everyone laughed, both from the happy song as well as the stunned look on Bilbo's face as he realized despite the horrible lyrics, his dishes were piled neatly on the table.

A firm knocking quickly silenced the room and all heads turned to the front door. "He's here." Gandalf slowly walked over and opened the door. Slowly turning his head to look up at the wizard, stood the King Under the Mountain.

"Gandalf."

* * *

So this chapter was a bit longer than the first two. But I hope you enjoyed it none the less.

Translations:  
Okashiku nary soda. = I'm going crazy.  
Muo? = What?  
Otteokaji = What should I do?


	4. Thorin

Chapter 4 - Thorin

"Gandalf" Thorin looked up at Gandalf before slowly stepping inside the hobbit hole. "I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way. Twice." I watched as Thorin take off his cloak and fold it in his arms. "Wouldn't have found it at all, had it not been for the mark on the door." Quietly I moved to the dinning room and hid behind the little wall that separated the entrance hallway and oak hall.

"Mark?" Peeking out from behind the little wall, I couldn't see much because of the crowd of dwarves. So I quickly moved to the opposite wall. Still trying to stay as hidden as possible I managed to see Bilbo move from behind Dwalin and walk over the the door as Gandalf closed it. "There's no mark on that door. It was painted a week ago!"

Gandalf stood up as straight as he could and looked down at Biblo. "There _is_ a mark, I put it there myself." Taking a breath he smiled at Biblo. "Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company. Thorin Oakenshield."

Bilbo walked over to Thorin. _Ok. So far everything is just like the movie. And I haven't been noticed by Thorin. Yay! _Even if I was normal size, the dwarf scared me a little. I watched as Thorin took a little step towards Bilbo. "So. This is the hobbit." I felt a twinge of sympathy for Bilbo as Thorin began to circle him and stare him down. "Tell me Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?"

Bilbo didn't look up at him just turned his head to follow the direction Thorin moved. "Pardon me?"

"Axe or sword. What is your weapon of choice?" Bilbo stood his ground and looked up at Thorin with confidence. "Well I do have some skill at conkers, if you must know." _Conkers? _I was always confused about that part. But I frowned as I noticed Bilbo's confidence falter. "But I fail to see why that's relevant."

I was so conflicted. I really wanted to stand up for Bilbo. I know how helpful he's gonna be and how he saves the dwarves from death on multiple occasions in this journey. But at the same time it would put a lot of unwanted attention on me and would bring up a lot of unwanted questions. So I had to bite my tongue and just hope that I could leave as soon as the dwarves left in the morning.

Hearing chuckling, I looked back at the group. _Thorin must have told the group Bilbo looked more like a grocer than burglar. _I always hated that comment. It was a comment one would hear in high school when the popular kid would single out the non-popular kid. _Ugh. Stop worrying bout that and figure out what you can do to get out of here._

I watched as the last of the dwarves made their way to the dinning room, before I turned my attention to the front door. _I could try to make a run for it...but they would see me right?...Maybe not...They completely forgot about me the minute Thorin arrived...Guess I really am just dreaming. _Shaking my head, I quietly made my way back to the guest room. Slowly closing the door behind me, I sat down on the bed. I could hear the muffled voices of dwarves as they discussed the journey to the Lonely Mountain to reclaim what they had lost to Smaug. I couldn't hold back my chuckle as I laid back and stared at the ceiling. At the sound of their angry voices rise, I smiled. _They're either complaining about Balin's comment that they didn't exactly have the brightest bunch or arguing over how many dragons Gandalf has slain._ My smile was short lived at the booming of Thorin's voice rang through the house, silencing everyone. _Yup very scary dwarf. _

Slowly scanning the room, I let out a sigh. _What's going on here? Why am I still here? If I died, why aren't there other spirits or people that I know here? If this is a dream, why don't I just wake up? This is insane! _I closed my eyes and flipped onto my stomach. I was getting ready to scream into the pillow when I felt a booming voice. I popped my head up. _Oh. It's just Gandalf. _Although I wasn't even in the same room, I could play the dwarf's reactions, to the dark cloud that spread from the wizard, so clearly._ I really had seen this movie too many times._ I let out a quite laugh as I dug the palms of my hands into my eyes. _Snap out of it, May! You should know better_._ Since you got here you've been nothing but scared and pathetic. Never again. Can't make that mistake again..._Clenching my jaw, I pounded my fist into the bed. I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I wanted to leave. Needed to leave. Quickly I made my way to the door, and as I grabbed the handle, I paused. _Where was I going to go? I had no home here. No family. No brother._

I heard the dwarves humming and Thorin's voice through the door as they sung of their lost home. I leaned my back on the door and sank to the floor. I didn't care if I saw Danny again, I just wanted to go back home. _I shouldn't have left. _My lip trembled as I tried to hold back the tears. But the music didn't help and for the first time in a long time, I cried. Letting myself express the fear of never seeing home again and of mourning.

""""""""""""""""""""""""

The next morning I was awoken by a loud banging. I sat up with a jolt thinking I was in some kind of trouble when I realized, I hadn't left the floor.

"Miss May! Are you in there?!" Bilbo's frantic voice pierced the door. I jumped to my feet and opened the door worried something happened. A look of relief swept over his face. "Oh good. You're alright. Hurry up! We have to go!" _Go!? _Bilbo quickly grabbed my hand and rushed me out to the hall way. I tried to ask what was going on but Bilbo frantically moved about the rooms. "What's going on?! What's wrong?"

Bilbo came out from the parlour and gave me a backpack. Without any words he rushed to put his on before grabbing a long sheet of paper. _It can't be the contract._ My eyes widened as I watched him open the door. "No! No no no no! No!" I refused to go on this journey with them. _NO! _Bilbo forced the my arms into the bag straps and shoved me out the door before quickly running down the hill.

"No time! Hurry up!" He cried out jumping over a fence. "Kuso!" I looked back at the hobbit hole and grimaced. Running back I shut the door and then raced after Bilbo. "Chotto matte!" It didn't take long till I was right behind Bilbo. I can see the line of ponies up a head.

"Wait! Waait!" I'm trying my hardest to keep running, my chest heaving up and down feeling as though I can't get enough air. Bilbo hurries up ahead of me as I start to slow down. I see the dwarves and Gandalf turn as they watch me and Bilbo run to meet them. When Bilbo reaches Balin he hands him the contract. "I signed it." I knew that Balin is going to inspect the signature, so I stay behind as I tried my hardest to get my breathing even. I hated running with a passion, but I am so happy that I had started working out more recently otherwise I would probably be dead now. _Oh wait. I probably already am. Ha. ha. _Rolling my eyes at my own sarcasm, I adjust the backpack Bilbo had given me.

"Miss!" I looked over to my left and saw Fili and Kili smiling at me. With now shaky legs, I slowly walk over to the two. "We thought you had left last night." Fili smiled down at me. Kili leaned over to smile at me. "It is very kind of you to accompany Mr. Bilbo and to bid us farewell." I cocked my head at Kili's statement and I remembered where I was and what I was. _Oh yea...I'm a girl. Very weird to be treated like one. _"Oh...Uh, actually Bilbo..."

"Who are you?" I do my best to hide my cringe as I slowly I turned to find Thorin up on his pony staring down at me. I took a deep breath to speak but Gandalf had beat me to it. "This is May. She too will accompany us on this quest." Thorin glared at Gandalf. "Another burglar I presume? And why was she not present at last nights meet?" I gulped. The dwarf definitely scared me. "No not a burglar, but I do believe that she will be of help to you and your company." Thorin hoped off his horse and walked over to me. "What are you? You do not look like a hobbit nor a dwarf. You are too short to be an elf or man." Keeping my gaze low, I said nothing. Slowly he turned to walk back to his pony. "Go home young lady. I'm certain you would be of more use there than with us."

I stiffened at that. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Thorin snapped around and I realized what I had meant to say to myself, I said out loud. I was shocked and looking around at the rest of the company, they were in the same state I was in. "You dare talk back to me!?" Thorin was walking back. _Great… now you've gone and pissed him off._ "N-no...I...No. I mean you don't know me, yet you just assume I wouldn't be of use because I'm a womanl!" I didn't know what got into me. But it seemed my mouth had a mind of it's own. "It's not even because I'm woman, but because I'm not a dwarf woman." Thorin was glaring down at me and was standing no more than 2 inches away.

"So then have _you_ done much fighting?" The question caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting him to ask me that so soon. "N-no. But I-" Thorin circled me like he did Bilbo last night. "Axe or sword?" I gulped. "Neither." I heard the other dwarves groan. "But I-"

"Just leave, lass." My ears perked up at the sound of Dwalin's voice. I looked over at him and saw that he, Balin, Dori, Ori and Nori had started to move their ponies up the trail. _Ass_.

"It was a pleasure meeting you." With that Fili gave a sad smile and bowed his head before slowly riding after the others with Kili following close behind.

"You are judging her too hastily." Thorin shot Gandalf a glare. But Gandalf's gaze didn't waver. I didn't know what had happened that made Thorin sigh I just know that I wasn't expecting him to turn and call for the others to stop. He returned his focus on me, no smile or sign of amusement could be found on his face. "I will give you one chance. If you win, you may travel with us. But you will do as I say and never question my orders. If you lose, you will return back to where you came from." I winced at that consequence of losing. "Understood?" Thorin's authoritative voice echoed through my body. I slowly nodded.

"Kili." I looked up at Kili. "You will fight her." My jaw dropped as Kili's eyes widened. He began to shake his head but the look on his uncle's face told everyone it would be wise not to refuse. Kili got off his pony and grabbed two swords from the saddle before walking over to me. Looking at me with regret, he handed me on of the swords.

"I will be easy on you. Everything will be fine." I looked up at him. With a small smile he took a few steps back and unsheathed the sword. _Shit! I'm actually going to fight him!? With actual weapons that could kill either of us?! _I looked at Thorin, who's expression still hadn't changed, then back at Kili who waited in a readied stance. I looked down at the sword and unsheathed it slowly. My body began to shake with nerves and I let out a shaky breath. This all felt too unreal. The only sword I ever learned to use was a Kendo stick, and that was made out of bamboo, but even then, that was several years ago.

I looked up at Kili hoping he could hear my thoughts as I begged him not to go through with this. Kili looked to his uncle. "Thorin, isn't there another way?!" _Wow! Apparently he can hear my thoughts. _"No! If she does not wish to do this, she can go home. Now fight!" Kili took a step back and got back into a readied stance. I look into his eyes and gave a nod. With a small nod back, Kili cried out as he charged. Without thinking, I dive rolled to my right and out of Kili's way. He quickly turned back around swinging his sword at my side. Using the blade of the sword, I had managed to block it. My arms shook as he pressed against my blade. Inching ever closer to my face, my heart beat raced and panic began to set in.

_"Hey what the hell you tellin' her?!" _

_"May! Now!"__ The fear in his eyes made the world stop before I ran. _

Quickly sliding my hand against the flat side of the blade, I cried out and pushed as hard as I could throwing Kili's sword away. Quickly using this to my advantage, I turned into him grabbing his hand with both of mine, tweaking his wrist back. He let out a grunt of surprise as his sword fell to the ground. With no hesitation, Kili wrapped one arm around my neck in a choke hold. I immediately moved my neck face the crook of his neck, making it almost impossible for him to chock me out. I grabbed his forearm with my left hand and shoulder with my right. Still trying to make sure he didn't choke me out or take me to the floor, I maneuvered a bit to my right before I stopped struggling all together. Kili seemed thrown off by my action as his grip loosened a bit. "Sorry Kili." I could feel his face turn to look at mine. Not giving him a second to recover, I pushed my hip into his as fast and hard as I could while pulling his arm over my shoulders throwing Kili onto the ground knocking the wind out of him in the process. I dropped to my knees trying to gasp for air.

I could hear Gandalf laughing "Well it seems she has some fight in her after all." Still breathing hard, I held out a hand to help him stand. The young dwarf pushed my hand away and stood with a scowl. Not looking back at me, he gathered his swords and mounted his pony.

My shoulders dropped and I knew that he never expected me to win. None of them did. I looked over at Thorin and saw shock on his face. "Give the hobbit a pony." Bilbo perked up. "N-no no. That won't be necessary. And what about May?" Thorin stopped his pony. "Fine. Give her a pony as well." I smiled slightly. I loved horse ridding and knowing this part of the film, I knew this ride will be less scary than the last experience I had. _Unless my being here changed everything else. _I cringed at that thought.

I heard Bilbo cry out, turning I saw Fili and Kili had pulled him up on to a pony and I laughed as I watched Bilbo pout a bit. He seemed very uncomfortable riding. I watched as the ponies moved past me. I hadn't been told which pony to take and Gandalf was too preoccupied with Bilbo that I just started walking after them. I watched as Fili and Kili trotted up ahead to Thorin. I frowned. _I didn't meant to win. _I should have feel good because it was the first time that I had ever used my training against someone other than my brother. I should have been proud of myself. But once again, I was left hurt and alone.

* * *

**Translations:**

**Kuso! = Shit!**

**Chotto Matte! = Wait! **


	5. Losing Control

Chapter 5 - Losing Control

I watched as the others went on not bothering to look back. _Guess that's it then.._. Turning back I began making my way back to Bag End. My head slumped and I stopped in my tracks. _I'm not heading home, I just heading back to a stranger's home._ I groaned. Frustrated with myself, the situation I was in and the damn silence. Looking off the road, I stormed over to a tree and threw the backpack down. I dropped myself against the tree and stared up at the clear sky as I took several deep breaths. The sound of the wind rustling the tree leaves created a soothing rhythm with the beating of my heart. It didn't take long for me to calm down and think rationally.

"Ok you have two choices. You can go back where you don't know anyone or you can follow the heard where you weren't wanted. Hmmm decisions decisions." I puffed my cheeks and looked at the bag I had thrown down. Shrugging I reached for the bag. Opening it up, I noticed some spare clothes. I smiled softly to myself as I realized that Bilbo seemed to take care of thinking what I would need. Bilbo Baggins was a cranky hobbit, but still a very considerate and sweet hobbit. I paused my searching when I noticed something metal at the bottom of the sack. Cocking my head to the side and squinting my eyes in curiosity I slowly reached for it. My hand touched the cold surface and as I wrapped my hand around it, I snagged what felt like wires. My heart stopped. Pulling out my iTouch, a wide smile grew on my face. "AHA!" I jumped up in shock as I held the only thing that verified I wasn't in la-la land. _How-….When did he? _Pressing the menu button, I realized it was still fully charged and worked fine. Calming down, I felt a warmth spread through my heart. _Damn you Bilbo Baggins. _

Putting the backpack on, I stood up and put in my earphones before pressing play. _Even if they hate me, I'm doing this for Bilbo...That's it_. As Ailee's "I'll Show You" began to play, I began jogging after the group.

It took about 6 songs before I managed to catch up with the group but still had energy to burn. I forgot how pumped I get when I listen to music and run on the treadmill. Once I find a good pace, I feel like I can go on forever. I reaching the rear of the group, I slowly pick up the pace easily passing the nephews of Thorin. I can't hold back the smirk as I watch their mouths drop. I knew that I should have put away my ipod, but the brat in me just thought, "Bite me." I find Bilbo riding owards the front with Gandalf, Thorin is still a few feet ahead of everyone else. I don't slow my pace until I reach Bilbo's pony, startling the Hobbit a bit.

It's when I start walking that I realize how much I pushed myself and not wanting to let the others see me out of breath, I breath in deep through my nose. Taking out my earphones and draping them over my neck, I look up at Bilbo with a smile.

"Miss May! You startled me. Why are you not on your pony?" I shoot a glare at Kili who looks away almost like he was ashamed. _Good, he should. Jerk._ Looking back at Bilbo and Gandalf who are both looking quite surprised, I shrug.

"I didn't want to add to the load the pony was carrying. Besides, I wanted to thank you-" Putting away my ipod in my bag. "for packing my things. Especially this."

Bilbo blushed a little. "I am still not sure what it is, but I figured it must be important to you." I smiled and nodded looking down at it. "What is it?" I looked up at him with a questioning look. Bilbo motioned at the bag.

"Oh! It's um…It's…" How do you explain an ipod to someone who has no idea what mp3s or electronics are? Looking at Gandalf for some kind of help, he stared at me with anticipation of my answer. I took a deep breath and looked back at my device. "It plays music- well music that is played where I come from."

Looking up at the hobbit and wizard, they seemed more confused than ever. I shook my head and laughed. "I'll explain later, right now I need to go talk with the leader of this company." Smiling with a nod at a very confused hobbit and a smiling but skeptical wizard, I jogged up the trail to Thorin's Pony.

I wasn't sure if Thorin was aware of my presence with their burglar or simply ignored it, but either way I jogged up until I was right walking right beside the lead pony.

"So!" Looking up I notice Thorin tense at my voice. I have to bit my lip to keep from laughing. The dwarf still scared the hell out of me, but the jog and music put me in too good of a mood_. _Thorin looked down with a glare, not slowing or stopping his pony for a second.

"I thought you would have been back on your way home by now." With a bounce in my step, I smile and look a head at the vast land. It was beautiful and the breeze felt nice on my now sweaty face. "Nope. Sorry." I looked back up and saw his features darken and jaw tense. Focusing ahead, I felt my mood falter and I could only hope that he wouldn't notice.

"Very well. But I will not be accountable for what happens to you and I cannot assure that you will live to make it back." All confidence left me at that moment but I straightened up and gave a curt nod. Thorin said nothing else for the next few minutes as we walked side by side, me still walking and him on his pony. Deciding to take a change, I hesitantly looked up. Seeing Thorin staring at me at a side glance, I gasped and averted my eyes. "Kili!" I couldn't help but jump as Thorin shouted for his nephew. Nor could I help the tension run through my body at the sounds of hooves cantering closer.

Looking over my shoulder, I jumped when I saw a large nose right next to me and I quickly looked up to see Kili looking at his uncle. "Get her a pony." A smile appeared on my face as I looked at Thorin.

"Jinjja?!" My smile faded as both Thorin and Kili looked down at my obviously confused by my tongue. Looking back at the ground, I could feel their gazes lift from me.

"Thorin, the ponies are already carrying too much." My head shoots up at Kili. _Muo?! What am I too fat?! _Kili doesn't look at me, but instead keeps a steady gaze on his uncle.

"Fine, she will ride with you then." I stop dead in my tracks not really looking at anyone or anything. But I do notice that I finally got the group to stop for me. _Really? Of all the other dwarves, you pair me up with a guy who's bent out of shape cause a girl beat him. Great._

A hand waves in front of my face and I can't help but beat it away like an annoying nat before looking up. Kili is looking at me, less than amused as he holds out a hand for me to grab. I noticed that he no longer had his sword nor bow and arrows on his back. I was confused for a bit before glancing at the pony's saddle I caught sight the top of the bow sticking up on the the side of the saddle. I hesitantly turned to the other dwarves, for the first time since they left me behind. All of whom seemed to wonder what I was going to do. I can't help but feel the same tension swell in my chest as last night. Sucking in a quick breath I see Fili in the back and can't help but notice his soft smile. It's reassuring to know that I wasn't completely disliked by the dwarves. I gave a tight smile back before turning back to Kili's arm. After a second or two of hesitating, I took it and was pulled up behind him.

Heading out, the others pasted us, each giving a slight bow of their heads to me. Smiling Bofur and Balin welcomed me to the company. It felt good to hear that but it didn't take away my displeasure of riding with Kili. He didn't give me any warning as he gave the pony a kick causing me to jerk back. I cringed as a squeak escaped from me and my hands clutched the back of Kili's cloak. Fili slowed his pony to ride beside his brother.

"You are full of many surprises." I couldn't help but blush and duck me head as the blonde dwarf gave me a sincere smile. "Thanks."

"I don't believe we were formally introduced. Fili, at your service. This is my brother, Kili." Bowing my head I introduced myself, ignoring the brunette's scoff. Before either Fili or myself could say anything else, Kili gave a hard kick to the pony causing it to speed up just short of a gallop.

My body jerked back as I let out a small yelp. I didn't think, I just wrapped my arms around his waist as I held on to dear life.. The sound of breathing against my ear, the feeling of a solid muscular frame against my body. Opening my eyes, my body tensed as I realized that I was tightly pressed up against the back of Kili.

"If I had known you were so afraid of riding, I would have let you continue on foot." The laughter in his voice said he was joking, but I was still too irritated with him to laugh. Taking my hands from around his waist and holding onto the back of his cloak like reins, I straightened up, putting as much space as possible between us. "I'm not scared of riding. I almost fell." Looking back at Fili, I narrowed my eyes at the laughter in his eyes. So I continued. "I love riding. I just like the idea of having my own horse." I could feel the pout forming on my face as I looked down at my hands as I began to fidget with the cloth. I leaned over a tad to see where everyone else was. They weren't far, maybe 5 feet ahead. No trail could be seen now, for the grass has long covered it up. What was now ahead of us was rolling mountains and hills of lush green trees and grass. Similar to the land that I first found myself in when I woke up.

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

It had been a good two hours since we left the shire. Content with hearing the sounds of birds, and the rocking of the pony, I let out a yawn. I was always horrible at staying awake for rode trips and this was no different. I struggled to fight off sleep only to lose.

I dreamt I was home. I was telling my brother how I dreamt I was in Middle Earth. He laughed at me and called me a geek. I laughed and called him old. His laughter echoed in my mind as I slowly woke. Still drowsy I lifted my head from the solid surface and looked up. I saw a rock wall, blinking a few times through sleepy eyes, I turned my head all the way to my right and noticed the horizon of low mountains and trees. The sun ever so slowly setting behind them. It was only when I looked down and saw the drop that I fully awoke. I let out a yelp and burried my face into the solid surface I was holding.

I heard laughing and remembered I was holding Kili…again. I winced and slowly pulled my hands from his waist and grabbed the back of his cloak again. "Sorry." I mumbled looking at my hands. "Sorry? For what?" I rolled my eyes and was about to call him out for on playing dumb. However, when I looked up I noticed he had turned his head to look at me. His face showed no sign of feigning ignorance. I quickly averted my eyes, feeling slightly guilty. Though I didn't know why. "For uh…For falling asleep on you and holding on to you." His soft laughter drifted to my ears, I didn't know what was so funny, but I still didn't want to look at him.

"There's nothing to be sorry for." My hold on his cloak loosened a bit as looked out at the horizon. There would probably be another hour at most before night fall. I frowned at that realization. _If this is all real, then this is where, the orc's discover the dwarves. _

"We're here." Our pony stopped among the other ponies. _Here?!_ "Here?" Looking around I noticed the other dwarves began to dismount and pull the bedrolls off the ponies. Bilbo was helped down by Gandalf. "We're making camp here." Kili gracefully lifted his right leg over the ponies head as he dismounted before turning to me and holding his arms up. It was surprising but shaking my head I had to remind myself that they saw me as a young woman, not "one of the guys." I maneuvered myself onto the saddle before placing my left foot in the saddle and effortlessly dismounted. Kili just looked at me stunned. Although I am not sure why. Maybe because I denied his offer to help, or because it was the first time he's seen a girl dismount a horse on her own. My mouth twitched as I took a quick glance at Kili before making my way over to the others.

I walked up to Bofur who setting up a fire and sat down cross-legged, taking off my bag in the process. "Is there anything that I can do to help?" Bofur looked up and smiled. "No lassie, we have everything we need. Just need to get a fire going before night fall." I watched Bofur hit the flint stones together creating small sparks but nothing was catching fire. Jumping at Gandalf's sudden appearance, we stood back and watched as the wizard moved his hands over the fire wood while softly blowing. Smoke began to rise and before long the wood caught fire. Bofur laugh. "There we go! Now why don't you go rest Miss May. You've proved yourself enough for tonight." He smiled sincerely as I looked at him. I gave a small smile and nod accepting his words. I couldn't help but feel that I should've been doing something as I was now a part of the company. I slowly stood and stretched as I looked around for a free space to lay down. I frowned as I noticed that almost everyone seemed to be setting down for the night. A few were already asleep and Bofur had laid down on his bed roll right next to the fire. Bilbo, Fili and Kili surrounded the rest of the fire. Looking down, there was not enough room to lay down for me. So I backed away from the heat and found a place to rest against the nearest tree.

I had forgotten how the temperature drops in the mountains at night and it wasn't long before my body was shivering. I clenched my jaw and took deep breaths to control the chills. Looking out, I had a clear view of the horizon I had seen when we were riding up the mountain side. Stars shown bright that night. Looking to my left I saw Thorin asleep leaning against the stone wall of the mountain. Had his head not been leaning back I would have assumed he was keeping watch. Gandalf was behind me to my right, smoking his pipe deep in thought. And Fili and Kili were sharpening their knives. Nothing about this scene had changed, except for me being here and trying very hard to forget about the cold.

"Here you are!" I follow the sound of the voice to my left and find Kili staring down at me. "What are you doing over here?" Bending down, Kili helped stand me up. I shrugged looking at the ground. "C-couldn't s-sleep." _Damn. Get your voice in control May! _I winced at the shakiness in my voice. The cold always made my voice sound like I was about to cry. Looking up and trying very hard to suppress shudders, I noticed Kili didn't seem convinced. And why would he? You can't even say 2 words without shivering.

A light breeze past over the mountain top sending a shiver down my spine. My whole body shuddered and Kili's face shifted. Looking down he grabbed my hand in his and shot me the same look he had when Thorin told him he would have to fight me. My body shook even more as I inhaled. I was never able to tolerate the cold at home and here was no exception.

"Your hands are like ice! Why are you not near the fire? " I winced as he voiced raised a bit. Ducking my head I responded. "There wasn't any room for me…and I didn't want to bother having anyone move for me."_ Please Kili, don't make this anymore awkward than it is for me! _Kili let out an exasperated sigh.

He still hadn't let go of my hand as he led me over to the fire and sat me down next to Fili. Once sure I was settle, Kili sat down and placed my hands in front of the fire. The warmth felt amazing on my almost numb body and a smile crept onto my face as I gained feeling back in my fingers.

"You seem to have a habit of disappearing on us Miss May." I blushed at the voice next to me. My stomach twisted as a smile played on the dwarfs lips. "Why is that?" My stomach dropped. _I wasn't expecting that._ Turning my attention back to the flame I ignored the question. I saw Bilbo's head pop up from his bed and take a quick look around before getting up and head over to the ponies. I brows furrowed. _He is going to feed an apple to one of the ponies and then…_

Cries from an orc echoed in the air. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the heat from the fire. "What was that?" I looked at Fili who was smoking his pipe with his eyes closed. "Orcs." Kili said calmly. I watched as Bilbo quickly made his way back to the fire. "Orcs!?" Right on cue, Thorin awoke and alert.

"Throat cutters. There'll be dozens of them out there. The low lands are crawling with them." I closed my eyes. "They strike, in the wee small hours, when everyone's asleep. Quick and quiet. No screams." I didn't look at the brothers, I had seen this 6 times already in the theaters. I would always chuckle at this scene. But now...it felt different. "Just a lot of blood." I heard them laugh knowing they scared Bilbo. _I feel sick. This is real. If this is real, I could die here. The wargs, the orcs, the goblins…Azog. I beat Kili, but what if I freeze up like last time? What if I can't do this? I can't breath. _My chest began to tighten, I could feel my breath becoming short. Tears began to form in my eyes. _I don't want to fight. I was taught never to fight. I can't breath._ The overwhelming feeling of nausea and the feeling of losing control was all too much. I needed to leave. I promised I would never lose control.

I don't know what Balin was saying, I assume he was halfway into his story for there were more dwarves awake now. I jumped up and quickly hurried past Balin and Gandalf. I don't know how far I had gone until I couldn't hold it in much longer. Throwing my right arm against the wall of the mountain before heaving up whatever was in my stomach. Considering I had only munched on a few nuts, I am assuming that it was just stomach acid leaving me. But it didn't matter after a few seconds I was only dry heaving. The panic attack won. Tears fell from my eyes on to the dirt ground. Covering my mouth with my left hand I tried desperately to keep from crying out.

* * *

Translations:

Jinjja? = Really?

Muo?! = What?!


	6. Breakdown

Chapter 6 - Tensions Run High

The overwhelming nausea hit again. Knowing that nothing would come up, I let my body collapse against the wall. My body shaking with every sob.

"May!" I turned my head and I saw the company. The looks on their faces would have been hysterical had I been in such a state. I looked at Fili and Kili who now stood just behind their uncle, all three had looks of fear and uncertainty.

I gasped as I watched the dwarves eyes shift to blank soul-less stares as they fell to the floor dead. Taking a step away, I watched the world around me change. No longer were we on a mountain top but flat land. Bodies and blood everywhere. I was on a battlefield. Orcs, men, elves. Their bodies lay everywhere. Hearing a booming voice I look up to see Azog standing next to the Oakenshields. Smiling he commands two of his servants to go after me. I don't know what he said, but as quick as I could I turned to run. "NO!" I screamed out as I was grabbed by one of the orcs. _Nooo! Let me GO! _I thrash about trying to get it off of me. Feeling another one grab hold of me I close my eyes and struggle. Remember my brother's teachings. I am able to break an arm free but twisting against the orc's thumb. But soon another holds onto me. "You will watch them die!" The soft command made my blood run cold and I opened my eyes. My mouth dropped and new tears formed. Thorin was dead.

Two orcs held Kili back as he screamed and tried to run to his uncle. Shifting to Azog, I catch his eye. Smiling sadistically, he steps aside to reveal Fili. His mouth is bleeding and eyes unfocused. Looking down his body, I see the blood where he was stabbed. I try to run to him despite the three orcs that were holding me back. "NO! Fili!" I watch Azog through blurry eyes as I watch him walk over to Kili who struggles even more. _N-no. Don't. _My heart races and I elbow one of the orcs before biting his hand. Kicking the one holding my left arm in the leg, I manage to break free for a split moment before I am tackled.

"NOO! Let me go!" I look up to see Azogs knife lift up. "Don't! P-please don't kill him!" I stop struggling as I plead with the Pale Orc. I do not see what happens next. Just laughing. I close my eyes tight. Still pinned to the ground I cry as I try so hard to hide my face.

_NO! No no no. Please bring them back. Please!_

"Get off her!" The orcish voice can be heard over the laughter and screams. Suddenly the orcs are no longer pinning me down and a pair of thick arms lift me up so I am sitting on my knees. I don't open my eyes as I struggle. But fatigue and a feeling of hopelessness make my efforts pointless.

"May!" I hear my name from the orc. I don't know how it knew my name but I don't care. I keep my eyes tight keeping some of my tears in. Suddenly the arms shake me as it screamed my name again. "May!" I turn my head to the side as I snap my eyes open. It's night again, I can see the night sky and the tree covered mountains. The battle was gone, the tortured cries of death were gone. Everything was silent except for the sound of heavy breathing. My trembling body tenses up when I feel a glove covered hand brush my bangs away to cup the left side of my face. I jerk away, shoving the hand away from my face. For the first time I see the thing that picked me up. _Kili…_I swallow as I look into his eyes. "It's ok. You're safe." _He's alive._ _It wasn't real._ Without hesitation, I fell into his body as I shot my arms around his waist and held him tight as though I would fall if I let go.

Feeling Kili's arms wrap around my body, I broke down again. New tears of relief and fear fell down my face and on top Kili's chest. "You're safe now, miss." He said softly placing his cheek against the top of my head.

We remained like that for several minutes. Kili said nothing. Just held me close and tight in his arms. My crying had ceased and aside from the occasional feeling of cold, my body had stopped shaking as well. I never imagined being in this position in my life. I had never let anyone see my like this after Gene. I was never going to let anyone see me so weak and vulnerable again. So what do I go and do? I had shown a company of dwarves, a wizard and a hobbit just how scared I truly was. I should feel horrified and ashamed, but I didn't. I couldn't. The sound of Kili's steady breath and heart beat was too soothing and his hold on me comforting. _I never want this moment to end._ My eyes snapped open and tensed I shuddered. _Where did that come from!?_ I took a deep breath and ever so slowly moved my hands to Kili's chest pushing some space between us.

Kili's arms let go without a fight but they didn't move from my sides. The feeling of shame hit once the embrace was broke. I kept my eyes low, I didn't want to see the pity in their eyes. "I'm sorry." I mumbled. "You have nothing to be sorry for." Kili lifted my head to face his. Looking in his eyes, I saw worry, fear, but no pity. I was trembling again but I didn't know if it was because of the cold or fatigue. My body weak as though I really had been tackled by orcs.

_"Get off her!"_ The voice replayed in my mind as I thought back to my hallucination. The realization that it was Kili's voice not an orc's made me look behind him. The company was silent and still as they watched Kili and I. Seeing Dwalin holding his hand, I gasped. It may have been a hallucination but the tackling and fighting was very much real. Sitting back, fear and guilt for breaking hit me again like a wave. I had caused too much trouble for these dwarves and we had only been a day into the journey back to Erebor. I must have shown my feelings clear on my face because Kili face moved into my eye line. "Please, don't blame yourself. They have been through worse." I closed my eyes and slowly nodded as I felt Kili hand cup my face. Feeling his thumb caress my cheek I realized I was crying again. I hated myself for how many tears I had shed in the past two days. I leaned into the gentle touch of his hand and couldn't help but frown a bit when Kili pulled his hand away.

Before I could berate myself for finding comfort in the simple gesture, I yelped as Kili picked me up bridal style in his arms. _What the hell!?_ I was going to fight when I looked up at Kili. His face showed no sign of emotion, but instead he calmed made his way up the hill and back to the fire.

It was while he was carrying me, that I realized how far I had run from camp. I had led the dwarves away from the safety of the fire and into more trouble. I shivered as the images of my hallucination came back. The crackling of wood and the heat from the fire brought me back to reality. Kili gentle placed me onto the bed roll he had been sitting on earlier that night. Pushing me back to lay down, I turned onto my side to face the fire. I watched it dance as it slowly devoured the wood temporarily forgetting where I was. With a sigh I closed my eyes and slept with Kili watching over me.

When I woke up, I found myself facing a now cold pile of ashes and pieces of charred wood. Slowly pushing myself to sit up, my legs folded to my side, I stretched. Looking at the sky, it was barely light out and the chorus of snores told me that the rest of the company. I saw Thorin was back at his post asleep. Gandalf sleeping with his pipe. Nothing seemed different or out of place.

Then flashes of last night hit me. The panic attack, vomiting, crying, struggling and biting the dwarves, Kili. _Kili!_ I looked around and saw that Kili and Fili weren't among the sleeping company. Looking over at the ponies, I saw them sitting on the grass. Their backs to the company. Their bodies weren't moving much, but I could tell that they weren't just sitting in silence. Slowly I got up and moved around Bilbo before quietly making my way over to the young dwarves.

I had gotten about four feet away from them when I could hear their laughter die in the wind. "What do you think happened last night?" Upon hearing Fili's voice, I paused in mid-step. Kili shrugged but said nothing. "I don't think I have ever seen a person experience such fear as she did." Kili nodded in agreement. "Thorin is already unhappy with the hobbit in our company. Now with May…" Kili let out a sigh as Fili swung his arm around his brother. "I know."

"I'm starting to believe that Uncle was right in leaving her behind." Kili's words were like a knife through my chest. Quickly I covered my mouth to hide my choked sob. "This is no place for a girl!" Kili hissed. Fili nodded as he let his arm fall from his brothers shoulders. "She should have just gone home and never come with us."

Trying hard to push away the pain that now lay heavy in my chest I silently made my way back to where I woke up from. I laid back down and turned onto my side facing the rock wall. Closing my eyes, I tried to keep the tears from falling. Wiping away the few that escape with the sleeve of Bilbo's shirt, I try to pull myself together. _Shikataganai. It's too late to take back what happened last night. All I can do now, is keep out of everyone's way. If i'm not noticed then maybe they won't send me away. _I don't know what I would do if I was left behind.

We had left camp almost 3 hours ago. As we were packing I had managed to stay out of the dwarves way. I was still shaken from hearing what Kili had said, but I pushed it away for the time being. Things seemed to take a turn for the better though as Thorin told Fili to give me a pony and this time I got one. The morning was dark and gray as the clouds hovered above us. Looking up at the sky as the dark clouds lingered above us, I knew it would rain. Packing up my bag, I maneuvered my ipod in-between my old clothes to keep it from getting wet later. I suddenly felt a tap on my shoulder. Looking over I saw Bofur standing behind me with a cloak in his hand.

"Might rain lass. Wouldn't want you to catch cold." Gently taking it, I bowed me head. I wasn't expecting anything from anyone, especially since last night. But Bofur's actions made me realize maybe things would be alright after all. Turning back around after Bofur left, I reached into the pack and took out my itouch and ear phones shoving them in my pants pocket.

The trail ride was just like in the movie. It poured for hours. Nori complained that Gandalf should do something and Bilbo asked about the other wizards. Like Nori the other dwarves seemed just as miserable. I would have agreed but I was happy in the rain and with the cloak hood covering my head, I was able to play my music on random. So here I was riding a pony alone, in the rain, listening to Big Bang's 'High High'. I couldn't really complain about anything at that point.

Well the happiness had to end sometime. Thorin decided to make camp at a torn down home. As everyone dismounted, Gandalf was already up to the house inspecting the remains.

"Fili! Kili! Watch after the ponies. Make sure you stay with them." Thorin barked his commands at the dwarves as he slowly walked up the hill to Gandalf. I watched as Fili and Kili began to help the others unload the ponies while Oin and Gloin were busy getting a fire ready. Still wearing my hood, I pressed the play button on my earphones and began listening to my music once again as I unloaded the bed rolls from the saddle. It didn't take too long for me to undo the knots and neatly place the load down one at a time. But it was enough time for a blur of gray to catch my eye. Gandalf must be leaving. Looking up sure enough I saw Gandalf telling Bilbo he needed to be by himself. I chuckled as I watched Gandalf walk away in beat to C. 's 'I'm a Loner'. _That he certainly is._ Taking my ear phones out and putting them away, I walked over to Bofur.

"So what do you want me to do?" Bofur looked at me slightly confused. "What can I do to help?"

"Oh! Well, we seem to have everything under control. Why don't you just rest for now lass." Bofur patted me on the shoulder as he went back to setting up the pot holder that would go over the fire. I knew he meant well but I couldn't stand around, not helping. Making my way over to all the other dwarves, minus Kili, Fili and Thorin, I was given the same answers. "We have things handled." "Go rest, lass."

Finally giving in, I walked up to Balin. "I'm gonna go take a walk." Balin nodded at me as he took a smoke from his pipe. Biting my lip I walked away. I needed to let off some steam, to just clear my mind.

Walking past the house, I had managed to find a clearing of land, far enough so that I could still hear the dwarves voices faint in the distance and but close enough to hear if something happened. The trees formed a circle around the clearing, and the bushes made it a little easier to conceal me. Walking around I checked the surroundings to make sure there was no danger. With that, I put the right earphone in my ear, and searched my itouch for Miss A's 'Good Girl Bad Girl'. As soon as the music started, my body began to move. Repeating the dance steps I had practiced in my room as I watched the dance tutorial over and over. I had several passions in life and dancing was one of them. It was fun and just let my mind focus on the steps and music.

I was so focused on the music as it reached the last chorus before the bridge, I didn't see nor hear Kili trying to get my attention behind me. So it makes sense that I nearly jumped out of my skin when I was in mid hip swing and turned my head to find him staring at me. I yelped and quickly pulled the earpiece out.

"Oh my god!" I shouted. I placed a hand on my chest, trying to keep my heart from leaping out. "Ah jinjja! Ya! Muo hae yo!?" Still trying to get my heart to stop beating so loud, I don't look at Kili. "What?" The confusion in his voice catches my attention, so I dropped my hand and turned to him. "What? what?" Kili glared, his arms folded. "What did you just say after a few moments ago?" His face didn't flinch and his voice never wavered from its irritated tone. It took me a while to think about what I said when I remembered how I said it. "Oooh. Sorry." I chuckled a bit as I ran my hand through my hair. But Kili still didn't look amused. "I didn't say anything bad. I just said. "_really? What are you doing?_" I watched Kili hoping for some reaction but there was none still. "I'm telling the truth. It's just, I randomly speak Korean or Japanese when I'm angry or surprised or happy. You surprised me so it just came out…." Kili seemed to believe me as he dropped his arms.

"Fine. Come on. Thorin wants everyone near by." His voice was cold and with that he turned and walked back, not wait to see if I followed. Forming my hands into fists at my side, I did all that I could to hold back from saying anything else. Cracking my neck and flexing my hands, I forced myself to relax as I walked after Kili. _Jerk._

* * *

**Translation:**

**Shikataganai = It can't be helped.**


	7. Bound

Chapter 7 - Bound

The star shined bright tonight. The brisk air and sound of a crackling fire. It reminded me of my camping trips in Tuolumne. _I wonder if I close my eyes now, will I find this all to be a dream_. Slowly opening my eyes, I frown slightly. I thought back to a few days ago. I thought back to Danny. Wondering if they were worried, if maybe they didn't even notice I was gone. Looking across the fire, Bofur had just finished making the stew and was pouring out servings for everyone. I wasn't sure if it was good, it didn't matter. I was too hungry to care, but content sitting, I waited my turn. Bilbo was frantic about Gandalf being gone so late.

"He's been a long time." Bilbo marched over to Bofur's side. "Who?" I smiled as I watched Bomber eagerly wait for seconds. "Gandalf!" Bilbo exclaimed putting his hands on his hips as he stared out to the distance. "He's a wizard. He does as he chooses." Bofur explained as he filled up two bowls. "Here! Do us a favor?" Handing over the two dishes to Bilbo he nods his head in the direction of Fili and Kili. "Take this to the lads." I bite my lip to hold in a laugh as I watch Bomber make a beeline for the spoon to fill his bowl again. He isn't quick enough the and his hands are batted away by Bofur. "Stop it! You've had plenty."

I laugh again catching Bofur's attention. "Well it's true." I smile at Bofur and slowly get up bringing my empty bowl with me. "You know that you didn't have to wait so long." His voice turning from humor to concern. I nodded slowly. "I know. I just…" The sound of my stomach grumbling made me pause. I winced looking away as I handed over my bowl. When I was given the bowl back, I saw it was filled to the rim. "Eeh? That's too much!" I tired putting some back but Bofur refused to let me.

"The way I see it lass, you're the skinniest person here and need some fattening up. So eat up." I stared at him wide-eyed and confused. I looked down at my body and then at Bofur. _I need fattening up?_ It was weird being told for the first time in my life that I'm too skinny. But I'll take it as a compliment. I bow my head and take my bowl back to my seat on the grass. I begin to pick at it with my spoon, trying to figure out what was in it. Hesitant at first I scooped up some broth and held it up to my nose to sniff. It didn't smell bad. It smelled…meaty? I looked up to see Dwalin, Dori and Bomber watching me. _Please stop looking at me_. And just like in the hobbit hole, I felt my nerves kick in. I tensed up and found myself looking around for another place to sit. Sadly the only place to go where i wouldn't be watched would be too far from the camp site.

Resorting to closing my eyes, I slowly brought the spoon up to my lips and took a sip. I opened my eyes and licked my lips. _Huh. _I hadn't had anything like it before. But it was good. So with a shrug, I grabbed another spoonful. As soon as I began to eat, I realized just how hungry I had actually been. The warmth of the food making me smile with glee and the feeling of something in my stomach was comforting. It didn't take long before the stew was gone. Feeling full, I put my bowl down with a sigh as I sat up straight to stretch. The sound of laughter caught my attention. Opening my eyes and looking across from me, I saw Dwalin and Nori smiling. I wiped my mouth subconsciously thinking I had food on my mouth. "Take it you like the food miss." Dori said laughing. I smiled trying to hide the blush that was rising. "Yea. I was kind of hungry." Dwalin was about to speak when his smile faded as he turned his attention to the hill. Fili and Kili were making their way back to camp fast. Neither looked at me, instead their eyes scanned the group for Thorin.

"Some trolls took the ponies and Bilbo has gone to get them back." Thorin growled before walking over to his gear and grabbing his sword. The others follow suit as the hurry down the hill. Not wanting to just sit and do nothing, I jump up and head down with them. As a quick hand grabs my arm, I am nearly thrown back. Looking up at the owner of said hand, I see Kili's intense stare.

"Stay here and watch the camp." I take a step back at the commanding voice. "I'm not going to just stay here-" I can't finish my sentence as Kili pulls my arm and sits me down where I just came from. "Stay here and don't move!" I glare at Kili as he turns to walk away. Quickly I get to my feet and march after him. "Why can't I come? I can help!"Kili swirled around to face me. "You will only cause trouble. Just stay here and watch the camp." My mouth dropped open. Several times, I tried saying something but I was to shocked and angry. Kili rolled his eyes as he turned on his heels. "Just stay." He mumbled something else but I couldn't hear. I hated that one incident made everything a mess. Especially the way Kili acted towards me. I was pissed and I wasn't going to back down so easily. "No! I'm going down. I don't have to listen to you!" Kili paused in his steps and rushed back to me. The angry inside was quickly replaced by fear as I watched the glaring dwarf stomp up to me. But I wasn't going to let him see it.

"You will listen to me or so help me I will-" Already past caring if I get kicked out or not, I take a step forward so our faces are inches away from each other. "Or you'll what?!" His jaw tightens at that. "Treat me like a hopeless child? I'm _not_ some helpless little girl you can just boss around!" Letting out a frustrated growl, Kili threw me over his shoulder a walked over the house rubble. I have never felt so ridiculous as I did at that moment. Kicking and screaming. It was pathetic. But what else could I do. I didn't want to hurt him. Well at least not cause serious pain.

"Put me down!" Feeling Kili's hands at my waits, I was set down abruptly. I saw the fire a few feet away. I snarled and taking the moment of him letting go, I started to walk back to the hill. I didn't get two steps away when he shot out his hand and grabbed hold of my left hand. I tried pulling away, but his grip tightened. Kili kicked the remains of the wooden fence from the house and nodded seeing as it didn't move. I was slightly confused by this, but I didn't worry about it as I struggled trying to get free. However the more I struggled the tighter his grip became. "Kili! Let go!" Kili said nothing nor did he look at me when he released my wrist.

Quickly I pulled it to my chest cradling it as I looked at Kili in disgust. _If he wanted me to forget about the fight, he did a great freaking job. _With a quick inspection of my wrist, I knew there would be a bruise in the next few hours or so. I didn't know what to say to Kili so instead, I went with shooting him a glare. Kili was no longer paying attention to me, but on his sword. He was fiddling with something, but at the moment I didn't care. I took off running. I smiled as I reached the beginning of the hill but that was as far as I would get. Kili's strong arms wrapped around my chest, holding my arms in place and keeping me from hitting him. I tried struggling but nothing works, Kili half dragged, half carried me back to the post. "Kili! What the hell!? Let me go!" I struggled as he let go of my arms and tried grabbing my hands. "Will you stop! This is for your own good!" The words caused me to pause allowing Kili to finally get a firm grip on me. Before I knew what was going on, Kili pushed me on to my knees facing the post. It was then that I noticed his belt looped around the wooden bar. Realizing he meant to tie me up like an animal, I struggled once again. But it was to no avail. With a matter of moment, the belt looped around my wrists like make shift cuffs. I pulled and squirmed around trying to loosen them but they wouldn't budge. Turning back to Kili, I saw him run off without another word.

"Kili! Come back!" My cries went unanswered. _I'm going to kill him when I get out of these. _I quickly maneuver my seating position so I am no longer sitting on my knees but on my butt. Lifting my legs up, I place them against the bar and push, hoping to break the bar with my legs and the pull of the belt. But the only thing it did was strain my shoulders. Time was the essence. Soon they would almost be eaten by trolls, find the troll cave and then be hunted by orcs.

I rushed to sit up again and gave the knot a quick once-over before I attempted to pick at it using my teeth. I'm not really doing much as far as undoing it. but the tugging slowly shifts and i can feel the loop around my right wrist shift up a tad. Quickly I begin pulling at different angles, while at the same time wiggling my wrist back and forth to escape. I wasn't sure how long I had been working. Looking up towards the horizon, I see a glimmer of light. _It's almost sunrise._ My arms and jaw were sore from the pulling and tugging. But a quick glance at my wrist, I gave a tired laugh. The loop of the belt now confined right below the knuckle of my thumb. So pulling with my whole body, I cried out both with joy and pain. Quickly getting the belt off the other wrist, I ran off to help the dwarves and Bilbo.

I run up to a large bush that is near the trolls' fire and kneel down to stay hidden. Peaking over the bush, I find Bilbo biding time for Gandalf, by telling the trolls that the dwarves have parasites. I sighed in relief that nothing had changed from the movie. I looking down I see my wrists for the first time since I was bound. The left is bruised badly. A large bruise had formed where Kili had grabbed me and a angry red bruise lay on top from when I was working my way out of the belt. The right wrist was much worse. My wrist and bottom of my hand were rubbed raw from the leather, and my struggling had managed to create several red lines. Had it not been for identical marks on the top of my wrist, one would think I was suicidal. _I'm going to kill him! _Quickly I pulled the sleeves of my top down to hide the offending bruises.

"The dawn will take you all!" Gandalf's voice boomed as he made is presence know. Looking up I saw everyone staring up at the awesome sight. The trolls were baffled. As I heard "Whose that?" and "Can we eat him too?" Watching Gandalf lift his staff, my jaw dropped. Stabbing it in to the ground, the boulder he was standing on split in two letting the sun shine it's rays onto the trolls. It took a few seconds for the trolls feel the burning of the sun, but soon they twisted and howled before finally standing still as statues. The dwarves cheered with delight and I couldn't help but smile and clap know that they were saved. Quickly standing up with the notion of going to help get the out of the sacks, I remembered what Kili did. With a snarl I sit back down and watch quietly as Gandalf undoes Bilbo's bag before going to put the fire out from under the rotisserie.

It doesn't take long before all the dwarves are free and working their way into their clothes. I blushed at the sight of the Dwarves in their long johns. The movie had used a cut away to skip this part, and good composition to hide those who were still in a state of undress. _Bomber, Oin, Gloin, Bifur, Fili, Gloin…_My eyes glance at the dwarves as I do a mental count to make sure nothing changed. My eyes pause as I find Kili. His back is to me but I recognize his hair and clamp. I never imagined seeing this. Never had to since I knew that in the movie, all the actors aside from Ian McKellen, wore fat suits. But this Kili wore no fat suit as I stared at the muscular back. I watched in fascination as he moved to gather his clothes but my trance was broken when he turned facing my direction. My mouth dropped and eyes wide like saucers when I realized just how revealing and tight the long johns were. Heat crept up my cheeks and immediately ducked down, pulling my right hand up to the side of my face to hide my eyes. _Oh god oh god. I saw nothing. Nothing at all. _

The loud knock of stone snapped me out of it. Pushing the image of Kili's body out of my mind, I peak over the bush once more to see Gandalf's back to me. "Where did you go if I may ask?" Thorin walked up to Gandalf, still angry that he left to begin with. "To look ahead."

"What brought you back?" Slowly walking up to Thorin, Gandalfs voice lowered. "Looking behind." Thorin smirked. "Nasty business. Still there all in one piece." His matter of fact tone made me smile. I watched as Thorin's gaze darkened. "No thanks to your burglar."

Trying to lift up just a bit more, I lost my balance and fell back. Instinct kicked in and I swiftly put my right hand back to catch my fall. Intense pain shot up my arm and I couldn't help but yelp. Falling on my butt, I grabbed my wrist and held it close to my bodying hoping that it would help the pain. It didn't.

"Who's there?" Thorin's voice caused my to wince. I cursed to myself as I slowly stood up. Everyone stared as I walked around the bush to Thorin. "I thought you were watching the camp." I keep my gaze down ignoring the stares of the others. "I just wanted to make sure everyone was ok." Thorin stepped forward, his tall physic towering over me. "What's wrong with you hand?" I snap my head up in confusion but looking down I realized I was subconsciously cradling my right wrist. "It's nothing." _If he sees these, he's probably going to kill Kili. That's my job. _"If it is nothing, why are you holding it?" Thorin's hand reached for my arm but I shy away. "I tripped when I go to the bush, I jarred my wrist trying to catch my fall…That's why you heard me cry out." I saw Thorin's hand drop to his side and slowly I glanced up, finally looking Thorin in the face. Though his eyes said he doubted me, he nodded before walking off. Once he passed I slowly let out the breath I didn't realize i had been holding. I didn't move as the company followed Thorin. _They're heading for the caves._

"Are you sure you're alright child?" I closed my eyes and sighed. Looking up at the very tall Wizard I gave a meek smile. "Yea. I'll be fine. It's not the first time I've injured this wrist and it probably won't be the last." With a nod, the wizard walked away slowly taking one last look at one of the frozen trolls with a grim look. The lingering burn of pain was hard to ignore and hard to hide. There would be more trouble soon and I couldn't let my injuries get in the way of helping fight if need be. Closing my eyes, I focus on breathing and away from the pain. Opening my eyes, I find Kili in front of me but I don't jump or show surprise. "How did you get out?" His face showed anger but his voice held another emotion. If I had known any better I would have first guessed concern. I smirked."Next time you tie someone up, make sure their aren't good with their mouths." Kili's face falters and his eyes darken. I quickly repeat my sentence in my head and can't help realize how dirty that sentence was. _Aishi! (Expression of frustration) So wrong in so many ways. _Mentally shaking myself, I push past him and rush after the others leaving a very stunned Kili behind.

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**I swear that Kili isn't going to be some abussive asshole. It will get better between them in the next few chapters. I hope you enjoy this chapter and please leave me your reviews. **


	8. Breaking Point

Chapter 8 - Breaking point

The howl had echoed through the forest cause everyone to stand alert. "Was that a wolf? A-are there wolves out there?" I moved aside as Bilbo walked by looking out in the distance. "Wolves? No that is not a wold." Looking up I see the warg walk up snarling. I tried to yell but nothing came out, all I could do was stumble back and point. The animal snarled louder causing everyone turn around and try to move as it leapt forward nearly tackling on of the dwarves. Thorin raced down and slash his sword into the creatures neck. The dead animal now inches away from me. I couldn't believe it. No longer was it this amazing computer animated creature, but flesh and blood. Slowly I moved closer to the corpse when I heard the cries of the dwarves followed by the growling of the second warg. Kili ran next to me with his bow and arrow drawn and shot the warg down as Dwalin quickly finished it off.

"Warg scouts! Which means an orc pack is not far behind!" Thorin struggled a bit as he retrieved his sword from the warg's neck.

"Orc pack?" I turned to Bilbo who stood close to Gandalf. "Who did you tell about your quest? Beyond your kin." Gandalf walked over to Thorin. "No one."

"Who did you tell?!" Thorin seemed taken a back for a bit. "No one I swear! What in Durin's name is going on?" Gandalf gazed out to make sure there were no other wargs around before glancing at Thorin.

"You are being hunted." Thorin's eyes widened with fear and confusion.

"We have to get out of here." Dwalin was right, if they didn't act soon, if Radagast didn't act soon, we would be in serious trouble.

"We cant!" Ori's shaky voice caught everyone's attention as he stumbled down the hill. "We have no ponies. They bolted." Radagast was quick to offer up his services. Gandalf rolled his eyes at suggestion. "These are Gundabad warts! They will out run you!" Radagast didn't back down as he walked towards Gandalf. "These are Rhosgabel rabbits." Gandalf did a double take at Radagast's statement and I watched as the brown wizards voice softened and his eyes twinkling with mischief. "I'd like to see them try."

Gandalf agreed before turning around. I watched as Radagast quickly made his way back to the his rabbit-pulled sled. Without another word, Radagast took off.

"Hurry, we won't have much time." Gandalf moved quickly up the path that Radagast had gone. I was surprised at how fast he moved for such an old wizard, but then remembered that being taller and having extremely long legs in comparison to the rest of us, it made sense that it would seem like he was moving fast. I laughed to myself as I realized how my little toy fox must feel when I walk him.

The howling of warts in the distance let everyone know that Radagast had managed to catch their attentions. I slowed down as Gandalf stopped. My heart was beating fast as I felt the adrenaline kick in. The sounds of panting reassured me that I wasn't the only one who wasn't great at running. Gandalf peaked around the rock, watching Radagast lead the warts down the hill. Without letting everyone else catch up, Gandalf was on the move again. I watched as the dwarves quickly past the old wizard. Tired and in pain with each jarring step, I was once again in the back of the group.

Watching Thorin and the others stop in their track, I made quickly turned around and started running. Thorin, Ori and Kili quickly pass me up. I follow them to the familiar rock formation, and fall against the surface. "Ori no!" Trying to catch my breath, I turn my head to see Thorin pull Ori back. I didn't rest long, as I heard the warg dogs pass by and Gandalf urging us to move fast.

Looking behind I see the orc pack disappear. A quick push from behind and I look back to find Gloin. "Come on!" Quickly I match his speed as we follow the rest of the group. My legs are burning and I struggle to keep an even breath, but no longer is my mind on the bruises. Fear of getting caught or falling too far behind keep me from stopping. Up ahead there is a triangular shaped boulder. My eyes widened as I ran closer to it. This is where the orc pack is alerted of their location.

Picking up my pace, I follow the company as the hurry to use the boulder as cover. Throwing my back against the side, I quickly cover my mouth to muffle the sound of my heavy breathing. Claws against stone click above us, both the orc and warg are sniffing the air as they pick up the strange scent that is us. I look over at Thorin and see him motion to Kili. No. You're going to get us caught! I push off the rock, only to be pushed back against it by Dwalin's large arm. Taking one deep breath, Kili steps out and aims his arrow. The orc cries out as the arrow is released and hits the warg in the shoulder. A second arrow is released hitting the orc as both fall to the ground. The dwarves quickly move to attack the orc and warg. Frantically, I look around for a large enough rock. Turning to my right, I see a loose rock. Walking over, it takes both hands to lift it. Looking behind me, I saw the warg had been killed and the orc was crying out for help as he fought off the dwarves. Picking up the rock, ignoring the stabbing pain, I walk up behind the orc and using my whole body, bash the orc on the side of the head. A sickening crack of the skull and the sound of silence is enough to tell me that I killed it. Not taking any changed I kneel down and bring my arms down on to the orcs head again. Looking down, I see the blood of the orc on me. No one says anything the just stare. Looking at my hands, I notice that my sleeves are once again covering the offensive looking bruises. I feel numb with shock at what I had just done. The silences around me doesn't last long when another echo of howls are heard in the distance.

"Move! Run!" Gandalf takes off, leading the company in the direction we need to be in to get to the hidden passage. Forcing myself to forget about the blood and the fact that I just killed, I run after Gandalf.

I was unsure how long we were running for or how far we ran. But it seemed like no matter what direction we went, a warg pack was heading straight for us. Kili runs back towards us as he cries out that more orcs were coming. "Kili! Shoot them!" The dwarves and Bilbo take out their weapons as they ready themselves for battle. I wasn't sure what to do. I had no weapon, even Ori had a slingshot. While it made no impact it was still something."We're surrounded!" Fili rushes closer to the group. Kili stays where he's at, taking out orcs with his arrows. Looking around I see the dwarves clump together. I couldn't help but feel like something was off. Gandalf was gone, the dwarves believe him to have abandoned them, Ori uses his slingshot. Looking around at the orcs slowly surrounding us, I realized why it felt different. Kili was still far off from the group, his focus on the orcs and warts in front of him not noticing the stray orc making it's way over to Kili from several feet away. For a moment my heart stopped. Looking for help, the dwarves are too focused on the rest of the packs. Not wasting another second, I take off after the orc. Frantically trying to think of what to do, I came up with nothing. Unlike the orc who had the element of surprise by coming up behind Kili, I was coming in the the right of them.

Pushing all doubts away, I sped up. The only thing that mattered was to ensure that Kili made it back to the Lonely Mountain alive. The orc had almost reached Kili, when I got within jumping distance from it. Quickly hoping that my 5 years of taekwon do paid off, I jumped up and managed to deliver a heavy blow to the orcs head that sent it flying to the ground. Landing on my feet, I could feel my body shaking. However I didn't know if it was from the adrenaline rush or the fear of "what if I missed?" Kili turned around and quickly killed the orc, who seemed to still be dazed by my kick. Standing up with a rigid frame, Kili turned and grabbed my arm. He was furious. While I didn't expect him to be happy, I was unprepared for the same look that was in his eyes earlier today.

"Kili! May! Run!" Kili and I looked over to see the others gone and Thorin standing in front of the large rock. My arms is suddenly released as Kili shoots another arrow at a orc that had gotten fairly close to us.

"Come on!" Kili dropped my arm and ran, I was close on his heels. I could feel the adrenaline leave my body, renewing the pain in my legs and arms. Kili kept running, getting farther ahead. Looking behind I saw the orc pack getting close. The orc riders smiling as at the fear on my face. Blood rushed in my ears. I tried running faster, pushing my legs to keep moving but fatigue just made my legs begin to feel like bricks. Kili quickly looks back and dashes back for me. "Move!" He gripped my right hand and practically dragged me over to the entrance that Thorin stands. We slowed at the entrance and Kili finally releases my hand as I jump down into the mouth of the hidden cave under the rock. Fili helps me up and moves me out of the way as Thorin and Kili slide into the cave as well. Careful not to show the pain on my face, I slowly closed my hand hoping that it would some how take away the pain. Kili shot me a glare and stalked over at me, but at the sound of the Elven horns, he paused. Up above, we could hear the sound of hooves and orc cries. We all looked up and to see a orc approaching the entrance. I felt Fili push me behind him as everyone got ready to fight again. Swiftly an arrow flew into the neck of the orc.

As the orc came rolling down into the cave, everyone scurried away from the now motionless body. Gandalf swung the staff stopping short of the orcs face and with a poke confirmed it was dead. Thorin bent down and pulled the now black arrow out of the orcs neck. Glaring he noted out loud that the arrow belong to elves. Now hiding behind fili, I held up my arms, letting the sleeves reveal the bruising. Both my hands black from the dried orc blood. The black and blue bruises encircling my left wrist seemed to blend with the blood. My right wrist however was still angry with red, the blood only making the markings and raw skin more noticeable.

"I cannot see where the pathway leads. Do we follow it or no?" I looked over at Dwalin covering my wrists once again. "Follow it of course." Moving into a line, the company followed Dwaling down the pathway. I begin to follow, but the sight of Kili staring intensely at me causes me pause. Kili waits till the other's voices slowly become distant before rushing over to me. "What in Durin's name do you think you were doing?" His tone seething. "You had no weapon! You are reckless and if you hadn't been lucky-" I straighten at his words. "If I hadn't been lucky then you would be dead!" Kili shifted his stare away from me, and though he seemed to want to protest, he held his tongue.

"No one noticed the Orc. I did! I did what any of the others would have done, had they seen the orc first. So why are you so mad at me?!" Kili is looking at me, his eyes narrow and so very close. It is only then that I realize I had him with his back to the wall. The growl that emanated from Kili sent shivers down my spine and soon I found my own back up against the wall with Kili's face oh so close to my own. "Because you shouldn't be here! You should have never come with us in the first place. You are nothing more than a burden." Kili's voice is hallow as he moves away from me. Feeling like I had be slapped, I slump against the wall and force back the tears that begin to burn my eyes. Swallowing against the lump in my throat I try to speak. "So the reasons behind ignoring me, tying me to the post…It was all because you wanted to get rid of me." Bringing my wrists up, as I look at them with new eyes, I realize that Kili had no intentions of coming back. That when he tied me up, it was to ensure I couldn't follow. Looking up, I find Kili staring at my wrists. His eyes are wide and mouth hangs open, he moves to reach for them. "What? When did-" Pulling my hands to my chest, I move away from him. "I won't burden you with the story. After tonight, you won't have to worry about me." With that I walk after the dwarves, who are probably at the end of the passage by now.

The walk over to Rivendell was tense one. By the time Kili and I had reached the group, Thorin had discovered what Gandalf had intended all along. And while no one said anything to me or Kili, they knew that something had happened. _"You are nothing more than a burden." _Were the words that rang in my head. _I hate him. I hate being here. I just want to go home._ Looking up, I saw Bofur and Bilbo looking back. I knew they wanted to know what had happened but I was in no mood to talk and thankfully they seemed to understand, keeping their distance. _I wonder if they see me as a burden too…_The blond hair caught my eyes first as I watched Fili walk towards me from the front of the line.

"You shouldn't be back here alone." I rolled my eyes and walked past him. _I wish they would see me as one of the guys, then this wouldn't be an issue._ "Is everything alright? You spoke with Kili and now you seem-"

"I'm just tired." I say softly, trying hard to push the anger away. Looking up at Fili, I give a weak smile. He doesn't seem convinced but accepts the answer before looking back ahead. It wasn't a lie. I really was tired. The adrenaline was long gone, and after my argument with Kili, I felt weak and slightly light headed. I was tempted to tell him the truth, I was tempted to tell them all the truth if it would be able to spare them the fate that awaits them. I frowned remembering what is going to happen after they reclaim the mountain but I couldn't help but worry if I told them it will make things much much worse.

For the first time I looked over to the Elven outpost. It was hard to believe it was all real as it sat on the edge of the mountain top. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face as I gazed at the sight. "It is a beautiful sight." I turned back to Fili and nodded with a smile before looking back to take in the view once more. "Yeah. I remember when I first saw it, I was just amazed."

"You have been here before?" My eyes widened at my slip up and looked at Fili who seemed intrigued. "N-no."

"Then how could you have seen it before, if you have never been." _Kuso! (shit) Baka baka baka. (Stupid stupid stupid). _Fili's suspicious eyes never left me. "I have a vivid imagination." Cautiously I looked up at the young dwarf. "I uh… had heard stories from random people, I just kind of imagined what they were saying." Fili chuckled and put his arm around my shoulders as he walked a bit faster. "Come on. We don't want to get left behind." I smiled and tried to keep up. Even though I knew he didn't believe me, I was thankful he dropped the subject.

Walking up to the entrance was overwhelming and jaw dropping. The giant Elven soldier statues towered over us and suddenly, stepping into the circle, I felt my body relax. The dwarves might not trust the elves but I knew that there would be no danger tonight.

Looking around, I saw Thorin and Dwalin begin talking in a hushed tone, probably making plans incase the Elves attacked. Gandalf stood closest to the stairs as he waited for one of the Elves to greet us. Everyone else was in the same state that I was in. Shock and awe at the magical beauty of Rivendell. I looked over at Bilbo who seemed to finally be happy. It was the first time I've seen him smile like that since we left the shire. Bilbo doesn't take long to notice me and smiled.

It took no more than a few minutes before we were greeted by Lindir. The tension among the dwarves quickly came back as Gandalf asked to see Elrond. The same horns from the valley were heard again followed by the sound of hooves quickly moving closer. The sound caught the Dwarves and Bilbo off guard and turning to see two lines of Elven soldiers astride horses, they quickly formed a tight circle. I had always loved horses and to see them trotting around us, I smiled. I was quickly pulled back and into the middle of the circle. Staring now at the back of a green cloak, I looked at the owner of the hand on my shoulder and was in utter shock to find that it was Thorin who pulled me in.

The horses grew in numbers forming two circles, the inside circle walking clock wise to us and the outside walking the opposite direction. They soon stopped after inspecting us and stopping once Elrond faced Gandalf. Swiftly getting off his horse, Elrond and Gandalf began exchanging words in Elvish. I couldn't hear what they said, not that it mattered, as I was getting squished by Thorin and Bilbo as the circle tighter. I looked up as Elrond turned to the us and speak to Thorin.

"Welcome Thorin, son of Thrain." The circle dispersed. Thorin stepped forward, standing tall. "I do not believe we have met."

"You have your grandfather's bearing. I knew Thror when he ruled Under the Mountain."

"Indeed. He made no mention of you." I pinched the bridge of my nose and cringed. _Why can't he just stop after "indeed"? _

"You." I pop me head up, confused. He should have started speaking in Elvish. Kili elbowed me. Shooting him a glare, he nodded over at Elrond. I face the Elven King and see him focused on me. "Strange for a woman to be among a group of dwarves and not be a dwarf herself." I quickly bow not wanting to come off rude. "I uh…I am not with them. They saved me and agreed that I could travel with them until the next town."

Elrond studied Thorin and the others. I knew they were all looking at me but I didn't look around I just kept my eyes at Elrond who just nodded slowly. "I see." With that Elrond turned his attention back to Thorin and spoke in Elvish. Gloin was quick to take offense. Stepping forward he questioned if Elrond was insulting them, though it was more accusing than questioning. The other dwarves quickly followed Gloin's anger. Gandal only sighed. "No master Gloin! He's offering you food!"

The statement made the dwarves go silent and soon, me and Biblo were on the outside as the Dwarves huddled together debating on what to do. Looking at Bilbo, I smiled and shook my head. He let out a small chuckle before the dwarves turned back to the Elf and Wizard. "Well…In that case. Lead on." I laughed. _Of course, it only takes food to make these dwarves forget their dislike for the Elves._


	9. Desires Unknown

Chapter 9 - Desires unknown

Dinner was interesting to say the least. It was very amusing to see the dwarves complain about the lack of meat or questioning what kind of food we received. It seemed as though the company's spirit had been restored and it was like being back in Bilbo's home. Smiling sadly, I watched the others test and poke at the unusual food, but my food stayed on my plate untouched. Glancing over at the other table where Elrond, Gandalf and Thorin sat, I felt my body tense. I had managed to talk with Gandalf and Elrond before coming to join the others for dinner. But now, I wasn't sure if I made the right decision.

_"My dear May. Why the sudden change of heart?" Gandalf 's eyes were furrowed. "You have come so far, and you have proven yourself to Thorin and the other dwarves…" I bit my lip as I tried to keep my emotions in check. "I just want to return home. I shouldn't be here and I don't want them to constantly worry about me…I just think it would be best for me to leave." Looking up, Gandalf seemed to doubt my answer, but nodded nonetheless. Turning to face Elrond, I bowed my head. "But I wanted to ask you, Lord Elrond, if you would let me stay here until I regain my strength before I head on my way." Elrond looked to Gandalf. They said nothing, but seemed to understand each other very well. "You are welcome to stay. When you are ready to leave, I will see that you are given supplies to take with you." I bowed and thanked him before watching him leave to. "I wish you would reconsider leaving the company." I pursed my lips but kept my gaze down. "It is understandable that you are scared. You are in a world that is not your own but I believe that you were brought here for a reason." Looking up at Gandalf as he bent down to meet my eyes. "Do not let your fear and his stubbornness keep you from finding your way." With a sly smile, I watched slack jawed and confused as he followed after the Elven King. _

"Is everything ok, lass?" Bofur's voice brings me back. Lifting my head I see Bofur leaning across from me. "You aren't eating." With a mental shake of my head, I tried to give a reassure the dwarf. Seeing the look on the dwarf's face hurt. I didn't expect that. "I'm just not that hungry." I slowly pushed my plate away and stood up causing everyone to turn and look at me including Thorin, Elrond and Gandalf. I looked away wanting desperately to turn in visible. "Lass, you really should try to eat."

"I agree with Bofur. You have not eaten since last night." Bomber's voice became muffled as the rest of the company spoke up, even Kili tried to get me to sit down. Although he was irritated, his touch was surprisingly gentle. With no food in my stomach and my mind numb, I didn't have the energy to argue or make up a plausible excuse. Instead I looked over to Gandalf. The sly smile was no longer there from earlier, instead he looked on in concern. I furrowed my brows as I silently begged him understand my actions next. The small tilt of his head was all the confirmation I needed. "I just need to walk around a bit. Excuse me." I whispered and with a bow my head to the dwarves and Bilbo, i turn to leave the dinning hall.

I don't know where I was headed, my thoughts too preoccupied with what Gandalf had said. I was still confused about his last comment, but it did bring me some happiness to know that he believed that I was worthy. Finally looking around, I found myself alone on one of the bridges. I walked over to the railing, I gasped as I saw the numerous waterfalls, and the valley in the distance that was dark in the orange sky. The sounds of the birds and rushing water carried away my tension letting exhaustion hit me causing my to slump against the railing locking my arms. I let my head hang, as I stared at the floor, and effected on my confession to Gandalf. It wasn't a complete lie, I did wish to continue with the dwarves. I knew the book and the movie, which meant I knew what obstacles lay ahead. But at the same time Kili was right, I didn't belong here. I hadn't changed anything, just made things worse. I belonged back at the camp with Danny. I closed my eyes as I remembered the last time I saw him. His tan skin, Chinese eyes, his confidence that bordered on cockiness. But being away from Danny and not thinking about him, all I could think was that I didn't know _what_ I liked about him. I took a deep breath and leaned against the pillar that supported the stone railing. For the first time since I got here, first time in a long time, I was able to think somewhat clearly. The sun had set now and night surrounded Rivendell. By now, Thorin, Balin and Gandalf were with Elrond discussing the map that showed the way to Erebor. My stomached tightened. While I didn't know how the war would start in the movie, I knew what would happen in Erebor. It always took forever for me to read last few chapters and it was heart breaking to read about Thorin, Fili and Kili's fates. It was so vivid in my mind, and now…I slid down the pillar onto the floor as I tried to push the images out of my head. If I stayed, watching them die will kill me. _Why couldn't they just have stayed at the shire or in the Blue Mountains? They were happy there and safe and Kili wouldn't always have a scowl on his face because I wouldn't have been around._ Closing my eyes, I reminisce seeing Kili and Fili for the first time and smiled. They were so similar and yet so different. Fili was handsome and caring. Then there was Kili. He was funny, energetic, kind…until I screwed things up. "Sexy."

_Chotto! (Wait!) Muo!? ( What!?) _The sound of my own voice caused me to perk up. _Where did that come from? Did I seriously just say that Kili was sexy…._I closed my eyes and let me head fall back, hitting the pillar. It hurt. Looking up at the night sky as the clouds separated letting the moonlight finally shine, I sighed. It was like the clouds in my mind had cleared as well. _I liked Kili. _ Suddenly everything made sense. The eagerness to prove myself to him. Looking down at my wrists after forgetting about them for so long. _I had struggled so hard because I worried about Kili, I risked my life with the orc, why him saying I was a burden hurt so much. All of that was because I lo….NO! _ I clasped my hand around my mouth. My mind raced replaying our interactions. When he tried to refuse Thorin's order to attack me, when he held me after my panic attack. I had never felt so safe in his arms. Remembering that night, I felt my throat tighten and eyes become blurry with tears. "Ottokajo?" (What should I do?)

"So it's true." _Kili?_ I quickly looked to up to find Kili standing on the opposite side of the bridge. "Thorin said you were leaving." I was baffled by the statement but realized Gandalf must have told Thorin. _How long had I been over here?_ Slowly, I stood up using the pillar as leverage and nodded. "When were you to tell us this?" At this point, I wasn't sure what I was afraid of most. That the others probably knew now or the way Kili's had a distinction of hurt mixed with anger. I was still reeling from realizing my feelings, but the pain of thinking that I would never see him smile again was the only thing I could feel. I keep my head low with shame. "I wasn't." The second the words came out, I regretted them. Kili stood as still as a statue, arms at his sides, mouth slack and eyes wide with shock. "How can you say that?!" I winced at the sudden shift in tone and volume of Kili's voice. "You are the most selfish girl I have ever met. You decide to abandon us-" _ Muo!? (What!?) Why is he the one getting angry anyways?!_ "-after everything we did for you." I snap my head up to meet Kili's glare. "Muo!? Jinjja?! Micheoseo?! " (really?! Are you crazy!?) I stalked up to Kili, his emotions didn't shift this time. "Why the hell are you so upset?! I know I should have told the others. They've become like a second family to me, especially Bofur. But I don't have to tell you anything. It's because of you that I'm leaving and it's because of you I have these!" I quickly hold up my wrists to him and it's at that moment that I realize just how close I am to Kili. I begin to feel self-conscious and it doesn't help that Kili's nose flares with anger. I am just about to take a step back when Kili grabs my wrist. He manages to grab just below the raw skin and pulls my arm out to inspect the injuries. He doesn't hurt me, but I still wince.

I except him to yell, to blame me. But he says nothing. His jaw is tense as he focuses on my wrist. _keu neun jinjja museowo. _(_He's so scary.) _It seemed like minutes passed before he loosed his grip on my wrist. Quickly I pull my arm back letting the sleeve fall once again concealing the offending sight. "They look worse than they feel." Kili's eyes are locked on the space where my wrist was. He still says nothing and doesn't move away. "Why couldn't you have just listened to me?" His voice was soft but the anger was still there. I can't stop myself from rolling my eyes.

"You know what Kili? I'm done." I storm past Kili. Not wanting to deal with this argument again, I move across the bridge to go talk with the others about my decision when I am suddenly spun around and pushed up against the other pillar. If looks could kill, I would have burst into dust at the furry in Kili's eyes. "Do not walk away from me! This isn't over." I didn't try to hide the scowl as I tried to shove him away. Sadly I was forced to remember that he was bigger than me, so my efforts didn't do much. "This_ is_ over. Just let me go!" He growled at me as he stood his ground. Using all of my body wait, I threw myself into him causing him to stagger. Quickly ducking, I managed to avoid his arms as he lunged for me. At this point I didn't think I just ran.

"Get back here, May!" His voice wasn't far behind as he called after me. Looking ahead I saw some elves talking in the hall. For once I was happy with my short stature as I was able to avoid running into them with easy. It was a few seconds after I passed them that I heard the irritated voices of the Elves followed by Kili's voice asking for forgiveness. Still running, I laughed. _Thank you karma. _I hurried up the stairs only skid to a stop when I discovered that the room had no other way out.

Silently cursed myself before I spun around to make my way back downstairs. My plans of escaping had all but vanished, when I saw Kili standing in the doorway, shoulder moving up and down as he tried to catch his breath. Slowly he stalked towards me with a predatory stare and hint of a smile pulled at his lips. I backed away as I tried to remember how to breathe. _A man shouldn't be this hot. Gah! Not the time! _Mentally slapping myself to focus, I hastily looked around for anything I could use to put between us. But I saw nothing. "There is no where to run now." A shudder ran down my spine at the rasp of his voice. Still he taking his time to walk up to me, I could see a mischievous smile appear. "For now." I smirked. At that I ran towards Kili. Throwing his arms infront of him, I stopped and bent back, almost getting hit in the nose. Spinning to my left, I managed to get behind Kili. I intended to push him forward and give me a second or two to get away. I didn't expect Kili to turn back towards me. I was already pushing forward, when my hands connected with his chest. As a natural reflex, Kili flailed about to grab something to keep him from falling. He was successful in grabbing my arms and pulled me down with him.

Landing on top of him, we both grunted before he let out a pained chuckle. I felt his hold on my loosen. Making my way to my knees, I straddled his waste and leaned forward to push my forearm into his neck. And put enough pressure for him to feel discomfort but not harm him. I turned my head slightly to face his. "Now it's over." Kili gave one small nod before I released my hold on him. I should have known better, than doing that.

I had barely sat up all the way, before I found myself flipped on my back. My hands pinned by my head and legs wrapped loosely around Kili's hips. Despite frustrated that I was pinned beneath the dwarf, I was surprised that he still was aware not to grip my bruises. Puffing air into my cheeks and glaring his hand, I tugged my arm down testing his grip. The test resulted in him pulling my arms higher, bringing his upper body closer down to mine. "Now it's over." Finally he's smiling and I just want to smack it off of him now.

Remembering my techniques from judo class, I buck my hips trying to lift him a bit so I can slide my right leg to the front of him. But Kili is too heavy and his position too stable for my movements to move him. After a few minutes of struggling, I gave up. Letting my head fall to the side, my body goes limp. "You done?" I can feel his laughter as he still has me pinned down. I keep my eyes focused on his hand still holding my left arm but reluctantly give in and nod. Kili laughs again. "So if I let you go, you _will not_ attack me?" I can't help but laugh as I still try to catch my breath. "No. I won't." I finally look up at him and find a smiling Kili. It's the Kili that I had not seen since the Shire.

Kili's hands released mine and helped me sit up. He was still smiling as he brushed my bangs out of my face. I examined his face, there was no anger anymore, he just looked at me with amusement and something I couldn't recognize. I let out a sigh as I leaned my forehead against his. "Please forgive me." _What? _I had no time to respond, before Kili put a hand under my chip to lift my head and his lips pressed against mine. I couldn't think or do anything. I froze, my eyes wide in utter shock. _Kili kissed me. He kissed ME. Me who he hated, who he ignored for so long and only to tie me up and try to leave me behind. Kili's leaving. Wait! Kili's leaving! _I quickly turned my head to watch Kili storm out of the room. _Shibal! (Shit!) _Scrambling to my feet I rush after him.

Rushing down the stairs, I slip on the third to the bottom stair but luckily I am able to jump the remaining stairs to the ground level. I am about to run after Kili when a blue cloak steps into my path I look up to see Gandalf staring down at me. "May." The sound of Thorin's voice causes me to stiffen. Turning around I find Thorin looking very displeased. _Oh I don't need this right now. _No all that was on my mind was Kili's lips. "We need to talk." I bit my lip and looked back hoping to see Kili, but he's no where in sight. I let out a sigh and turn back to Thorin. "Gandalf tells me that you wish to stay here." I hesitated. I was so confused. I looked up at Gandalf then back at Thorin. "I uh…I don't…" Thorin groaned in irritation. "You don't what?" The dwarf still scared me and with my head spinning, I was only getting more flustered. "I uh…I…"

"Are you perhaps having second thoughts about leaving?" I glared at a very amused wizard. _Bastard knew about this all along_. "Well what is your decision?" Thorin took a step closer to me, there was no amusement in his eyes. But I was in no mood to discuss this. The only thing I needed to discuss was between me and Kili. "I don't know! But I can't talk about this now." I quickly ran away from a speechless dwarf king and bemused wizard.

I found Kili with the other dwarves. All were laughing about something, though I wasn't sure what. Bomber was sitting on the floor next to the pieces of wood that once was a table. Kili was smoking his pipe, he had no smile as he stood against the wall. The light of the fire being the only thing to betray the shimmering of the unshed tears in his eyes. I swallowed and proceeded up to the group cautious of not making any sudden movement.

"May!" _Damn you Ori_. I bowed slightly at the dwarves that now stood to greet me. "Where have you been lass? We been worried about you." Bofur quickly led me to the fire as the others surrounded me. I glanced over at Kili who didn't move from his spot on the wall. I turned my attention to the group and smiled. "Yea, sorry bout that. I just had a lot on my mind."

"Is it true that you're not coming with us?" I looked across the fire at Fili. I had no idea what to tell them. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Bilbo. "Please don't leave just yet. I understand that it's hard, I really do. But you being here has made being away from the Shire a little easier." I gave a small smile to Bilbo as I walked away from the group. "I'm sorry." I saw their faces fall. I walked over to Kili, not really looking at him, and I grabbed his arm before pulling him away from the group.

I make sure that we're safe away from everyone before letting go of his arm. Looking up at Kili now, I see the frown is back but the pain on his face is new. I make a move towards him but he moves away, turning his back to me. "Kili-"

"What?" His voice is curt and cold. "Can we talk? Please?" I inch my way closer to him and place a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't move away or object as I move to face him.

"What is there to talk about? You have rejected me and come morning, I will leave while you stay here." I bit my lip to try and hold back the laughter but it didn't work. Kili finally looked at me. He was clearly angry and I didn't blame him. He opened his mouth to say something but I gently pushed my index finger against his lips. "I wasn't laughing at you. It's just that you're upset because I didn't kiss back." Kili shoved me hand away, which caused my wrist to bend. I felt the pain throb but I ignored it. Grabbing Kili's face, I leaned up and kissed him. I felt his body tense at my action. I gently ran my tongue across the bottom of his lip and as he opened his mouth, I deepened the kiss. I felt him sigh as he relaxed into the kiss.

We were both panting when we broke apart. His hands placed on my lower back and my hands in his soft hair. "I didn't reject you. I was just shocked. I thought you hated me." Kili laughed softly. "No. I could never hate you." I pull him down into another kiss. Kili lets out a growl as I slip my tongue into his mouth. There is nothing gentle about this as we fight for dominance. Kili pushes me up against a wall, tearing his mouth away and slowly moving his way to my neck. I move my hands from his hair and down his back.

"So does this mean you want me to stay?" Kili smiles against my neck and begins to place gentle kisses against my collar bone. "Yes." I let out a groan as he pulls back. His eyes are impossibly dark and I assume mine are the same. "We should head back before they assume we've killed each other." Kili nods and slowly moved away. Taking my hand, he leads us back to the group.

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**So Kili isn't mean, just stubborn. Anyways, things are going to get more heated between Kili and May. I would love reviews on what you think so far. **


	10. Accepted

**Chapter 10**

The walk back should have taken about 10 minutes, but it didn't. We had only gotten two steps, after agreeing to head back, when Kili pushed pulled me against him and kissed me. His lips moved against mine, his fingers diving into my hair and tugging my head back to deepen the kiss. The action causing me to moan. My brain had shut down, I could have cared less if an orc was beside us. All that I could think of was Kili's lips as he ran them across my neck. I slipped my hands under his cloak and dug my fingers into his back. Kili suddenly growled as he nipped at ear, sending a shudder down my spine. But soon enough it was gone. Puzzled I opened my eyes and saw Kili step away, his hands on my hips. His eyes dark with lust, lips slightly swollen and hair disheveled. "What's wrong?" I panted.

I watched his chest rise and fall with heavy breaths, he quickly looked around. "Nothing." I frowned at Kili's intense concentration on the sounds around us. I knew he was making sure no one else was around. Swallowing, I pushed down the twinge of pain in my chest. Slowly I pulled away, the place where his hands had laid now cold. "We really should get back now." I forced a small laugh as I headed back. Kili's hand pulled me back into him. "They can wait a bit longer." He leaned in to kiss me but the mood was already broken for me. I turned my head causing him to kiss my cheek. "What's wrong?" Kili pulled back to look at me. I tried to avoid his gaze but Kili cupped my cheek and pulled my face towards his. "What's wrong?" His voice was soft and concerned, slowly I looked into his eyes. I need to know.

"What are we doing?" I saw the confusion flash across his face. He opened his mouth to question my question but I held up a finger to his mouth. "I need to know what this means. If it's serious or just because you want to fool around."

"Fool around?" I paused. "Fool around, you know. You just want the physical contact of another without intentions of starting a relationship. But I need to know if that's what this is because if it is, I'm saying right now-"

"May. May!" The stern voice caught me off guard. Kili stepped forward pressing our bodies together once more. "I know of many who take lovers out of loneliness. But I promise you that is not my intent." I didn't hold back the scoff. "What can I do to prove that what I say is true?" I frowned and looked away. "I don't know. I just can't do this now."

"What are you saying?" Kili's voice hitched. His eyes furrowed with worry. I caressed his cheek and leaned up to gently kiss his lips. "Maybe we can just slow down. I just…" I leaned my forehead against Kili, trying to find the write words. "I…I'm scared."

Kili's hands stroked my back, but said nothing. I bit my lip before continuing. "I'm scared of getting my heartbroken again."

He held me tighter and kissed the top of my head. "I would rather face a thousand orcs, than hurt you." Even though I couldn't see his face, I trusted his words. That thought scared me the most.

I felt Kili gently pull me off of him and looked up to see his kind smile. "Come on." He held out his hand and I gladly took it. We walked in sync the remainder of the ways back.

* * *

We could hear the dwarves voices become louder as we approached. We no longer held hands. Along the way I decided that it would be better if we keep our new found relationship on a down low from the others, at least until I felt that I could trust myself with Kili. He wasn't happy about it but i had managed to take his mind off of it, when I suggested we prank the others.

I smiled up at Kili as we could see the glow of the fire. So excited to pull off our prank, I silently giggled. Suddenly I found myself pulled up against the wall, Kili pressed up against me and his hand covering my mouth. "Shh. If we are to do this, we must do it right." I nodded as I bit my lip to supress my laughter. It didn't help when the dwarf scolding me was trying not to laugh as well. As we calmed ourselves down, I could see Kili's eyes become dark. My heart pounded in my chest as he leaned. Our lips touched in a gentle kiss. Bring his hand up, he cupped my cheek and pulled me close deepening the kiss. There were no words to describe this kiss other than passionate. It was slow, lingering and made my head spin. I couldn't help but let out a tiny groan in protest as Kili pulled away. "And we will talk about us later. Ready?"

_He had to kiss me like that now?_ _Bastard._Quickly pulling myself together, I nodded. "Yeah. Let's go." Pulling me away from the wall, Kili smiled at me and winked before he walked away with a scowl on his face.

I silently laughed once more before taking a deep breath. "You hate him. Right." Clicking my tongue I stormed after him.

"You're back!" Bilbo's voice caused everyone to turn and greet us. Gandalf was still no where around. "We were worried that you killing each other." Bilbo's laughter died as Kili shot him a death glare.

Bofur sighed as he moved around the fire to us. "What happened now?"

I huffed and folded my arms. "Why don't you ask him?"

Kili laughed out before glaring at me. "Me!? How is it my fault?!"

"You're the one who refuses to hear me out!" I see from the corner of my eye, Thorin's thick figure stand. Kili stabbed my chest with his finger. _Ow. Getting alittle too into the prank._ "Why should I?" I straighten up, getting in his face.

"Stubborn brat!" Bofur and Bilbo quickly grabbed onto Kili. Pulling as he fought to get at me. I smirked and stepped forward getting barely and inch away from his face.

"Thick-headed dwarf!" I couldn't help but quickly wink at Kili.

"Enough!" Fili's voice immediately made Kili and I jump. Our jaws dropped and looked over at the blonde dwarf who was now standing next to Thorin.

"I agree. This is enough!" Stepping forward, Thorin narrowed his eyes. "What is the cause of this fighting?"

"She started it!" "He started it!" We both looked at each other at our simultaneous statement.

"I do not care who started it. But I will not tolerate this kind of behavior for the remainder of the journey." I turned to Thorin, my jaw slack. _What?_

"What?! Thorin you can't be serious! She even said-" Kili stepped up to Thorin trying to understand what was just said. Fili pushed Kili away shooting him a glare.

"I know what she said! But I also know that it is because of your dislike of her that she wishes to leave." Thorin snapped his head at Kili. I felt bad seeing Kili's face fall with hurt. "You will stop this fighting. She may be human, but she has earned her right to fight among us." Everyone gasped. Looking around, I saw the shocked look on everyone's faces as they gaped at their king. I bit my lip to hold back my smile. Catching Kili's glance, I gave a tiny nod at Thorin with an expression of hope.

"Then you approve of her staying." It was more of a confirmation rather than question. Thorin said nothing just narrowed his eyes at his youngest nephew. Kili nodded before stalking over to me with a glare on his face. Standing before me he quickly looked around, as did I. The other dwarves looked nervous. Poor Bilbo, he's been through a lot of scares since we started the journey. Looking back, I found Kili watching me. "So now what?" His voice was devoid of emotion and made everyone believe him to not like me. But the glint of mischief in his eyes was reassuring to me.

"So…" I rocked on my feet, I couldn't do this anymore. It was too mean to Bilbo. I had to end this. "Do you think we still have any food left? I'm starving." Without skipping a beat, Kili looked around and frowned. "I will go ask for more food for you." Kili smiled and moved to hug me, but in realizing his action, stuttered before patting me on the shoulder. I couldn't help but pout a bit as I mentally kicked myself. _I know that we shouldn't give away our feelings but I miss him holding me. _

"Wait! Hold on Kili!" Kili stopped in mid stride before turning around to face Dwalin. The buff dwarf's baffled expression was amusing to say the least. "What in Durin's name is going on?" I scanned the room seeing everyone speak up.

Bofur walked over to me rubbing his head. "I don't get it. You two were trying to kill each other and now you act as if-"

"There was no fight. Was there?" Kili and I smiled at each other before looking over at Fili who smirked in amusement.

"What!?" I ducked at the sound of everyone's astonishment. Kili and I began to laugh. Looking over at Thorin, I smiled as he shook his head. There was no sign of anger, just irritation. I bowed my head in apology to him, and smiled when he nodded back with a hint of a smile. "When did you two resolve your issues?" Fili made his way over to me putting his arm around my shoulders and pulling me to his side. "A few minutes after I pulled Kili aside. Coming back though we thought it would just be fun to fight a bit more." I laughed at the mixed sounds of groaning and laughter. My laughter died however when I noticed Kili's eye glaring at his brother, who still held me close. _Was he jealous?_ Kili was snapped out of his thoughts when Dwalin swung his arm around Kili laughing.

"I'm glad you two will be getting along now." I smiled at Fili and nodded. _Oh if only you knew just how well we get along now._

* * *

The elves were very kind to bring more food for us. Most of it Kili put in front of me. He was a very stubborn dwarf who didn't seem to understand the words "I'm full." In his mind it seemed to mean "I'm still hungry" because each time I told him I was too full to eat any more, he protested and insisted I eat. So now the fourth bowl of food was in front of me, untouched. Kili was now smoking his pipe, as was Fili who sat on the other side of his brother. I was grateful to see how caring Kili was of me and I knew he meant well. But if he expected me to eat one more bite, I was going to punch him.

The white of a robe caught my eye. I looked up to find Lindir stand before us. "I was sent by Lord Elrond to find Miss May." Slowly I got up and stepped forward. The tall elf bowed his head. "Please follow me."

I looked back at Kili and gave a reassuring smile before following Lindir.

"Is everything alright?" I couldn't shake the worry from my mind. _Did I do something wrong? _ _What if he saw me and Kili?_ I shook my head and focused on where the elf was leading me.

"Yes. Gandalf told Lord Elrond that you were to remain in the company of the dwarves." We turned a corner and he led me into a spacious bedroom. Clothes were splayed out on the bed, boots placed on the floor. "Lord Elrond believed that if you were to continue with them, you should be better supplied." Lindir looked me over. I stared at him confused before looking down at myself. I cringed, my clothes were grungy and my converse were torn and covered with mud. _Ok. I look like a hobo. _

"The clothes on the bed should fit and there is water next to the mirror to wash your wounds." Leaning over to see where the elf gestured, I saw a large mirror sitting on the wall just above a small wooden table. A gold bowl filled with water and a white towel sat on top of the table. Turning back to Lindir, I bowed and thanked him.

I waited for him to leave and close the door before I walked over to the bed. Black pants and a long-sleeved dress top that reminded me of the Vietnamese dresses. I reached down and slowly ran my fingers over the material. Soft, felt almost like silk.

I made my way over to the mirror. The sight made me cringe a bit. Dirt covered my face, and my orange-auburn dyed hair looked a mess. I took off my top and rolled it up, placing it next to the bowl. I dipped my hands into the water. I watched the loose dirt dance in the water for a second before I began rubbing the rest of the dirt off my hands and arms. Pushing my hair back, I leaned over and began to rub the cool water on face and neck. Straightening up, I dabbed my face and neck dry with the towel. Not seeing any brush around, I dunked my hand in the water and began running my hands through my hair taking out the tangles and knots. I smiled as my hair smoothed out.

Satisfied with my quick clean up, I discarded the pants Bilbo lent me and my completely worn out shoes. Folding the pants and shirt nicely on the bed, I put on the elven clothing. Moving to face the mirror, I didn't know what surprised me more. That they fit or that I had lost so much weight since I came to Middle-Earth. Twisting around, I felt not tightness. I laughed. _Even my boobs shrunk. _I fixed the collar, slipping the button in it's loop and walked over to put on the boots. Walking around, they felt light but the soles felt sturdy enough to handle any kind of terrain.

I stood straight and soothed out the top. I picked up Bilbo's clothes and slowly left the room to head back to Kili and the others.

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**Sorry it's taken awhile to get this new chapter up. Had a bit of writers block but I finally am back on a roll. **


	11. I love you goodbye

**Chapter 11**

Breathing slowly became an issue with each step. My heart felt heavy in my chest. I began to regret changing out of Bilbo's clothes._ I feel like a girl in these._ Not that I wasn't a girl, or didn't like feeling like a girl. But the thought of appearing like this to the dwarves, with their disdain for elves and after fighting so hard to prove myself. I became overwhelmed with the feeling that it would all change the moment they saw me dressed like this. I stopped in my tracks. _What if Thorin changes his mind cause I look like an elf….well very short elf…but…aishee! Oetteokaji?! (What do I do?) _I scratched my head with frustration. Looking in the direction of the dwarves, I double take where I came from and nod. Quickly I spin on my heels and start to walk back to the room to change.

"Miss May?" Balin's voice make me cringe and duck my head. Biting my lip, I slowly turn around to look at him sheepishly. "Un." (Yes) Smiling he nodded to me. "If you had been a foot taller, I would have mistaken you for an elf." Even though his voice was kind, I could only muster a half smile. "Don't take it personally dear. You look beautiful." I bowed my head in thanks, letting out a relieved laugh. "Well, come along. Many of the others have gone to sleep and you should be doing the same. We are getting up at first light." I smiled with a nod as I walked back with him.

"So is this what Lord Elrond wanted to see you about?"

"Yeah. I guess Gandalf knew I wasn't going to leave and told Lord Elrond that I would need supplies. Still not sure how Gandalf knew that when I just changed my mind not too long ago." Balin chuckled and patted my back. "Gandalf knows many things, do not try to understand how he knows. But I am glad to hear that you will be staying with us."

"I am too." I smiled as we reached the others. The only one still up was Thorin. Thorin leaned against the stone railing, his eyes in the distance lost in thought. At the sound of my boots against the pavement, the dwarf turned to look at me. I felt myself blush as I saw them look me over. _Really really wish I didn't change now. Why must they stare? _Lifting my eyes to Thorin, I couldn't read the expression on his face.

"Lord Elrond thought I would need these…for the trip." I bowed my head hoping that he wouldn't yell or be mean. I heard him move from his spot and soon saw his cloak circle me. "I agree. You will have to thank Lord Elrond on your return home." I frowned. _Home? _I had forgotten about my home. I still had no idea how to get back home.

"You should sleep, we have a long road a head of us." Pushing the thoughts of home aside, I nodded. I looked around for a place to sleep when my eyes fell on Kili. He was sleeping on his side, back facing the wall and bangs falling in front of his face. I felt a smile tug at my lips as I kneeled down next to him. Looking up I saw Balin and Thorin whispering, unaware of me. Turning back to Kili, rearranged myself so I was sitting cross legged. His face was so relaxed. Every so gently, I reached out and moved his long bangs out of his face. His hair was so soft and thick. Unable to resist, I began stroking his hair, the feeling of it running against my fingers was strangely comforting. Using my arm as a pillow, I laid against my right leg while I continued to stroke his hair. Letting out another yawn, I succumbed to sleep.

_I laugh as I lay onto him, holding his arms up above his head. I gently nip at his tan neck, extracting a low growl from him. With one hard thrust of his hips, he flips us over. Lips attack mine and my head is spinning. "Mine." The animalistic growl sends shivers down my spine as I nod. I can feel his fingers ghost down my stomach as he reclaims my lips. _

_"May." I smiled at the sound of Kili saying my name. "May. Wake up." Suddenly Kili was gone yet his voice still echoed around me._

"It is time to leave now." I slowly opened my eyes to find Kili leaning over me. "Huh?" _It was only a dream. _I lifted my head off my arm to take in my surroundings. I was still in Rivendell, still wearing the Elven clothes. The only thing different was the soft cushion of a bedroll beneath me. Sitting up I shifted glances at where I sit and where Kili sat. _When did we switch?_

"I was not going to let the woman I care for, sleep on the hard floor." I blushed comprehending Kili's words. It took all my will power not to kiss him at that moment. So I opted for something else. Smiling, I stuck out my hand. I laughed when Kili looked on in confusion for a split second before understanding my motives for the hand shake. Taking my hand, we shook. Our thumbs caressing the other's hand. WIth regret in both our eyes, we let go. Stepping around Kili, I made my way over to my pack. I found Bilbo's clothes laying on my bag. _I don't remember putting this here._ Kneeling down, I looked behind to find Kili watching me with a smile as he rolled up his bedroll. I returned a smile and unlatched the buckle of the bag. My smile faded at the sight of my clothes folded inside with my ipod and earphones lightly stuffed in-between the side of the bag and my shorts. Slowly I reached in and pulled out my ipod. Letting my thumb skim the black face of the device, I gently pressed the menu button. The image of the 5 Korean men who formed the group B2ST popped up. Back home, I couldn't go an hour without listening to my music on this. But after only 5 days with these dwarves, the device felt strangely foreign to me now.

I shook my head, remembering where I was and who I was around, then stuffed it back into the bag along with bilbo's clothes.

We made our way out of Rivendell, without Gandalf. The combination of the burning in my legs from running and frequently becoming lost in thought, made focusing on the direction we were going impossible.

_I can't believe I forgot about home. About my family..._I felt guilty for forgetting them. But I felt worse that I didn't miss them. Not really. Looking up, the sun was starting to set. The company was still moving along. Following Balin as he lead us down the invisible trail, that he knew better than any of the other dwarves. I pushed on, not wanting to be left behind.

My thoughts once again drifted. Thinking about my life back home and my family. _Family_. I laughed at the thought. I wasn't close with my parents anymore. My brother was the golden child and I was deemed the black sheep. Thorin and his men have felt more like a family to me. _Maybe that's why I fell in love with this world_. I never wanted to leave. But who knew how long that would last? Sooner or later, I would have to leave the company of the dwarves and brave hobbit.

"We'll make camp here and continue at first light." Thorin's voice pierced through my musings returning me to the group who was now working on setting up camp. Nori and Dori went off into the line of trees, that divided the valley from the forest. Probably in search of fire wood. They were soon followed by Dwalin and Balin who were in charge of catching the food. Fili and Kili were unpacking, laughing and conversing with ease. Watching him laugh, I smiled. I wanted to always see him like this, to see him happy. But I knew that wish was never going to happen. He would eventually leave my life. Whether it was because I would have to return home or worse. My low lip trembled as I thought about the fate of Kili. The image of his lifeless body next to his brother and uncle made my blood run cold. I would give anything to save them from that fate. Forcing the tears down, I let out a shaky breath before putting a smile on my face. Slowly I walked over to him, forcing myself to act normal. He eagerly took my backpack from me and set it down next to his own. Kili straightened with a smile. But one look at me and his smile all but disappeared. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Why?" Kili's frown deepend and gently placed a hand on my shoulder. "I know something is bothering you. Tell me." I was taken aback by how easily he could read me. "It's nothing, I swear." I silently begged that he would just leave it alone. He wouldn't, quickly he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the tree line away from the camp. Once we were out of hearing range did he stop only to pull me into a tight embrace. "I know somethings wrong. What's happened?" I never thought I would fall so easily. I never thought I would get this far in their journey. I grasped the back of his cloak as I buried my face in his chest to hide my tears.

"Please! Let me help you!" The pain was evident in his whisper. Holding back my sob, I silently prayed that Kili would forgive me, someday. Fighting against the desire to stay in Kili's arms forever, I pulled away. "I'm sorry." I internally cringed at the hitch in my voice. Kili let out a breathy laugh, wiping away my tears. "What are you sorry for?" I turned away from his touch and pulled his hand down as I moved back. "I...w-we can't do t-this..." It was impossible to speak against the sobbing that I desperately wanted to hold back. Kili's face dropped with astonishment and confusion.

"What?" He made a move to fill the gap I made, but stopped when I took another step back.

"I'm so sorry." My brows furrowed as he staggered back realizing I wasn't joking. His eyes became wide with disbelief, jaw slack as he shook his head. "N-no. No!"

I didn't expect him to approach me so fast that I couldn't help the tiny squeak from escaping my lips as he grasped my arms, pulling me close. "Why in Durin's name do you say this?" I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I could only stare at Kili through blurry eyes. "Tell me!"

"Because it'll never work!" His harsh word had caused me to jump and say the first thing in my mind. Words that were meant to be only for me to hear. His jaw tightened and grip tightened slightly. "You would give up on us so soon? Give up on me?!" I let a sob escape at the sight of a tear slide down the handsome dwarf's cheek. "I'm n-not...I c-can't..."

"Can't what?!" _Can't let you die loving me. _"Stay." Is what I manage to whisper. "When t-this i-is all o-over...I c-can't stay." The sobbing is harder to control now, causing difficulties in speaking. Kili released my arm to lift my head up to face his. His features now soft as a soft smile tugged at his lips. "Is that what this is about? Of course you can stay." _I want to stay. But I have to do this._ _Why are you making this so much more painful?! _"No one, not even Thorin would force you to -" _No! "No! Don't you get it?!" _

I yank his hand away and pull out of his grip. Kili is once again confused and hurt. "Once this is done, I'm going home. I don't want to be with you and I don't want to be here." I held back a sob as I watched him stagger. "You don't meant that."

"I do." The lie burned on my lips. No words could describe the pain I felt to see Kili break. If I could I would tell him everything about his fate. About his brother and Thorin. But I couldn't.

Kili said nothing else to me as he stormed off back to the camp leaving me in the darkness alone.

Several minutes passed before I started walking back. I waited til I was sure my eyes were no longer puffy from cry and my nose was no longer red.

Upon reaching the group, I immediately noticed Kili and Fili were gone.

"There you are!" Turning to the voice, I saw Bilbo approach me. I smiled at him. "Where did you go off to? We were all very worried." Putting a hand on my back he led me over to cirlce of dwarves, sitting me down next to Balin. "Sorry. I just wanted to walk around. Where did Fili and Kili go?" Balin laughed. "They wanted to gather more fire wood. But keep on your guard, they are a mischievous pair." I could only muster a small smile. I knew the real reason Kili didn't want to stick around. I didn't blame him. I stood up and over to Bofur who was guarding the food from Bomber. Looking at the round dwarf sitting on the ground constantly eye the pot of stew and his brother, I couldn't help but laugh. He reminded me of Garfield. Always hungry and always wanting food.

Moving to his side, he smiled at me. "Is everything alright lass?" I nodded, slowly grabbing the wooden spoon to stir the stew. I could feel Bofur still staring at me. "Just homesick I guess..."

"I understand. We all go through that. But don't you fret, we'll get you home soon enough." I nodded again. I knew that he meant well, but his words only pained me.

"Is everything alright?" The sound of Thorin behind me, caused the pain to be briefly forgotten. I caught Bofur turn in the corner of my eye. "She's just a little homesick." Hearing Thorin move, I turned to find him stand on the other side of me.

"Once we reclaim Erebor, I will give you anything you need to get back home." His smile was surprisingly sincerebut just like Bofur's words, were a painful reminder of my decision. I opened my mouth to thank him, when Bilbo's voice floated over the surrounding conversations.

"We should play some music." Everyone turned towards the hobbit. "It would be a n-nice change." He let out a nervous laugh before quickly looking away. Dwalin was the first to laugh as he stood up.

"Aye. That it would. Bofur get out the instruments." With a quick nod, Bofur moved to the bags.

"Wait." Bofur paused in mid-stride looking back at Thorin. Looking up at the tall dwarf I found him looking down at me. "As we no nothing of your home, perhaps you would be kind enough to share a song or two that you know of." I swallowed nervously. The idea of singing in front of people scared me to death, and the idea of singing right now was terrifying. Shaking my head I looked away. "I d-don't know any."

"Oh come now! You must know of one." Bufor laughed as threw an arm around my shoulders pulling me close. I could, the only song I heard was to the one who's heart I just broke.

"Please Miss May. It would be an honor to hear you sing." I looked over at Ori sitting next to Bomber, leaning forward and looking like an eager child waiting for a present. I bit my lip, my eyes scanning over the dwarves and hobbit who now waited patiently for my response.

"I uh...I know one, but it's kind of a mood killer." Met with confused faces at my choice of words I sighed. "It's not a happy song." I nervously smiled as they all nodded, now understanding what I meant. "That's all right lass. What ever you want to sing if fine." Bofur said pulling away to give me some space. His confidence in my music choice was comforting to me. But the fear of singing to them wasn't.

Taking a deep breath, I looked down and closed my eyes. Images of Kili appeared in my mind as I began to sing.

"Wish, I could be the one

The one who could give you love

The kind of a love you really need

Wish, I could say to you

That I'll always stay with you

But baby, that's not me

You need someone

Willing to give the heart and soul to you

Promise you forever

But baby, that's something I can't do

Oh, I could say that I'll be all you need

But that would be a lie

I know I'll only hurt you, I know I'll only make you cry

I'm not the one you're needing, I love you goodbye"

I'm trying to hold back the tears as I think back to Kili kissing me for the first time. _Please forgive me. _

"I hope someday you can

Find some way to understand

I'm only doing this for you

I don't really wanna go

But deep in my heart, I know

This is the kindest thing to do

Can't find someone

Who'll be the one that I could never be

And give you something better

Than the love you find with me

Oh, I could say that I'll be all you need

But that would be a lie

I know I'll only hurt you, I know I'll only make you cry

I'm not the one you're needing, I love you goodbye"

Lifting my head, I sing to the sky as if it would deliver my pleas of forgiveness to where ever Kili was. _I'm so sorry Kili. But even after the battle, after Thorin finally rules over Erebor, after you become King someday, please understand I did this because I love you. Because I would do anything to save you. _

Leaving someone when you love someone

It is the hardest thing to do when you love someone

As much as I love you, oh, I don't wanna leave you

Baby, it tears me up inside but I'll never be the one

You're needing, I love you goodbye

Baby, It's never gonna work out

I love you goodbye.

I lower my head letting the final note fade into the fire. No one moves or says anything, the only sound coming from the crackling of the fire and the wilderness around us. I can't bare to look up to see their reactions, afraid of falling apart. But from the silence, I would say they didn't like it.

"Are you sure that it is homesickness that plagues you dear?" Balin's words surprise me. Slowly I lift my head to find everyone standing up, they had moved closer to me since I had started singing. Ori, Dori, Bomber and Bilbo had tears in their eyes. The touch of Thorin's hand on my shoulder is my undoing. All the pain and regret of hurting Kili releases as I fall to my knees. Bofur quickly pulls me in letting me sob against his shoulder.

* * *

**Sorry for the delay, I had kept writing and re-writing this chapter. But I hope you enjoyed it. Can you guess May's plan? The lyrics are to Celine Dion's "I Love You Goodbye." **


	12. Confrontation

**Chapter 12**

***Spoiler ALERT: There will be spoilers from this chapter on. For those who have not read the books and don't want to know what's going to happen...I'm sorry. T_T **

Do you know the feeling when your heart has broken? The hollow feeling of numbness? That is the feeling that welcomed me when I awoke. Turning on my back to look up at the still dark sky, the stars and moon provided the only source of light for me. I didn't remember falling asleep last night. Then again, I vaguely remember what had happened after stopped singing. I let out a quiet sigh as I look over to my right. Bofur was still asleep. My heart broke once more as I looked at the snoring dwarf. He had become like a second father to me. I sat up bring my knees to my chest as I looked over the sleeping bunch. Kili and Fili had joined the group once more.

I frowned at the young dwarf who now slept tense. Guilt filled my heart. It was my fault that his features were no longer soft and calm. A part of me wanted to hold him, beg for forgiveness. But I had to let him go. Letting out a silent sigh, I let my head rest onmy knees. _I hate this. _

"Why are you up so early?" I jumped and looked up to find Thorin standing behind Bofur. I shrugged as I stood up. "You should get some more rest." I just shook my head.

"I'm already awake. I can keep watch until light." Thorin chuckled and walked over to a log a few feet away from the group. Sitting down he patted the seat next to him. I bit my lower lip and slowly walked over to sit next to him.

"Tell me about your home." I shook my head in surprise. _I wasn't expecting that._ "Excuse me?"

"You say you wish to return, yet you speak not of where you come from." I frowned and cast my gaze at the ground. _Of course I don't. I can't. Even if I did tell them where I was from, they wouldn't believe me. _

"Why is this?" Not lifting my gaze I shrugged. "Just easier not thinking about it...I guess."

"What made you leave?" The question caused me to look up at the older dwarf. He stared out into the open darkness that surrounded us, keeping a watchful eye for any movement that wasn't from the others. It was the first time anyone had asked my that since coming here. _Crap. Why did he have to ask me now? _

He was staring at me now. _What do I tell him? _I silently cursed to myself. "I uh...I just did." He said nothing but didn't seem satisfied with my answer. I was torn, I didn't know what else to do, so letting out a sigh I went with the truth. "I was heartbroken." I expected a scoff or laugh, something. But Thorin was still silent but this time when I looked at him, he seemed curious. "We were sort of seeing each other."

"Seeing each other?" _Oh yeah...how do I explain this..._"We...he was...courting me? But he just started doing that." With a quick nod from Thorin, I knew he seemed to understand better. "When I found out he was courting another and was more serious about her, I was hurt. So I left."

"You left, but you did not tell your family?" I placed my elbows on my legs and rubbed my face as I leaned forward. "I'm not close with my family. I was only close with my brother. But he's gone now." I felt Thorin's hand on my shoulder but I kept my gaze ahead, remembering my brother as he was before the car accident. "I am sorry." I nodded and managed to wince a smile. Shaking my head I let out a heavy breath. "Guess I don't really have much to go back to." My chest tightened when I registered what I had just said. _Aside from this group, I really had no family to look forward to seeing when I returned. _Feeling my eyes become wet, I stood up and coughed hoping that Thorin didn't notice. "Oh well. Shikataganai."

"What?" I turned around to see Thorin still sitting on the log, looking up at me in confusion. It felt weird to see him looking up at me instead of down. I had a moment of glee that for once, I felt tall-ish. "Oh. Shikataganai. It's a Japanese saying that my grandmother and her parents grew up by. It means it cannot be helped." Thorin straightened up as I continued explaining. "The saying is used when a situation occurs, instead of dwelling on the past and what could have been done to prevent it, you should focus on how you can make the situation better, how you can recover from it." Thorin nodded silently as he turned his gaze from me on to the group. I looked over at the horizon. The sun rising, though it was still really dark, there were hints of orange peeking out like fire behind the trees. The sight reminded me of a battle field. Images of the bodies everywhere, orcs, elves, men, dwarves flashed in my mind. I shuddered. _Thorin and Fili are going to die. Kili..._I closed my eyes thinking of the young dwarf trying desperately not to think of him dead. _I don't want him to die. I don't want any of them to die._

"I know it's none of my business, but I know what it's like to hold onto a grudge. To hate someone for so long for the wrong doings that they've done to you. But you can't-" Thorin stood up suddenly towering over me. "What do you know of wrong doings?" His eyes held so much anger but his voice surprisingly quiet. I wasn't going to back down from the dwarf king who scared the hell out of me. Not yet. "I don't know what it's like to be deserted in a life or death situation -"

"That's right, you know nothing." He quickly dismissed me and moved to walk away when I grabbed his arm. _Shit._ I was just as shocked as he was at my actions. I didn't have any intention of doing that, but now that I had, I took a shaky breath. "You're right, I don't know what it's like to be in your situation. But I know what it's like to be deserted by your own family. To have people who should love you turn their backs on you for no good reason. I understand what it's like to not trust. But for your own family's sake, for your own sake. Please try to forgive the people you hate, even just a little. Even if it's just for a moment."

"Why are you telling me this?" _Because if you don't you're going to get yourself and your nephews killed. _"Because if you don't...I just...I don't want to see you live like this." I hated everything about this situation. Everyday became harder to keep myself at arms length away, to not get closer and be myself around them. But seeing Thorin relax a bit as he gently pulled my hand off his arm, I found part of me didn't care if I dropped my walls.

"So you are concerned for me." I nodded at his comment, letting my head hang. _I'm concerned for everyone. _I jumped a bit when Thorin placed both hands on my shoulders. "You are a kind child. You should not have had to endure what you have."

"Thorin?" Fili's soft voice made Thorin turn and drop his hands. I don't know how long the blond dwarf had been awake or how much he heard but from the look on his face, he was very much awake now as he approached his uncle. Glancing around, everyone else was still asleep and snoring. "It's almost light, should we wake the others?"

Thorin nodded and walked over to Balin who lay behind where Fili stood before the younger dwarf walked up to me. "Is everything alright?" I frowned before shaking my head a bit. I should have lied, but I didn't think I could fake being happy at the moment. "I am sorry about your brother. I don't know what I would do if I lost Kili." I felt a lump form in my throat and my body began to shake. Just the mention of his name caused me pain. But I forced myself to push those feelings aside. _Letting Kili go was the right thing to do_.

Focusing on Fili again, I nodded again but said nothing. I noticed movement around us as the one by one, the dwarves began woke up and began packing up. "You are always welcome to stay with us in Erebor." I turned to Fili with wide eyes. He looked upon me with a soft smile and sincere eyes.

_Kili lifted my head with a soft smile. "...Of course you can stay. No one, not even Thorin would force you to -" _

_"No! Don't you get it?!" I yank his hand away and pull out of his grip. Kili is once again confused and hurt. "...I don't want to be with you and I don't want to be here." I let Kili storm off, leaving me alone. I muffled my sobs with the back of my hand and sank to the soft ground. _

I quickly looked away as my eyes began to water at the memory. "I'm sorry. But I can't." My voice was shaky and unconfident. I had hoped that Fili would just leave, but instead he pulled me up against him into a tight hug. "I understand that you must do what is best. But please know that you will always have family in Erebor." His words meant the world to me as I returned the hug. It was so hard to keep myself from crying. I didn't want to leave any of them. Pulling away, I wipe my eyes. Fili brushed the side of my head. I couldn't help but look around to make sure no one is watching. Everyone was busy packing up. Looking behind Fili on the other side of the pile of charcoal that was our fire, I could see Kili's back was turned to us. His shoulder's tense as he rolled up his bedroll and strapped it to his back.

Apparently, my heart was in control of my body, for before I knew it, I was taking a few steps towards Kili. I managed to stop myself in my tracks. No matter how much I wanted to go to him, tell him how much I loved him and wanted to stay with him, I knew I couldn't. Tearing my eyes away from Kili, I walked over to Bofur to help him finish packing.

We had started the day with the sun shining bright, no clouds above us. With the vast valley and blue skies, on any other day, I would have been in awe at the beauty of the scenery. But with Kili walking up towards the front and me in the rear of the group, I felt no pleasure in my surroundings. Even Bilbo and Bofur's attempts to cheer me up from my "homesickness" were only met with my pathetic attempts at smiling. They seemed to hold no poor feelings towards my current demeanor though as they patted me on the back and let me be with my thoughts.

As the day dragged on, we began our assent up into the mountains. Clouds began to ever so slowly form above us, it wouldn't be long til the sky matched my current mood. I kept thinking about Kili, replaying our moment in Rivendell. The softness from his lips, his playful smile. It was stupid of me to get swept into that. Clenching my fists, I forced the thoughts away. But it seemed impossible for the only sounds around us were the sounds of the dwarves talking amongst themselves and the whistling of the wind. _I can't stand it anymore. _ I quickly swung my bag in front of my and pulled out my ipod before swinging my bag back.

Putting my earphones on, I plugged it into my ipod and quickly turned it on. Already in the music setting, I selected my "work" playlist and pressed the shuffle button. I became surrounded by music and let out a sigh of relief that the first song to play was the fast beat of "Out of Control" by Hoobastank. The words were meaningless to me, I only enjoyed the sound of the music. I began to rock my head to the beat. _I probably shouldn't be listening to this. No. I know I shouldn't be listening to my ipod right now...But I need a distraction. I can't stand making Bofur and Bilbo worry over me. It's stupid to stay in this mood for the rest of the trip. I have to at least try to be happy...right? _

So lost in my internal argument, I didn't notice Fili had moved next to me until I felt a tap on my shoulder. Snapping my head up to the dwarf on my right, I quickly pull out my earphones. "What is that in your hand?" I swallowed as I tried to conceal my ipod. "It's nothing. Just something from home."

Fili swiftly reached around pulling the device from my hands. _No! Shibal! (Shit!) Kaeshite! (Give it back!) _Quickly I tried to take it back, but the dwarf was taller than me and easily kept it from my reach as he examined it. "Such an unusual object." I gave up trying to get it for fear of causing the others to notice. "I've never seen anything like this before. It isn't a weapon." Watching him turn it over and poke at it, I puffed up my cheeks out of frustration. "What does it do?" He stared at me with suspicious eyes, something he hadn't shown me since we first met. "It's uh...it's not a weapon, it's like a music box." I hoped that the answer would be suffice, but seeing how Fili raised a brow and frowned, I knew I was wrong.

"This is like no music box I've ever seen. You have never said where you are from. Nor have you made any mentions of who you are. So who are you?" My heart sped up. I had no idea how to respond as the blond dwarf kept his eyes on me. Quickly I tried to think of the places in Middle Earth, places that maybe he hadn't heard of. "It would be wise not to lie anymore." I stopped walking as my blood ran cold and heart skipped a beat. Fili slowly walked to stand in front of me glaring down. "Who are you? And do not lie to me like you have to my brother." I swallowed in fear. _Otteoke? (what do I do?) _Watching Fili's eyes narrow, I got my answer. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath.

"My name really is May." Looking behind him, I see that no one has noticed that we've stopped as they become farther away. "Where are you from? Are you a witch?" I shake my head and snap my focus back to Fili.

"No! I'm not a witch. I'm human." Fili looked at me in disbelief with the mention of human. I rolled my eyes. "Yes I'm short, I know. I shouldn't be this short. I should be taller than all of you. But when I came here...I shrank." _Wow ok, saying that out loud sounds crazy even to me. _"Look all you have to know is I'm not a witch and once this is over, I'm going to be gone. And...I never wanted to hurt your brother." I made my way to move around Fili and catch up with the others when a hand pulled me back.

"You will tell me everything you know or I will make you pay for hurting him." Fili's anger made me understand the seriousness of the situation. This time I couldn't just make up an excuse or brush off his questions. I nodded slowly and gently grabbed his hand that was grasping my arm. "Ok. But can we please start walking. I don't want the others to notice." Speaking softly, Fili left go and gave a curt nod. _So much for keeping at an arms distance from now on. _Taking a deep breath, I began to walk, Fili by my side.

_I have no idea where to start. _"Where are you from?" _Sure we can start there. _Looking up at Fili, there was no amusement, no kindness as he stared as head at the others. Turning my attention to the trail, I let out a slow breath. "I'm from San Diego, California. Until I met Gandalf near the Shire, I had never been to Middle Earth before." Fili staggered. "I don't understand."

Turning to him, I let out a frustrated laugh. "I don't either. That's the problem." Fili's brows furrowed, as he tilted his head at me. I continued walking again, keeping my eyes ahead. "I wasn't lying when I said that I left because I was heartbroken. Before I came here I was camping with a guy I thought I loved, but he had invited another girl and their friends without telling me. I knew that he didn't care about me and I was hurt. So I went hiking by myself. I kept walking until I found this river I knew of, and when I got there I just laid down on the rock and fell asleep. When I woke up I was here." Fili said nothing. I didn't blame him, his head probably hurt with confusion. Mine sure did when I first woke up. But it was weird how saying this out loud to someone seemed to lift a weight that I didn't know I held.

After a few minutes of silence, I began to worry that I had made a mistake in confiding in Fili. Not that I really had a choice in the matter. Fili let out a small cough. "So you say that you aren't from Middle Earth but this San Digo?" I bit my lip to hold back a laugh at the question.

"Diego. Not Digo. But yeah. That's what I'm saying." Fili nods his head as he processed what I had told him. "But you say you have never been here before, yet you knew of Rivendell. How's that possible?" I winced. _Damn. I hope he forgot about that._

"I can't tell you." Not wanting to get hit or threatened again, I panicked. "Look I know that you don't trust me, and you have every right not too. But please don't ask me how I know what I know because if I tell you I'm afraid that it'll change everything and I would rather die than see any of you get hurt." I was rambling and my pace sped up.

"How can I believe you when you've already hurt Kili?!" My steps slowed, Fili's words reminded me of the pain that I had so desperately wanted to forget. "I never wanted to hurt him."

"Then why did you?" I licked my lip and tried to control the shaking in my body. "If you didn't want to cause him pain and if you care for him why would you tell him these lies?"

"Because I love him!" My voice cracked. I was on the verge of crying once more. "I'm sorry for everything I said to him. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. I won't. Not if I can..." My eyes widen as I catch myself from saying anything more. Quickly I walk after the group as I curse to myself, roughly wiping away the tears from my cheeks. The motion causing my wrists to burn with pain. _Dammit. I keep forgetting about my damn wrists. _

I hear Fili's steps run up to me before I feel him stop me. "Not if you can what?" His voice is low and threatening. I shutter in fear of the blond dwarf and in fear of saying the rest of that sentence. I shake my head but he holds both sides of my face, stopping my motion. Lowering to meet my eyes, he snarls. "Not if you can what?"

"Not if I can save him." My lower lip trembles and a small sob escapes. Fili's eyes widen as he drops his hands to my shoulders. "Tell me what you know!" I let out another sob as I shake my head. "Please-"

"Tell me what you know! What do you mean save him!?" He's pleading now, his voice raises and I frantically make sure no one has heard him. My voice is shaky from my tears as I try to hush him and cover his mouth with my fingers. "I c-can't tell you. P-please don't m-make me tell y-you." Fili shoves my hand away and grasps my head once more. "Tell me!" His words hiss behind his clenched jaw. "He dies!" Fili's hands drop and face falls as he steps away shaking his head. "He dies, with you and Thorin." Fili falls to his knees, silently he mouths "no". I cover my mouth to muffle my sobs and walk over and wrap my arms around him. Gently, Fili wraps his arms around me. "How?" I could barely make out the question that was barely a whisper. But when I figured out what he meant, I could only shake my head. I tried to speak but all I could do was open and close my mouth. "I'm sorry." There was so much I was sorry for, but the two words were the best I could do. Fili seemed to understand, slowly nodding against my stomach.

Looking back, the group was now a blur in the distance. I pulled lightly on his arms still around my legs. "We should catch up with everyone." With a nod, Fili let go and slowly stood. Looking up into the bright blue eyes, I could clearly see his fear. I frowned. "Look you can't tell anyone about what I said." Fili glanced at the group that move farther away with each second. His brows furrowed and frown deepened. After hesitating for a moment, he finally nodded. I let out a sigh of relief. _I really hope he keeps this promise. _"I'm promise I'm going to do everything I can to keep you and your family safe." Fili shifted his eyes to meet mine. I watched as he studied my face before letting out a laugh. The laughter pushed away my sadness only to replace it with confusion.

Fili turned me in the right direction as he pushed me to walk with him. "I didn't think I would live to see the day, a woman of man would vow to protect a group of dwarves and a hobbit." I had to laugh with him as relief washed over me. "You seriously can't tell anyone else about this. Especially Thorin and Kili." Fili nodded curtly, patting me on the back. "I promise. Now tell me more about your world and how you know of ours." I smiled as Fili put his arm around my shoulders. "Well the first time I heard of Middle Earth was in this movie called Lord of the Rings."

* * *

**I thought it would be an interesting twist if one of them found out who she was. Since she's let it slip more than once that she's not from here. **


	13. A storm is brewing

**Chapter 13**

The journey up the mountains was surprisingly easy as I talked with Fili. After explaining about how J.R.R tolkien's books and the movies, being sure to leave out mentions of the ring and Gollum, his suspicions of me seemed to lessen. While he still found it hard to believe, he didn't look at me with accusing eyes or question my motives anymore. We had easily caught up with Bofur, but made sure to keep a distance so the older dwarf wouldn't hear our conversation of movies and the development of cameras.

"In your world, do you build these...cameras?" I shook my head and chuckled. "No." I laughed as Fili raised an brow. "Then how do you know so much about them?"

"I'm a media major...uh...I'm a student and I learn about the history of movies and how to make movies. But I don't learn how to make the equipment I use."

"I see." I smiled as I looked ahead. Dark clouds began to float over us. In the distance a gray sheet of rain covered the black mountains and soon we too would be engulfed by the sheet. Shaking off the nerves, I turned back to Fili who appeared to be lost in his thoughts. I cracked my neck and readjusted my pack. I could see the tip of the green hood four dwarves a head of me and frowned.

"How do you intend to save him?" I blinked looking up at Fili then back at Kili. "I don't know." Catching Fili nod from the corner of my eye, he said no more. It was a lie, I knew what I was going to do. But I couldn't tell him, just like I couldn't tell Kili.

To say it was just raining would be a complete and utter lie. It was pouring. The loud claps of thunder shook my body and the water made the narrow rock path slick. Keeping my eyes ahead, I kept very close to the cliff wall. Heights were never my thing and to see the dwarves cautiously look over the edge didn't easy my terror.

"Come on lass." Bomber shouted over the rain, as he gently pulled me away from the wall as he and Fili helped maneuver me towards the middle of the line. I don't honestly know how it was done, I had my eyes closed the entire time and prayed that I didn't fall. In this moment, I would have gladly taken a blade from an orc, than plunged to my death. But then again, plunging to my death would have been nicer than opening my eyes to a very unhappy dwarf prince. I sucked in a breath as he looked down on me. I braced myself for him to yell as he opened his mouth, but with the sudden commotion behind of us, we both turned to find Bilbo being helped up by Dwalin and Bofur after loosing his footing. I felt for the poor hobbit who was pale with fear.

"Look out!" Seeing Dwalin point, I turned to see a giant rock flying towards us. Everyone moved, Bofur and Ori being pulled back against the wall as the boulder smashed into pieces, and cascading down in front of us. I whimpered as one of the pieces smashed part of the ledge in front of me, making the path even more narrow. My heart raced as I tried to push myself closer to the wall. Hearing Balin's voice, the words lost in the rain, I opened my eyes to see everyone move out to the ledge in disbelief of the storm giant that detached itself from the rocky mountain.

My heart dropped as I recalled what had happened in the movie version of was no time for me to react for the ground began to shake and fear had frozen my body. Looking around I could see the others fall back and hold on, as more rocks came crashing down around us. Hearing Kili yell, I look down to see the ground split. He quickly jumped to his left and turned to face me with his hand extended.

"May you have to jump!" Fili grasped my shoulders and pushed me to his brother. "No!" _No i'm going to fall! _"Don't!" I tried to back up as I got closer to the ledge but it was no use. "May jump!" The unison of both brothers as one pushed on my back and the other waiting to catch me gave me enough courage to leap forward.

It was just my luck that the giant decided to stand right then causing me to slip just as I lifted my leg. I let out a cry as I felt myself fall forward. But in no time at all, Fili pulled me back and into his arms as the giant took a step forward to punch the other giant. Moving back up against the leg of the giant, Fili slipped on the wet stone. I didn't think, as moved in front of the falling dwarf and pushing my whole body against him, dug my heels into the floor. We stopped for a second or two before I felt my feet slip backwards. I felt Fili's arms around my waist as we tried desperately to keep from falling off. As the giant took a step back, our center of gravity was sent in the same direction. I fell against Fili, hearing him grunt at being pressed against a rock and me.

Surrounded by the cries of fear from the dwarves, the clashing of rock against rock and the erratic motions of the giant, I found myself glued to Fili with my eyes closed once again. A loud roar echoed in the air. I opened my eye. The giant stopped moving and a relief hit me before we were moving again. This time we were moving forward closer and closer to the side of the cliff. My eyes grew wide as I tightened my arms around Fili's waste.

"Hold on!" Fili hastily turned us around, so my back was pressed up against the wall of the cliff as he shielded my body. There was nothing I could hold onto as the knee of the giant collided with the cliff, sending all of us falling onto narrow ledge.

Dwalin and Bomber let out sighs of relief. I still clung to Fili, my body trembling and tense. "We're safe. It's ok." I gave a slight nod against his chest as he sat us up. I could already tell that my body was going to be suffering tomorrow as I let my arms drop from his waste. Fili gave me a small smile, rubbing my arms in attempts to soothe me.

"Are you okay?" I started to nod before shaking my head. "I hate heights." He laughed a bit before leaning in to kiss my the top of my head. I blushed and bit my lip with embarrassment.

"Bilbo! Where's Bilbo!?" _Bilbo! _ Quickly I jumped up and rushed over to the side of the cliff just past Ori. Bilbo was dangling from the ledge. I hastily took off my pack and holding on to one side of the bag, I laid on the ground. "Bilbo! Grab my bag!" Holding out the back, Bilbo grabbed onto it, as Bofur and Ori reached down. I strained to hold my grip as the hobbit grabbed on. He was heavier than I expected, but I had finally managed to do some good with the knowledge I had. With the help of Dwalin, we lifted Bilbo up. The hobbit was shaking and panting as we sat him down. I couldn't help but smile, knowing that Thorin didn't almost fall helping Bilbo up.

"I thought we almost lost our burglar." _Of course now Dwalin has to que Thorin._ I frowned as I watched Thorin tell the others he has no place among them. The look of realizing what was just said on the hobbit's face was all too familiar. I looked up at Kili. The dwarf was in a fowl mood once again. _I really wish things were different. _I frowned before turning to Bilbo to help him up. "Thank you." I gave a small smile as Bilbo slowly followed the others into the cave.

I stayed behind. My body was shaking still, a mixture of adrenaline rush, fear and cold. Looking down at the pile of rock that once was a giant, I felt dizzy. _I could have died. If Fili hadn't saved me…I would have died. _I stumbled back until my back hit the wall of the cliff. _Nothing would have changed and Kili would still die. _Despite being cold and drenched, I was happy it was raining, for my tears mixed with the water on my face. A figure coming out from the mountain caught the corner of my eye. Looking over, Fili is walking over to me.

"What are you still doing out here?" I look back at the ledge, shakily inhaling. "I could have died." Fili leaned in closer to me. My words were more said to myself out loud than for him to hear. But to look back and come nose to nose with Fili. His blue eyes filled with confusion and concern. I swallowed and coughed a bit. "I was scared. I couldn't jump." Fili nodded and wiped my hair away from my face. "It's alright. You're safe."

"I could have died and Kili…I need to tell him I love him. I don't want him to think- I can't let him think -" Fili pulled me in to his embrace and stroked me back as he whispered how he understood. "Let's get you inside." I slowly nodded as he pulled away. As he led me to the cave, my legs gave out under me. If he had been Kili, I would have swooned as the dwarf swiftly caught me before lifting me up in his arms like a bride. But he wasn't, and as I wrapped my arms around his neck, my chest tightened.

The cave was warmish, in comparison to outside. But the outside was more comforting than the feeling of all the dwarves and a stunned Bilbo Baggins staring at me in Fili's arms.

"I see our Fili and Miss May have taken a liking to each other." I glared at Dwalin who smiled at Thorin. _Really? Of all the things you could say, you choose that? _Thorin didn't seem too pleased with the comment either, but the others were entertained by the idea as they joined in Dwalin's laughing. Well everyone but Kili who is standing behind us, eyes wide. Looking up at Fili, there's a smirk on his face as he rolls his eyes and carries me over to his and Kili's bedroll.

As he sets me down on one of the bedrolls, he straightens up as he turns to Kili. "Keep an eye on her. She may seem fine, but she was shaken."

"Why should I watch her? Did you forget that she is the reason you almost died?" His words shocked everyone, including me. "She has caused nothing but trouble. Why did you not just stay back with the elves?" Kili didn't look at me, he didn't look at anyone when he said those words. The cave was silent, uncertain of what to do or what was going on. My jaw tensed, I knew he was right. I had made enough trouble for him.

"We should all get some sleep. It's been a long day." Balin's comment broke some of the tension as I heard the others grunt in agreement and the rustling of cloth as they got ready for bed. Neither Fili nor Kili moved nor said anything. They just stared at each other, almost like a stand off. _This was wrong. They shouldn't be fighting. _Before I could move, it seemed their silent conversation ended, as Fili lay down next to me pulling me down with him. Peeking over Fili, I frowned as I watched Kili pull his bedroll away from Fili before slumping down, back turned to us. "He didn't mean what he said." Laying my head down, I felt a tear run down my cheek. "Yeah he did. My plan worked. He no longer cares for me." I didn't want to see Fili stare at me with pity, so I turned around and waited for sleep to come.

I awoke to the sound of whispering. More precisely Bilbo's whispering. "None of you do! You're dwarves! You're used to this life. To living on the road. Never settling in one place. Not belonging anywhere!" Sitting up I could see Bofur's shoulder's drop and Bilbo's face falter as he realizes what he just said. "You know, I'm sorry. I don't-" I stood up as Bofur nodded. "No, you're right." Bofur's eyes meet mine before sadly looking over at the other dwarves. "We don't belong anywhere." Bilbo looked down, ashamed of saying what he had and regretting his words. "I wish you all the luck in the world." Walking up to Bilbo, I gently place a hand on his shoulder getting his attention. I want to convince him to stay, but how could I when I now questioned my own place among the dwarves. Giving a small nod, I moved to give him a hug but stopped when Bofur pointed out Bilbo's sword.

Stepping back, Bilbo pulls it out of the sheath revealing it to be glowing blue. _Oh no! The goblins! _From the back of the cave, came the sound of sand falling and creaking of a door. Quickly looking around, I can see the lines from the trap doors reveal themselves. Thorin shoots up as he yells for everyone to wake up. But it's too late, for the floors open beneath us.


	14. The Storm

**Chapter 14**

_First I almost die because of the storm giants and now this. _I don't mind roller coasters or water parks. Most of the times they're really fun because they don't hurt so much. Falling and sliding against somewhat smoothed rock was not fun and hurt like hell. As much as I wanted to keep my eyes closed, I couldn't. I tried to find something to grab ahold of, to stop myself, but there was nothing. We were going to fast and logistically, if I did grab onto part of the wall, I would end up hurting myself even more. The slide soon disappeared and I cried out as we fell closing my eyes. Letting out a grunt, I looked up to find myself on top of Kili. I opened my mouth to apologize but words escaped me. I wanted to kiss him so badly.

"Look out!" Snapping out of my trance, I turned to see a hoard of Goblins racing towards us. In a matter of seconds, we were all pulled up and forced into a line, shoving us down the path. Fighting back did no good as there were too many rushing towards us. It was chaos, pure chaos as they prodded at us and hurried us along. It felt like being in a crowd waiting for a store to open for Black Friday. The smell around us mixed with the sound of squealing and cries from the goblins was disgusting. Several times, the Goblins beside me would poke at my side, or shove me forward, making me trip up. The feeling of their hands on me was revolting.

"Keep up!" The goblin behind me shoved me into Kili. _That's it! _Spinning around I attempt to take a swing at the Goblin, when Fili pushed aside the Goblin and grabbed my hand. "Don't provoke them. Just keep moving." Fili turned me around holding me up so I wouldn't fall as we got shoved against Kili and Thorin.

The further down we went into the cave, the more narrow the path had become. The wooden planks we walked over were surprisingly sturdy for how decayed they appeared. Still being somewhat shielded by Fili, I kept moving forward, fighting the urge to shove the goblins off the side. The cheering and cries of the goblins echoed and rang loud as we reached what looked like the main cave. My mouth dropped at the sight before me. Goblins and torches everywhere. Along the walls of the cave, on bridges that hung above us. A gasp escaped from my throat as I saw skulls hanging on posts just in front of random entry ways. None were human, mostly animal skulls, but the sight was very disturbing none the less.

Fili pressed up against me as everyone was hurrying along. Leaning down I felt his hot breath on my ear. "Stay close and out of sight." I gave a quick nod, as I strained to see ahead of us. A large fat goblin sit in the center of the wooden maze. I thought he was gross to look at in the movie. The movie wasn't so bad in comparison to real life. The closer we got to him, though, my mind shifted from disgust to fear. The Great Goblin was a fitting name for the giant that awaited us. _Sumo wrestlers wouldn't even stand a chance against him._

We were clustered together when we finally approached the giant goblin. Fili wrapped his arm around me, pulling me swiftly behind him as we watched the goblins surround us, taking away our weapons and throwing them in front of the king. With a thrust of his body, the goblin king all but fell off his chair, swuishing the four goblins that lay at his feet. I believe their job was to be a step stool for him. I knew that these were horrible creatures, but seeing them get squished like that I couldn't help but feel bad for them.

"Who would be so bold as to come armed in _my _kingdom?" I ducked behind Fili as the king scanned our group. "Spies? Thieves? Assassins?!" _Really? Assassins? I'm pretty sure a group of assassins would be a little smarter than to make camp up in the cave we were at. _"Dwarves, your malevolence." The goblin that lead the troops inched forward. "Dwarves?!"

"Found them on the front porch." The Great Goblin perked up at hearing this. "Well don't just stand there! Search them!" Boney hands patted us down, taking away anything they could find an destroying it. My heart was beating so fast as I tried to keep well hid behind Fili. At one point, I was pulled away from behind him but a quick grab of Fili's hand and thrust forward, I managed to glue myself back onto him. I turned my head against Fili's back to find Kili fighting off a goblin as it stripped away his sword and bow and arrows. Accepting that he couldn't stop the creature from its task, Kili let go and glared. Cautiously I reached out and touched his shoulder but the action only made him jump, ready to fight. Retracting my hand, our eyes meet. His eyes seemed to soften before they turned cold as he looked at his brother. Looking up at the back of Fili's head, my eyes widened. I hastily took a small step back, still aware that I needed to keep hidden. Kili only seemed to be more angry with me as I shook my head. "Kili it's not what you think. The goblin's were pulling me away and I -"

"It isn't enough you must toy with my heart, but now you go for my brother." I winced as he leaned in close. Fili turned to his brother, pulling him away from me. "Now isn't the time Kili. We'll talk about this later." Kili yanked his arm away from Fili. "No! She's nothing more than a temptress and would probably turn her affection to Thorin if you weren't around!" His voice silenced the goblins and called all attention on to the us. Panic set in, once again I was part of unwanted attention and this time the attention came from goblins and their king.

"What do we have here? A female. Among a group of dwarves." The Great Goblin's laughter drew the laughter from all the others. "This is indeed interesting. Bring her to me!" At the touch of two goblin's boney hands on my arms, I threw my right elbow at one's nose and stepped on the other's foot. It had loosened their grip enough for me to pull my arms free when one jumped me from behind, wrapping his arms around my chest. Looking up I saw the other's being restrained from helping me.

"Wait!" Hearing Thorin's voice, I paused my struggling and looked up to see the dark haired dwarf step forward. The Great Goblin smiled, his already wide eyes, became even wider as he recognized who approached him. "Well well well! Look who it is. Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, King Under the Mountain." Mockingly the goblin bowed with a twirl of his finger. "Oh! But I'm forgetting you don't _have _a mountain. And you're not a king, which makes you…nobody really." Several goblins snickered at the comment. _Otteoke? (What should I do?) Think. Gandalf doesn't come until later after they bring out the torture devises. _One of the goblins poked at my stomach, laughing as I flinched at his touch. I struggled once more against the hold on me, but it's grip tightened around me making it a little hard to breath. Fili shook his head ever so slightly. Taking it as a sign to not do anything, I nodded before relaxing my body as best I could.

"A pale orc astride a white warg." Fili's eyes widened as he heard mention of Azog. "_The movie." _was all I got from trying my best to read his lips. Turning his attention back at me, I smiled weakly. If he didn't believe me earlier, he certainly did returned our attention back to the goblin king, his messenger boy sliding down the rope on his way to tell Azog of Thorin's whereabouts.

"It won't be long before Azog arrives. But until then, why don't we have a little fun? Bring forth the female dwarf." My heart stopped and blood ran cold at hearing the word "fun". The goblin lifted me up. I began kicked and struggling as I was moved forward. I could hear the cries and protests of the other dwarves. I managed to get one arm out and started hitting my captor before he threw me over his shoulder. "No! Let me go!" Turning my head, I got close to his hear and quickly belted the highest note I could hit. It seemed to work, for I was dropped and scrambled to my feet as the goblin held his ear. Six goblins approached me, their arms out ready to tackle and grab for me. Looking around I dove for the pile of swords.

"NO! Grab her!" No sooner had he said that, did I get dog piled on. The feeling of being crushed against a pile of weapons and I don't know how many goblins was something I hoped to never experience again. Hands groped me as I grabbed a small dagger from the pile and stuck it in the waist of my pant as quickly as I could. I was dragged to my feet, still struggling but now facing the amused king. "I must say, I have never seen a female with so much spirit. Did you really think you could escape?"

"Leave her alone!" "Let her go!" I turned to find the others struggling against the many goblins who were holding them back. "Bring up the mangler! Bring up the bone breaker! Let's hear her scream." The smile on the giant goblin made my skin crawl and the sound of the cries from the dwarves made the situation that much worse. I clenched my fist, as I watched the monster before me laugh with sickening glee. Using as much force I could muster, I stomped my heel on to the toes of one of the goblins. The second he released my right arm, I turned my body and grabbed the hand that held my left arm, pulling my arm against his thumb. Breaking his hold, I tweaked his wrist back, throwing him to the ground. Grabbing the knife from my pants, I shoot my hand out just in time to make contact with another goblin's stomach. The squish of the dagger digging into his gut was horrifying. My hand was shaking as I pushed against his shoulder to get the dagger out. My first kill and even if it was a goblin, I felt sick. My mind raced, replaying look of surprise in the goblin's face. So horrified with what I had done and with such ease, it took a while to register the warning cries from the dwarves. By the time I did look at them, it was too late. I cried out as something hard his me on the back, sending me to the floor. I tried getting up, when I was hit in the back again. I stayed still this time, the pain on my back too painful for me to attempt another go at standing.

"Ah good! They're here." _No! He can't be here already! Not yet! _It took a lot of strength to lift my head against the pain, but the fear of seeing the pale orc seemed to help me past that issue. I didn't see any orc though, instead I saw two giant contraptions. The bone crusher and the mangler I assumed. "I believe hearing you scream will be most enjoyable." He sneered at me before pushing his staff into my upper back, extracting a pained hiss from me. _I'm not going to scream. Not for you, you bastard. _He pressed down harder. I felt like if he were to press any harder, it would go straight through me. Closing my eyes tight, I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out, and my fingers scraped against the wooden floor.

"I admire your strength." The sincerity of his words were anything but pleasing, especially as he eased off his staff. I could feel my body relax enough to release my lower lip, but I refused to move or open my eyes. "But I wonder how strong you would be now?" _What?_ Opening my eyes, I lifted my head. "Bring me the dark haired dwarf. The one who caused so much commotion earlier." My face paled as the cheers roared through the cave drowning out the sound of the dwarves. _No. Not Kili. _I scrambled to my knees, pushing away the staff, staring in horror at the sight of Kili struggling against the goblins, moving him to one of the devices. "What's say we-"

"No! Don't hurt him!" Kili's eyes shot up to me. The floor shook as the Goblin walked over to Kili. "So you do have a weakness. How touching." He laughed as he poked Kili in the chest with his staff. Kili glared at the goblin king, struggling against the hold of the goblin minions. "You have two choices. Either you can watch him die or you can take his place." I watched Kili's face fall and the other's fall silent. Furrowing my brows, the decision was easy if it mean't saving Kili. _But if I do this now, Kili, Fili and Thorin will still die at Erebor. _Finding Fili in the group, he was scared. He knew that I would do anything for his brother, even if it meant I couldn't be with him. I could only pray that he understood that from looking in my eyes.

"Well? What will you choose?" The Goblin prodded Kili in the chest once again as I turned to him, trying hard not to hide my fear. "I'll take his place."

"What?!" Both the goblin king and Kili starred at me shocked. "May what are you saying?" Kili was in disbelief. I swallowed around the lump that formed in my throat. "You heard me! Now let him go!" I shivered seeing the sneer appear on his face. "Very well." With a wave from his hand, he motioned for Kili to be moved back.

"NO!" Kili thrashed about as the goblin minions held him back, as they seemed panicked on what to do. I didn't move as some minions ran up to me, pulling me to my feet. "May! What are you doing?!" Thorin shouted. He and Fili were the only ones who were too stunned to move, the others made great efforts to stop this.

"No!" Kili's voice made it difficult to hold the mask in place. "May don't do this!" My heart sped up as I reached one of the contraption. Looking up, the devise had a wooden wall that was covered with rows of spikes on one side and support beams on the other. Another wall, that looked like it was capable of moving up and down, was equally equipped with spikes. Sweat ran down my face and body started shaking. I was almost at the devise when a deafening boom and a flash of white light filled the room and sent everyone to the ground. With no one to block me, I was thrown near the edge of the platform. Rolling on my back, away from the ledge, everything was fuzzy and dark.

Blinking my eyes a few time, as the light returned to the cave, I looked over at the source of the boom to see a dark figure wearing a pointy hat. _Gandalf. Finally._ Slowly everyone rose to stare at the wizard, still dazed from the blast.

"Take up arms. Fight. Fight!" As if nothing had happened, the goblins jumped into action their attention now focused on Gandalf giving Bofur and Bomber the opportunity to grab the weapons and toss them to the others. "He wields the foe hammer! The beater! Bright as daylight!" Everyone was fighting now, and for the moment, I was happy that they hadn't noticed me. Sitting up, I winced as pain shot down my back. The staff hit me harder than I thought and the blast Gandalf sent didn't help at all. I took a few deep breaths before pushing past the pain and standing up. Each dwarf seemed to have about 4 to 6 goblins on them. Kili was making good progress in killing the goblins. I smiled but I didn't try to help. I remembered this from the movie as well as the book. They would make it out of here fine. At the moment, I needed to find a weapon that I could use. I scanned the ground and came across a spear like weapon that a goblin must have dropped near the goblin king's chair. "May!" My head turned to my name being called. Kili had spotted me. I shifted my glance from the spear to Kili then back to the spear. "No! May don't!" _Sorry Kili_. Ignoring his orders, I made a run for it only to skid to a stop as the goblin king stepped in front of me.

"Where do you think you're going?" He lifted his staff above his head and not wanting to die just yet, I sprinted around him. The goblin king clumsily turned around giving me time to pick up the staff and cut his leg. He let out a horrid cry and swung at me again. I hit the ground, the staff making a swishing noise just above me. The goblin turned his back on me at seeing Thorin. I quickly stood up as the goblin king took a swing at the dwarf. His hit recoiled off Thorin's blade, the force sending him backwards towards the edge of the platform. I tried to run out of the way, but the floor came out from under me as the Goblin king fell. I cried out and shot my hands out. I managed to catch myself on part of the platform with one hand. How I did it, I will never know. Trying to keep from slipping, I strained to get my other hand to grab on but I couldn't. The combination of sweaty hands and my body shaking was quickly making me lose my grip on the wood. _Help! I need help! I shouldn't call out. What if it's one of them that hears me? _I was now hanging on by the tips of my fingers, my pinky barely touching the wood.

"Help!" My fingers slipped off the wood and I began to fall. I let out a sharp cry when my descent was stopped with a painful jerk on my shoulder. Looking up, I found Kili holding only onto my hand. "I got you! Don't let go!" I stared up at the dwarf. The fear was very apparent on my face and on his as well. My hand was still very slick with sweat and even with his hand being gloved, I could feel myself slipping. "I'm slipping!"

"No! Don't you let go!" I winced as his grip tightened. "I can't!"

"Yes you can!" My heart stopped at the creaking of wood. _I have to tell him. I have to tell him now. _"I'm sorry."

"May hold on! Thorin!" Kili scanned behind him, as he tried to adjust his grip on my hand. Looking up at the wood beneath Kili, I could see it begin to split. _He needs to get off the board._ "No! Kili please!" I could see him panic seeing me cry. "I was never after Fili. I lied earlier. I had to because I couldn't…I wanted to protect you."

"What are you saying!?" Water drops hit my shoulder. I choked up realizing that Kili was crying. "Just know that no matter what happens. I will always love you." Kili's eyes widened as I slowly lifted my fingers from his hand causing my hand to slip even faster.

"No no no! You can't do this! May please just hold on!" The wood creaked louder. There was no time left. "I love you Kili." Kili frantically tried to hold onto my fingers, but soon we were separated. I closed my eyes against the tears that fell as the sound of Kili's anguished cries faded. Opening my eyes, I accepted my fate and allowed myself to be swallowed up in the darkness. _  
_

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**Well that's it. Hope you enjoyed reading the tale of May. Just kidding, it's not over just yet. We're just getting started people. ^_- Please review. **


	15. Lost

**Chapter 15**

I don't know if I had my eyes closed or not as I fell, for all I could see was darkness. The only light came from remembering Kili's face as I let go of his hand. I didn't scream out, I just stared and told him I loved him. And now I was falling to my death. My stomach dropped possibly a mixture of knowing that I was going to die soon or because I was falling feet first into the ground. Looking down, there was light and soon the walls opened around me, creating a vast hollowness in the mountain.

The ground of the cave rushed up and instinctually I tensed up and closed my eyes tight awaiting the pain of my bones crushing below me. The rush of freezing cold water surrounding me and once again darkness surrounded me. I felt panic rise up, as I frantically kicked and thrashed about. I opened my eyes and looked up. I forced myself to calm down. With the need for air and one strong kick I thrusted myself up to the surface. I gasped for air, swinging my arms around me, I turned in the water scanning my surroundings. Over to my right about a yard away there stood a large pointed rock in the center of this underground lake that I had managed to land in. _Gollum_ My breathing became shaky as the cold of the water started to affect me. As quietly as I could, I kicked to slightly jump up as I tried to get a better view of the rock before sliding back into the water. _No sign of Gollum…or Bilbo. _

Scanning the cave again, I managed to find the edge of the lake that I assume is where Bilbo met Gollum. I wasn't how much the story had changed now, but not wanting to take any chances, I silently swam over the lake edge. I had never tried to guess what was in the dark waters when I read the book, or when I saw the movie, but now swimming in it my heart beat sped up with fear that there could be something other than fish swimming with me. Thinking that, I sped up my frog kicks and arm strokes.

The water became shallow under me allowing me to stop swimming and walk up to the surface. My whole body tingled as I walked out of the water. I looked around as I wrapped my arms around me, trying hold in the remaining warmth I had left. _I have to get out of here. _Wringing out my hair, I start walking in the direction that I remember seeing Bilbo go in the movie. The walls quickly close in beside me. The further I go, the more narrow the tunnel becomes.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

_Oh my god! Jinjja!? (Seriously!?) "_How many tunnels does this cave have!?" I had come to another small opening that split off into two tunnels once again.

_"He stole it! We hates him!"_ Gollum's cries didn't help as the sound only bounced off the walls. My eyes darted back and forth at each tunnel. Water dripped off my clothes creating a puddle at my feet, my breathing was starting to get shallow as I began to hyperventilate. I was losing time, by now the dwarves and Bilbo were outside and soon Azog would find them. Scratching my head, I scrunch my face in frustration before running down the tunnel to my right. I keep an eye out for any smaller tunnels, like the one that Bilbo found but there was only solid rock around me.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Shit. Please don't tell me I went the wrong way!" It seemed like the tunnel would never end. I gave up on this tunnel and quickly made my way back.

It took me a few minutes to get back to the open passage I started at, recognizing the water puddle a few feet away from the tunnel entrance. I dashed around the corner to go down the other tunnel. It was a bit more narrow than the other, forcing me to shift my shoulders a bit to the side. _Hurry! Gotta hurry! Kili, I'm coming! _I skid as I found the passage. I ducked as I walked under the rocky entrance. There was a small gap in the wall. Kneeling down, I lift a gold button and look around finding 2 other buttons.

Standing up, I ran up to the gap and scooted sideways into the hidden tunnel. I dashed down the tunnel. Seeing the light from the outside coming from the left of the tunnel, I picked up my speed, jumping over the same boulder that Bilbo jumped over when avoiding Gollum. I slid against the wall of the mountain and quickly ran outside.

It was night outside, the moon temporarily shining through the clouds. Quickly looking back, I saw no signs of Gollum but I shook off the curiosity of where he went to turn my attention back ahead of me. My eyes widened when I saw smoke and the red orange light of fire. A lot of fire. I skidded to a stop as I heard the cries of orcs and howls of wargs. Suddenly a loud swish came from above me. My mouth dropped as I saw a giant eagle fly over me. It was about the size of a small plane. Despite how long I've been here, if I hadn't seen it for myself, I wouldn't have believed it even if Gandalf told me it was true. My eyes followed the giant eagle fly over to the fire. Hearing the sound of more wings, I watched as two more eagles flew over to help attack the orcs.

I ran down the hill, leaping over rocks and holes that the wargs had created running down the hill. The fire was getting closer as I could hear it's crackling as it engulfed the wood and dries grass and pine cones.

Wargs, orcs fighting against 3 dwarves and a hobbit. I came to a stop as I saw Kili run his blade through an orc's stomach, yanking it out as the orc let out one final cry before falling to the ground dead. The eagles were flying all around knocking over trees and using their wings to spread the fire towards the orcs. Thorin was no where to be seen, but seeing a couple eagles fly away I have to assume one of them is carrying the unconscious dwarf king. I ran up to the fires just as Kili and Fili were being lifted.

"Kili! Fili!" My calls go unheard over the roar of the flames. I can only watch as the eagle drops them over the ledge. I hastily make a run towards the tree that Gandalf is standing on when a warg jumps in front of me.

My heart stops and body freezes up at the snarling white warg. I lift my gaze to find the Pale orc staring down at me with a sinister smile. I can only stare as his mouth moves. The language is foreign to me and my mind is otherwise preoccupied by the heated breath of a warg that stood just inches behind me. I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry. _Otteoke!? Otteoke!? _ (What should I do? What should I do?) Staring into the distance, I can see the eagles now too far for anyone to see me now.

Azog and whats left of his troop now stand around me. Two are on foot, while the other three on their wargs. Azog is still talking. _How long will it take for him to realize I have no idea what he's saying? I need to think of something quick. _

From the corner of my eye, I see the warg from behind move to the front of me, as the orc rider was speaking to his leader. Aside from the Orc that stood to my left, everyone stood in front of me. _Maybe._

"Thorin! Gandalf!" Faking a smile, I shouted out at the top of my lungs and waved my hands in the air. Quickly they all turned, angry and in disbelief that they would return. Taking my chance, I elbowed the orc in the nose and ran off into the forest. The angry cry Azog let out made me yelp and pick up speed. I ran down the hill making sure to run in a zig zag. I may not be faster, but I was lighter on my feet than the wargs.

The hill was a small advantage for me, as I jumped occasionally putting more space in between me and the monsters. I looked behind to find one of the orc riders catching up. Turning back ahead, I saw a dip in the hill. Not hesitating, I sped up and pushed off the edge. My stomach dropped as the dip was higher than I expected. My legs buckled as I landed causing me to roll. Thankfully the momentum just brought me back to my feet and didn't slow me down.

A yelp from the warg and a crash caused me to look back just in time to see the warg roll onto the orc. Looking up at the edge, I saw the other orc rider hesitate before forcing the warg to leap down. I let out a gasp and sped up. The trees got thicker the further down the hill I went. I could still hear the orcs behind me. I was losing my breath, but I forced myself to speed up. The rocks seemed to get bigger and there were more trees the farther we got down the hill. I needed to find a place to stop or at least a way to get them off my trail for a bit.

Taking another chance, I looked back only to not find anyone following me. Confused I tried to see where they went, however my legs kept running. I will say that turning around while running is the dumbest thing that anyone can do. For when I turned back around, I saw the hill suddenly come to an end. I tried to stop, falling to the ground in the process and rolling off the edge.

I let out a pained cry as I hit the ground. "What happened?" Letting out a moan, I opened my eyes seeing the edge of the cliff looming high above me. The howl of a warg perked me up and I turned over onto my stomach to push myself up. Standing turned out to be a mistake. The world tilted and my head spun so bad, I fell to my hands and knees in hopes that the solid ground would make the spinning stop. The dizziness was too overwhelming and I collapsed onto my side.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Oh dear. She's still alive!" It was a faint voice. Distant. Someone touched my wrist. "Can you hear me?" _Un. (Yes) _I slowly opened my eyes. My vision was fuzzy for a while as I tried to make out the brownish grey blur standing over me. "That's it. Wake up." I pulled my hand away as I move to sit up. A pain shot across my head and a gentle hand pushed me back down. "Just lay still. What is your name?" Opening my eyes wide, my vision cleared. I was surprised to find the brownish grey blur was Radagast. _That's why the voice sounded familiar. _Pushing his hand away, I slowly sit up, ignoring the pain that throbbed in my head. "You look familiar. Have we met?" Gently touching the back of my head, I felt dampness. "Yea, kind of." Looking at my hand, I found blood. I looked down at the ground. Despite it being night, the moon light allowed me to spot the dark staining of blood against the rock where I had laid. "I was with Gandalf and the dwarves." The brown wizard nodded wide eyed as he finally remembered. "That's right. Your hair was different then. Where is Gandalf now?" I slowly reached for a lock of my hair. _It's still orangish. It's gotten a little longer, but nothing too diff…Oooh. _Seeing the wavy ness, I realized that until now, my hair had been straight. There were no straight irons here to correct the waviness that came every time I let my hair air dry. The pain was dulling slowly, but enough for me to think a bit better. I shook my head "I don't know. I just know that the headed off towards the Lonely Mountain." My first attempt at standing failed, as I stumbled feeling light headed. The second time, the kind wizard quickly grabbed my arm to help me up. "We need to get you somewhere safe." The sudden change of alertness forced me to remember where I was. Looking up at the edge of the hill everything came back. The lake, the fire, the eagles, the orcs and me falling down here before passing out. "How long have I been out?" The question make the wizard pause to think for a moment. "3 days time."

"What?! How-"

"The rabbits. They saw you fall and came to get me." I looked up to find a three small rabbits sitting next to Rdagast's sled. "I don't understand." My head still throbbed. _I've been here for 3 days? That would explain why I feel so weak._ "I'll explain on the way." I looked up at the old man as he led me over to his sled. Removing the small bag in the center of the sled, he helped me down and get settled. "On the way?" My eyes widened as I shook my head and began to rise. _No._ _I have to get to the others. They need to know I'm alive. I need to find Kili. _A hand stopped me from getting up and stopped my thoughts.

"Please stay still. If Gandalf is heading in that direction, I know of one place he will chose to find shelter at. So that is where I will take you." I swallowed and gave a quick nod, aware of the pain that still lingered. I leaned over as he started searching through the bag. The contents were unknown to me for the most part. Lots of weird looking objects and dark label-less bottles. "Aha!" He pulled out a small pouch, upon opening it to check it's contents, I noticed that it contained some kind of plant leaves. "Please turn around." I lifted a brow, but he just spun his finger around, motioning me to turn my head. I hesitated for a few seconds before doing as I was told. I could hear him shuffling around through once more followed by the sound of chewing. I didn't have long to wait before I felt something cold pressing against my head wound. I let out a hiss at the initial feeling of pain. But to my surprise, the pain slowly began to dissipate. "Wintersgreen. It will help ease your pain." He grabbed my hand and brought it up to hold the rag against my head. "Hold this." I looked over as he pulled out another cloth. He unfolded it revealing it to be longer than I initially though it to be. He removed my hand and began to wrap my head. "To control the bleeding." He tied the cloth and tucked away the knot before standing up and leaning me back. Turning my head, I followed his movement as he shuffled to the back of the sled. He grabbed the reins and with one whip of them, we took off.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It was night by the time we reached the tall grassy grounds. The vast flowers were slightly closed, yet the giant bees still hovered around, collecting pollen. Flying in the moonlight, the wings glowed with a silver hue. It was really a beautiful sight. Coming up to a thorn-hedge, my heart sped up. The desire to see everyone again grew as Radagast helped me to my feet. By now I was more alert and had gained a little more strength to walk on my own. Still Radagast stuck close, holding onto my arm and back in case I became too weak. "His name is Beorn. Although he is kind to me, I am uncertain how he will take to you." I just nodded. I remembered Gandalf describing him in the book to Bilbo and the others. Thinking more about the book and what had happened in the mountains, I could help but start to that when we arrived, I would find no one. "Gandalf and everyone should be here right?" Radagast nodded. "It is the safest place in these parts."

When we finally reached the gate, two ponies came running up to us before quickly running over to the large cabin house a head of us. Our steps were slow, we had only gotten half way across the grassy yard before a giant stepped out of the cabin door. My jaw dropped as I stopped in my tracks. "Radagast!" Beorn smiled as he made his way over to us. He was huge, both in height and width. Muscular with thick arms and legs, the black haired and bearded man greeted Radagast with a pat on the shoulder. "This is a surprise. What brings you here? And who is this?"

The brown wizard pulled me forward with a smile. "She is May. She travels with the company of Gandalf and 14 dwarves." The smile faded from the giant's face. "Really? If that is so, why does she travel with you, injured at that too."

"She was chased by orcs and fell. I had found her unconscious." Beorn nodded keeping his gaze on me but said nothing. I bit my lip. I wanted desperately to know if the others had arrived. Leaning to the side, I glanced behind him, searching for any sign of the dwarves or hobbit. But as Beorn shifted, his body obstructed my view. I shifted my gaze up and straightened my body. "I heard that May has died. So if you are who he says you are, then you must be a ghost."

_What he heard? _My jaw dropped, the feeling of hope filling my body. "I- No...I fell but there was a lake below me. I tried to catch up to the others but I got lost and when I found my way back, the eagles took them. They couldn't hear me and then the orcs were saying stuff, but I didn't understand -"

"O ho, slow down." I closed my mouth as I stared up at the giant. He closed his eyes, probably trying to understand what I was saying. The fear I felt from staring up at him and the anxiousness of hoping to see the others again, made me spit out everything that happened. "Please come inside." As he walked away, I looked at Radagast who smiled. My stomach churned with each step. I didn't know how they would react or if they were even still here.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The inside was warm and surprisingly big. Walking down the hallway, I heard voices. Male voices. The closer we got, the easier I could hear them talk of Mirkwood and of their journey ahead. My heart sped up as we neared the end of the hallway to a well lit room. I don't know why I was so afraid of seeing them, but I could feel my body shake, stopping at the end of the hallway wall. Beorn didn't seem to notice as he continued into the room.

"Gandalf, why did you tell me you traveled with 14, when I have found out that your company holds 15?" Peeking around the corner, the room went silent. The wizards face fell, bringing his pipe away from his mouth. "We were a company of 15. But we had lost her in the mountains." Silence fell once again. I bit my lip and slowly walked out to the room. Quiet and slow, no one noticed my presence. I opened my mouth, but closed it. I didn't know what to say to them. A dwarf with a dark green cloak sat next to a blond dwarf with their backs turned to me. At the mention of a 15th member, I could see Kili's body become tense, his hand in a death grip around his mug. Beorn let out a sigh as he sat back down in his chair at the far end of the table.

"O then who is this young lass? She says she travels with you." Everyone's heads perked up and as Beorn pointed to me, the glances followed.

"May!" A chorus of gasps escaped their mouths as they stared upon me. Their mouths gaping and eyes wide. "You're alive." Kili stood up, turning to face me. His eyes wide with disbelief.

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**So I'm going to switch to the book now. So again, from here on out, there will be spoilers. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Would love to hear your reviews. ^^ **


	16. Someone to lean on

Chapter 16

Kili said nothing as he stared at me in disbelief. The desire to run up to him and beg for forgiveness ran through my body, but the uncertainty of his answer kept my feet glued to the ground. The silence was broken as Fili rushed over to me. Throwing his arms around me, hugged me tight lifting me in the process. Wrapping my arms around him, I return the tight embrace. Pulling away, his face paled at the bandage around my head. "What happened? How did you-" His fingers had just grazed my bandaged wound."I fell." With a small wince I pushed his hand away. "But I'm fine now." Grasping the back of my neck, I could feel the tension run from his body into his fingers. "If you ever do anything as foolish as that again…" Nothing more needed to be said as the fear in his tear eyes spoke volumes to me. I wanted so badly to hide my fear from him, but instead I could only give a curt nod as I lowered my gaze hoping he wouldn't see the tears that began to form. He said nothing more and instead, he pulled me into a tight embrace once more. Looking over his shoulder, I scan the group of dwarves only to notice one missing. Kili was no where to be seen and I could no longer keep my composure. Fili set me back down, he smile faded away as he wiped the tears that ran down my cheeks.

"He just left." He stared at me, confused, before he followed my gaze. Seeing his brother missing, he let out a sigh. Turning his attention back to me, he put a hand on my shoulder. He opened his mouth to speak, but the sound of footsteps behind him kept him from speaking.

Simultaneously turning our heads, we found Bofur standing before us. The older dwarf stepped forward. With his nose red and eyes puffy from crying, he greeted me with a nod. Still staring at me in disbelief, he cautiously walked closer to me. Slowly I pulled away from Fili to face the older dwarf.

"Is it really you?" A laugh escaped through silent sobs at the question. As I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand, I nodded. In a matter of seconds the dwarf threw his arms around me, holding me tight as he pressed his cheek against my head.

The sound of laughter, of stools being pushed back and foot steps filled the room as the dwarves joined in the embrace. I couldn't help but laugh even though I was being squished in between the large bodies. I craned my neck over around the dwarves, hoping to find Kili back in the room. But I could catch no glimpse of the dark haired dwarf. At a time when I should feel joy and happiness, I felt fear and anxiety. Breathing became difficult as so many thoughts about the young brown haired dwarf ran through my mind. _He hasn't come back. He's still mad. I need to find him. I need to be with him…What if it's too late? _The thought made my stomach drop and heart hands patted my head and shoulders bringing me back out of my thoughts.

I was being moved from one dwarf to the next, each hugging me with bright smiles. Eyes shining from unshed tears. Even Dwalin shed some tears as he leaned his forehead against my own. It didn't take long before I came face to face with Bilbo Baggins who had stayed behind everyone. His lips formed a strained smile as he nodded to me. He opened his mouth a few times, but said nothing. Seeing his lower lip tremble a bit and his eyes begin to shine with new tears, my throat tightened. As he quickly wiped his eyes, I smiled the best I could before giving him a hug as well. "I'm sorry." A choke laugh escaped at Bilbo's apology. "I'm very glad to see you."

"My dear May. I have never been so happy to see anyone in my life." The old wizard towered over us with a smile. I chuckled to myself as I remembered he said the same thing to Bilbo in the movie. I barely had any time to respond before Bofur, Dwalin and Dori led me over to the table. The giant of a man sat with a smile at one end of the table, with Thorin standing looking somewhat dumbfounded next to him. "How did you survive?" Bofur brought a small wooden stool over for me, gently pushing me down to have a seat. I tried to speak as the others gathered at the table, taking their seats. But the words seemed to die before they could pass my lips as I looked across the table at the blue eyed brother, for the seat beside him was unoccupied.

"We thought you were dead lass."

"Aye. We all saw Kili dive for you. But when he sat up…" At Dwalin's words, my body went rigid.

_"What are you saying!?" Tears dripped from Kili's wide eyes, his fingers were wrapped tightly around my hand. The crack in the wood was slowly giving way. "Just know that no matter what happens." "No no no! You can't do this! May please just hold on!" The wood creaked louder. There was no time left. "I love you Kili." Kili's cry was the only thing I could hear as I fell. _

"Miss May?" Dori's voice reminded me I was being watched. Looking around, I realized that all were silent as they waited for my response. "I uh…I…" Smiles faded to frowns and eyes filled with worry.

"I fell and I…"

"When did you hit your head?" Ori's voice though timid and quiet pierced the silence in the room. It raised many more questions amongst the dwarves. So many questions being asked all at once, and my head was spinning. My chest constricted as panic began to set in with the attention. _I need get air. Need to find Kili. Need Kili. _

"I'm sorry. I just…Excuse me." With a quick bow, I rushed out of the room.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The cool night air hit my lungs as I took a deep breath. Each breath seemed to help ease me a bit more. The grassy yard was vast and well lit by the bright moon above. Though beautiful with the varying flowers and animals, Kili was no where to be seen. Slowly I made my way over to the front of the house. Turning the corner, my heart skipped a beat. Sitting on the stone steps was the dark figure of Kili.

I bit my lip hesitating a bit before I slowly walked over to him. Each step seemed more difficult to make and caused my heart to beat harder.

"You're alive." I don't know what hurt more. That he didn't turn around or that his words were said out of disappointment.

"There was a lake."

"Why did you come back?" _Why did I come back? _

"What?"

"Why did you come back?" He stood and turned to me. My body froze as his eyes were void of any emotion.

"I-i…came back to help…for you." _Did he prefer that I have died? _

"You should get your head looked at." No smile, no nothing. I felt my blood run cold as I watched him turn and make his way up the tall steps.

"That's it?" He paused, his shoulders grew tense. "You find out I'm not dead and you act like you don't care." My voice grew shaky and tears slipped down my cheeks. Kili whipped around. Eyes filled with anger, he stormed over to me.

"You have no right!" Staggering back, my eyes widened. _What? _"I was willing to fight for you. But you…you had give me up long ago!" As he whipped around, my hands shot out grabbing onto his arm to stop him.

There was no time to think or brace myself as he threw me to the ground, kneeling over me. He face just inches away from my own, all I could do was stare horror struck at the hatred and pain in his eyes. He didn't wait for me to say something. Yanking my hands off of him, he stood and walked into the house leaving me on the ground. Tears ran down as I stared into the starry night sky. "I'm sorry." My body shook with sobs. _Please come back. Please please! _"P-please don't leave me!" My hand stifled the sounds of my sobs as I covered my mouth and closed my eyes. But even with closed eyes, all I could see was the hurt that I had caused Kili. Even though he knew how I felt, it was too late. The damage was done. _He no longer loves me, I had gotten what I wanted. _

Hearing footsteps in the grass, I sat up hoping to turn and find Kili. However through blurry eyes, I found myself looking up at his brother. "May what's wrong?" I quickly wiped away my tears as I rushed up the stairs. I didn't get very far into the cabin before Fili stopped me. "May…" My body shook harder as my hyperventilation and sobs got worse. "He d-does..n't c-c-care a-a-anym-mo-ore."

"Come here." He pulled me into his arms, holding me tight against his chest.

"P-p-ple-ease d-d-don't ha-ate me. I-i -'m s-sor-ry."

"Why would I hate you?" Pulling back he lifted my chin so our eyes would meet.

"B-be-cause I h-h-hurt h-him so b-bad."

Fili's brows furrowed as he let out a sigh, pulling me back into a tight embrace. "Shh. It's alright."

"What's going on here?" Hearing Thorin's voice, I let out a quiet sob. "What has happened?" I clutched Fili's cloak and hid my face as Thorin's heavy footsteps approached us.

"Lass?" Bofur's voice drew out a sob. Burring my face into Fili's chest even more, my heart pounded in my chest as I worried our leader would figure out I am the reason his nephew was no where to be seen.

"Everything's fine." My breath caught in my throat and slowly I looked up at the blonde dwarf. With a small reassuring smile, he explained to the others that I had become overwhelmed by my emotions. I laid my head against his chest. My breathing had evened out leaving only silent tears to collect against his shirt. Even though my heart was still in pain, I was happy that Fili wasn't upset.

Footsteps moved closer and soon a hand stroked my head. Coming out of hiding, I was surprised to find Thorin was the owner of the hand. No anger, no sign that he disliked me could be seen anywhere on his face. Instead he patted my head once more and with a small smile, turned to our host.

"Would you happen to have a room for her?"

"I do. Follow me."

"Come on." Fili gently released my hands from his cloak and led me in the direction Beorn had gone. I kept my eyes low as I tried to steady my breathing. As we walked down the hall, Fili kept close to me never letting his hand drop from my back. The bear man led us to the last door on the left.

"I'm sure that your friends would tell you this, but on these grounds, you are safe from harm. But you must not go outside when I am not here. Understood?" With a shaky breath, I bit my lip and nodded. The tall bearded man gave a curt nod and walked back to the others leaving me and Fili alone.

Waiting for him to disappear around the corner, I slowly walked into the room with the blonde dwarf following suit. The room was big with a high ceiling. With the dark polished wooden dresser and matching bed frame, it was a beautiful room. The door slamming shut caught me by surprise. Spinning around, I expected to find Fili upset and that how he acted was just that. An act for the others. But instead, the dwarf was wincing and gave a bashful smile. "Sorry."

What started as a small laugh soon turned into sobs. I hadn't felt so much pain, since I found out my brother had died and all I wanted was to forget. To become numb to the pain. Closing the gap between us, he put an arm around my back and quickly swept my legs up with the other. Feeling myself fall, I let out a squeal and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Don't worry. I won't let you fall." Hearing his soft laughter, i opened one eye to find him once again carrying me in his arms. Thoughts of being dropped only made me cling onto him tighter as he carried me over to the bed. Gently he placed me on the mattress, before pulling my arms from around his neck. I flinched as he brought one hand to my head but relaxed a bit as he avoided my wound. Stroking my hair, he frowned.

"We need to clean your wound." The words stung, despite coming from someone else. But he wouldn't notice my reaction as he quickly got up and left the room.

Rolling over onto my side, the tears flowed more freely as I cried out my pain and regret into the soft pillow. _How did I let things get this bad? _

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I awoke to a stinging pain on my head. I didn't open my eyes, instead I tried to push the thing that was pressing against my wound. Only when I felt two hands pushing my own away, did my eyes flutter open.

"What are you doing?" My voice was raspy and raw from crying.

"Stay still." I dropped my hands on my stomach as Fili quickly finished whatever it was he was doing. "There."

I slowly sat up. The bandage that Radagast had used was laying on the bed in front of Fili. The brownish red of old blood covered part of the cloth. A bowl filled with red water and a cloth lay in his lap. Raising my hand, I touched the new dressing, it was neatly tied so it would lay mostly flat against my head. "He did a good job. The wizard. Mostly dried blood, but should heal nicely."

Letting my hands fall into my lap, I nodded. Although my head felt better, it did nothing for the pain in my heart. Fili seemed aware of this as well as the dwarf gently had me lay back down. Covering me with the blanket, he gently stroked my hair. "He didn't mean what he said. He'll come around. Get some sleep." Turning my head to face the window, Fili continued to stroke my hair lulling me off to sleep.

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_Bodies were everywhere. The black blood of the orcs slowly mixed with red as it pooled at my feet. I try to avoid stepping on the bodies but two orcs tackle an elf soldier just to the right of me. Diving out of the way, an elf corpse cushions my fall. People are fighting everywhere I look as dark clouds loom over us hiding any light from the sun. I try to find Thorin, Bofur, Fili, anyone that I knew, but a sharp cry of an orc coming towards me has me jumping to my feet. Racing towards me with a spear, I shift my body, pushing the spear aside by the staff as I knee the creature in the gut. As the orc falls, I quickly shift my stand, throwing my elbow into his nose. I can feel more than hear the crack of it breaking against my blow before the orc falls backwards. It's laying still, but still breathing. An internal battle starts up inside my mind as I shift my gaze from the spear to the orc. _

_"Khazâd!" I would know that cry anywhere. 'Thorin'. Scanning the many moving bodies, I find the pale orc atop a small hill. Expecting to find Thorin on the offense, my eyes widen when I see a dark green cloak raising forward. His sword raised to his head, the spear pointed directly at the enemy. Fearing for his life, I race over to help him. The fight goes on, Kili dodges the pale orc's attacks managing to get in a few blows in doing so. I try to speed up, but it seems that no matter how fast I run I stay at the same distance. Blood rushes to my ears and all falls silent, as I watch the orc swiftly dodge Kili's attack before thrusting his sword into him. "NO! KILI!" _

_My heart races as I run to his side. Distance closes quickly between us. I slide to the ground, quickly pulling him in my arms. Frantically I cover the stab wound and apply pressure hoping that it will stop the bleeding. "Kili. I'm so sorry. This should be me. I'm sorry." Tears fall freely as I look him over. The blood seeps between my fingers unyielding and turning my hand red. Brown boots are suddenly in my view._

_"This is your fault." My eyes shoot up to meet Fili. His eyes narrow as a snarl forms on his lips. "You killed him." I cry even more as I clutch Kili's now lifeless body to my chest. _

_"I'm sorry. I tried but I -" _

_"You promised!" The blonde dwarf quickly pulls me to my feet, letting Kili's body fall to the ground. Grabbing hold of the front of my shirt, he throws me back. Unable to get my balance back, I fall into a puddle of blood. _

_"I know! Fili I'm sorry!" _

_"You're nothing more than a failure." Fili slowly moves towards me. Shifting back, my attempt at moving away are stopped my a pair of legs. Looking up Thorin towers over me. WIth one swift motion, he pulls me up. "Thorin. Please forgive me." Slowly the others surround me. Each held the same hatred in their eyes when looking upon an orc._

_"You broke your promise." Spinning around, Fili stands a just two feet away, sword drawn. My eyes widen and body begins to shake. "Fili?"_

_"You failed me." Panic set in and suddenly the world around me was spinning. "You failed Kili." I couldn't breathe, I felt faint. The world spun faster, blending the faces together, blurring my vision. _

_I fall to my knees. The feeling of solid ground causes the dizziness to stop and everything falls silent. "May?" My head shoots up. My eyes widen as I stare into the face that I knew all too well. "Michael?" I hastily get up and throw my arms around my brother's neck. "I can't believe it's you." I cry into the crook of his neck as I recall the countless time I had wished he would come back. Michael pulls me away and slowly moves back to stand next to Fili. His eyes black as night, face emotionless. "Michael?"_

_"This is on you, May." _

_"N-no. I tried." Pleading for him to understand, I shook my head insistently. Watching in horror as Fili held up a revolver gun to my brother's head, his sword no where to be seen._

_"You failed them just like you failed me." The sound of the gun shot echoed through the land. _

_"NO!" The side of my brother's head gone as his body joins Kili's on the ground._

"MICHAEL! NO!" I quickly sit up. Hands grab my arms. Seeing Fili I instantly I struggle against his grip. I panic as I can't get away.

"No please! No! I'm sorry!"

"May."

"I'm so sorry! I tried. But I couldn't, and now-"

"May!" Pulling me into his arms, he holds me against his chest, gently rocking back and forth.

"Shh. It's alright." His fingers were gentle as they pushed way the strands of hair that clung to my sweaty face. "It was just a dream."

"I tried. I really tried to save him, but I couldn't. Please don't kill me."

"It's alright. You're safe now." He pulled away, and helped me lay back down. He was the same as before, different from what I had just seen. No hate, no anger. His face was soft and although he wore a reassuring smile, it couldn't hide the concern in his eyes as he wiped the tears from my cheeks. "No one will lay hand on you. I promise." The words were comforting to me and whether he would keep that promise or not, I let out a shaky breath and nodded slowly as I closed my eyes once more. His thumb brushed my cheek once more before the bed shifted as he got up.

"Wait!" Fear of dreaming the same dream again, and fear of being alone, my eyes shot open to find the blonde turning back towards me. Asking for help was always difficult for me. It felt too much like an imposition. Chewing on my lower lip, the dwarf didn't move.

"Don't go." Barely above a whisper, I wasn't even sure if he understood what I said. But after a brief pause, he slowly walked back to the bed. As he stripped off his cloak and boots, I hesitantly scooted over. Pulling down the covers, my body began to shake again. A mixture of cold and nerves. Laying down on his back, the dwarf's eyes closed as he easily drifted off to sleep. I winced a small smile before rolling onto my side facing away from the dwarf. Staring out the window, I let me eyes slowly close. Images of my brother laying dead flashed behind my eye lids. With a gasp, my eyes shot open. Sleep would be impossible now, whether Fili had stayed or not. I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. Dark shadows loomed in the corner and although I wasn't usually afraid of the dark, I feared it now. Fear that in the dark, all I will see is my brother, be reminded that I might not be able to protect Kili as I promised his brother.

"Come here." Looking over, Fili lay in the same position as before, eyes still closed. I would have believed that I imagined his voice had he not lifted his arm above my head. Very slowly I inched closer to his side. The dwarf left out an audible sigh as he pulled me in, having my head rest against his chest, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. Still keeping his eyes closed, he blindly sought out my left hand. Only when his fingers brush my own did he grab hold and pull, draping my arm over his stomach.

Tempted to move away, I froze as gentle fingers bushed up and down my arm. The action was strangely soothing as it melted away all the tension I hah and it wasn't long before I fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

**Uh oh. What will happen next? This was an unexpected plot twist that came as I was writing out this chapter. Hope you all liked it. **


	17. Leaving Beorn's Carrock

Chapter 17

I couldn't remember the last time I had slept so deep. Slowly opening my eyes to the bright light of the morning sun leaking through the window, I found that at some time during the night I had rolled onto my stomach.

My heart still ached with pain as last nights events flooded my memory. I shivered as I recalled my nightmare. Kili dying and Fili's angry glare. Throwing myself onto my back I clutched my head, hoping to force the horrible images out of my mind. Forgetting my head wound, I let out a hiss of pain.

"Mornin- What's wrong?"

"My head."

Eyes closed tight, I heard Fili move across the room and felt the bed dip as he kneeled next to me before carefully pulling my hands away. I quickly ducked sensing his hand brush the side of my face but at the feeling of Fili's gentle touch against my temple, I felt my body relax slowly opening my eyes.

"You're bleeding again." WIth a quick look over, his eyes met mine. "What happened?"

Sitting up, I ducked my head in embarrassment. "I forgot." The dwarf smirked as he patted my cheek.

"Does it still hurt?" I hesitated for a moment. Still feeling a dull pain, I pinched the bundle of nerves just in between my thumb and index finger. Looking up at Fili, I chuckled and smiled bashfully as he raised a brow in confusion.

"It's something I learned at home. When I start to have a headache, I press the nerves here and it helps take away the pain." Fili chuckled as he rose from the bed. "I see. Did it help now?"

Extending a hand, I gladly took it as he helped me rise as well. "Yeah." The blond dwarf raised a brow as he eyed me. "What?" It was obvious he didn't believe me. _Since when could he read when I was lying? _Letting out a sigh, I shook my head.

Fili chuckled again, draping his arm around my shoulders. "Come, you should eat before Bomber finishes everything."

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"O ho. Good morning little rabbit. Come. Join us!" Everyone was sitting and eating. Beorn's smile was wide and his mood bright. _Must have been telling them he found our journey to be true. Not sure how I feel about being called 'little rabbit' though._

Bofur and Dori quickly scooted everyone down to make room for me as Fili led me to the table. Casting a quick glance at Kili, the young dwarf kept his eyes on his plate. Sitting down, I forced a smile at the others trying to ignore the tightening in my chest.

"How are you feeling, lass?"

"Better. Thanks." A quick smile is given to the kind dwarf before my eyes quickly shift to the blond dwarf as I watch him move around the table to sit next to his brother. Aware of the dwarves watching me, I shifted my gaze, smiling to each with reassurance that I was fine. It seemed enough for them as Beorn continued with his tales of last night and they continued filling up on bread and honey. Keeping my head low, I watched as Fili joined his brother. WIth a pat on the back, Kili looks up and smiles at Fili. The fall into conversation easily and though i can't hear what is being said, Kili smiles at Fili. It wasn't forced nor held any deceit, and while seeing the Kili I once knew again, knowing he would never look at me that way again made me die a little more inside. _Why did it have to be like this? Why did I have to be so afraid? _

"This is what I will promise you. I will provide ponies for each of you, and a horse for you Gandalf. I will provide food as well. Nuts, flour, dried fruits, pots of honey and twice-baked cakes that should last a good long while on your journey." The promise of food immediately caught the attention of the dwarves as they stopped their conversations to listen to our host. "Water will be difficult to carry, however there are streams along the road you can drink from. But, your way through Mirkwood is dark, dangerous and difficult. Water is not easy to find there, nor food. There is one stream there, I know, black and strong which crosses the path. That you should never drink of, nor bathe in; for I have heard that it carries enchantment and a great drowsiness and forgetfulness."

_Oh yeah, I forgot about that. _Glancing over at Bomber, I bit my lip trying my best to hide my laughter as I thought of him falling into the stream. I felt so bad for the poor dwarves as they carried him but it was one of my favorite parts of the book. As I returned my attention to Beorn, my gaze caught Fili's. The blonde dwarf smirked and gave a quick raise of his brow. Shaking my head, I smiled, With a slight nod, the dwarf seemed to understand I would tell him about my amusement later.

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After breakfast, we spent the rest of the morning getting situated. Packing the food and supplies we would need. Beorn was kind enough to supply some bows and arrows, one for Kili, Bofur, and Ori. By the time we finished, it was midday. Beorn mostly talked amongst Thorin and Gandalf about the path threw the dark woods while the others talked amongst themselves. It was obvious that everyone was eager to head out, but at the same time there was an underlying fear of what lie ahead of them. If only they knew what I knew. Letting my mind think back to what I remember reading, I frowned because even with my knowledge, I wouldn't be able to help much. For just like Gandalf will tell Biblo later, no path is safe in this world.

Once filled on food, we all headed outside. Beorn gathered up the ponies he would lend us and with the help of Bofur, Bifur and Gloin were given riding gear. The pony I was to ride was a light grey with black hair and spots going along its backside. Had it not been for the size, I would have assumed it was an appaloosa. Slowly I approached the pony carrying the large saddle and reigns, trying my best to push away my nerves. While I loved horses and enjoyed riding, it had been over 13 years since I had put a saddle on one. Setting the saddle down, I walked in front of the pony, holding the reigns in one hand, I slowly brought up the other stroking it's soft head.

Trying to recall how properly put everything on, I noticed Kili approach the pony that stood next to me. Glancing over, his eyes met mine. For a brief moment he stared before tearing his glance away. HIs body going rigid as he quickly put on the riding equipment. My stomach clenched as I watched him. Several times I tried to speak up, to ask if he could help me only to find myself unable to speak. Fear of upsetting him even more than he was already, paralyzed me and moments later Kili walked away without a second glance leaving me with both ponies.

It was only when he was out of sight, that I was able to move. With a deep breath, I tried desperately to compose myself. Dropping the reigns, I picked up the saddle and walked over to the side of the pony, swinging the seat over its back. _Something's not right...The position looks right but still..._"The blanket..." I let out a groan and quickly removed the saddle and set it on the ground. Straightening up, I found Fili walking over with a blanket folded over his arm. A smirk played at his lips causing me to smile as I brushed my hair back. "Thought you would need this."

"Thanks. I forgot about that." Taking the blanket from him, I turned back to the pony and threw the blanket over its back maneuvering it so that it lay even on both sides of the animal. Sensing the dwarf still behind me, I chewed on my lip. Logic told me that I should ask for help, however habit and pride held my tongue.

"Here." If his speaking up startled me, his body pressed against my back caused my heart to stop and my stomach to flutter as he reached around to guide my hands in the correct placement of the blanket. "Like this." I could only nod before he moved to pick up the saddle. "Put this on."

He placed the saddle in my arms, before taking his place behind me again. Setting the saddle over the blanket, No longer reaching around me put my nerves at ease as he instructed me on what to do, step by step.

With a quick adjustment to the tightness of the saddle strap, we moved on to putting on the reigns.

"You just have to get the horse to accept the bit."

"I can't." Shaking my head, I tried handing him the reigns as I stepped back.

"Yes you can."

Placing a hand on my back, the blonde dwarf pushed me towards the horse. "Yada! Jinjja musseowo!"

The moment the words came out, Fili released the tension in his hand. "What?"

Shame filled me, as I looked down. "I'm scared."

Fili said nothing, nor did he walk away. Heat spread through my body as I regretted the words that came out. I expected him to leave, or to laugh. Instead, he took the reigns from my hand and wrapped his arms around me. I was shell shocked. As he pulled away, I found myself unsure how to respond. So I just stared. He chuckled patting my cheek, before putting the reigns on.

"Come on. Let's go get the bags." _What the hell just happened? _As I tried to understand the reasons behind his kindness towards me, I hadn't realized he had already headed off back to the cabin. Putting the thoughts aside, I quickly ran after the dwarf who merely laughed at my delayed reaction.

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We rode as fast as we could. Galloping when the land was grassy and flat, heading in the direction of the Great River where a line of trees outlined it's border. For hours we ran in silence. Happy to be able to ride on my own, Bofur appointed himself as a father like figure as he constantly checked in to make sure I was still okay to ride. Even Thorin would cast a glance back at me every now and then. While it did get tiresome having to repeat and reassure them I was fine. A part of me enjoyed their concern and attention. It was something family did and somewhere along this journey this company had become just that to me.

It wasn't until they felt that we were far enough away from the goblins that the company began to sing and talk amongst each other. No longer on high alert, I let myself relax. Listening to the random laughter, I found myself taking in the landscape. The dark cloudy mountains contrasted the clear sky above us, high lighting the yellow in the grassy valley. The view was strangely beautiful and calming, and soon found my spirits lifting.

"Bomber said you had a beautiful voice." The comment caught me off guard. Whipping my head back, I found Fili smiling as he kicked his pony to catch up to me.

"Huh?"

"Back after we left Rivendell, he said you sang beautifully. A song from your home." _Ok that was random..._Staring at the dwarf quizzically he laughed. "You were humming just now. Did you not realize this?"

After a moment or two of thinking it over I realized that I had been humming the song I was listening to in my head. Embarrassed at my actions, I felt a blush slowly spread through my face as I let out a nervous laugh. "Oh. I uh, guess was."

"What were you singing?"

"I uh...It's just a song I heard when I was little."

"Could you sing it for me?" His question surprised me. Even more surprising was the sincerity in his eyes as he asked. Turing to the rest of the group, none paid any attention to us as they talked and laughed. Looking back at Fili, I chewed on my lower lip, before letting out a sigh and a nod. I had never seen the dwarf smile so big since leaving the Shire. Biting my lip, I took a deep breath and softly started to sing.

"If you feel like singing, sing,  
Tra-la-la your cares away,  
There's something about giving out with a song,,  
Makes you belong,  
Helps you to find a peace of mindful day."  
"If you feel like humming, hum,  
Fiddle-dee dee da dee dum,  
Supposin' you do-re-mi slightly off key,  
Ev'ryone can't be a "Bing,"

A smile spread on my face and sing grew more confident. No longer caring that the others have stopped talking or that they all turned their heads as I sang.

Tell your friends to go places  
If they start making faces  
If you feel like singing, sing.  
If you feel like singing, sing,  
Tra-la-la your cares away,  
There's something about giving out with a song,,  
Makes you belong,  
Helps you to find a peace of mindful day.  
If you feel like humming, hum,  
Fiddle-dee dee da dee dum,  
Just look in the mirror and do a duet,  
And raise your voices aloft.  
Don't move out of your dwelling  
If your neighbors start yelling,  
If you can't sing good, sing soft.  
La-dee-da, la-dee-da,  
When your luck is in need of repair,  
La-dee-da, don't you care?  
Where you are or what time it is  
Whose tune or whose rhyme it is,  
It mustn't necessarily be any anniversary  
Or be an extra-special event,  
If you feel like singing, sing,  
Tra-la-la, fiddle-dee, la-dee-da  
Sing to your heart's content.

La-da-dee, da-da-da.

If you feel like singing sing."

As the last note ended, Bofur began to clap. Bomber, Ori and Dori soon joined in, while the others in laughing their approval. I couldn't help but smile to myself as I felt my confidence rise a bit. Whether it was the company that helped me open up or that Fili's confidence that gave me confidence, I didn't know.

"Bomber was right. You have a beautiful voice." Nor did it matter. All that mattered was that since finding the dwarves at Beorn's, I didn't feel empty inside.


	18. Confessions and Revelations

Chapter 18

As the sun set, Thorin let the group to a safe place to stop. As we set up camp our cheery composition slowly shifted. Night would soon be on us and there was no telling if we would be bombarded by goblins who wished revenge for their leader.

Bomber was the first to fall asleep around the fire, soon followed by Nori, Oin, Gloin, Dwalin, Dori, Ori, Bofur and Bifer. Thorin and Balin kept first watch, while Gandalf smoked his pipe in the company of our burglar. Fili and Kili sat next to the fire. FIli smoking his pipe, while Kili leaned back on his hands occasionally looking up at the sky. It reminded me so much of the first night after leaving the Shire. _I was on shaky grounds with those two back then. Funny how it seems I've come in a full circle now. _

A sad smile pulled at my lips at the thought. Very slowly I rose from my bedroll. Careful not to disturb Bofur or call attention to myself. I slowly walked over to the ponies. I gently patted the appaloosa looking pony's head before wrapping my arms around neck. Leaning my head against her, I looked out into the forest. The movement of a large dark shadowy figure startled me for a moment. Keeping my eyes fixed on it, I could make out what looked like the shape of a large bear. Straightening up from the pony, I gave a tiny nod. If it weren't so dark, I would swear the figure nodded back but I shouldn't be so optimistic.

Returning the my bedroll, Bilbo had fallen asleep leaving Gandalf to his thoughts. Many of the dwarves moved about in their sleep. Frowns formed and brows furrowed as they most likely dreamt of orc and goblin attacks, much like I had the other night. I couldn't help but worry if the dream would come again and if it did would I be forced to watch my brother die before my eyes again. Laying on my side, my eyes landed on the young brunette dwarf who sat holding his legs up to his chest as he gazed into the fire. Watching the flames dance about the wood pile.

My chest tightened and the numbing feeling returned as I reminisced Rolling onto my back, I stared up at the night sky and closed my eyes.

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The sky was still dark when I opened my eyes. Letting out a quiet sigh, I rolled onto my back. It seemed that my body didn't see a need for sleep and after waking up so often, I decided it was pointless to even try. A chorus of snores and grumbling surrounded me as the others slept.

Slowly sitting up, I let out a yawn and scratched my head. The fire was still burning bright highlighted Kili's face as he slept. His brows were furrowed and face tense as he dreamt. Pushing away the desire to go over there and sooth him, scanned the sleeping group.

_Kili, Fili, Bilbo, Gandalf, Bomber, Nori, Oin, Thorin, Balin, Bofur...Who's not here? _ The dirt shifted as footsteps approached the camp. Quickly I laid back, staying perfectly still, I kept my eyes in the direction of whoever or whatever approached. It wasn't until I saw the bald tattooed head of Dwalin that I relaxed and sat up again.

"What are you doing up?"

"I uh..." _Don't want to sleep? Can't sleep because if I do I'll just watch my brother die over and over again? _"What time is it?"

"There's still an hour til dawn."

Brushing my hair back, I nodded. "You should try to sleep while you can lass. We won't be making any stops until dusk."

"I'm already awake. Isn't there a stream near by?"

"Aye. About 30 yards past the trees." As I stood up, the intimidating dwarf eyed me. "Why?" Turning my attention to the trees, I bit my lip.

"Do you think it'll be safe going that far?" Turning back to the dwarf, he lifted a brow. "I just want to go wash up a bit. Clean out the blood from my hair." Pointing at my wound, the dwarf nodded with a chuckle as he turned around. He picked up his dagger before walking over to me.

"Come on." Walking past me, my mouth fell.

"What?!"

"Let's go."

"What? Wait, you're coming too?"

"Yes." I rolled my eyesat his matter-of-fact tone.

"What about the others?"

"They'll be fine. We'll be back before long."

I let out a groan. While I appreciated him wanting to keep guard for me, I really just wanted to be alone for a few minutes and the idea of him being around when I'm naked made me cringe.

"Dwalin. Wait." The dwarf stopped in his tracks. As he turned his head back, I slowly walked up to him as I tried to figure out the best way to convince him to stay. "Look, you can stay here and just keep an eye on the camp. I'll be fine. If I see any goblins or orcs, I'll scream. Besides you've seen my fight. I can defend myself."

It was a weak argument at best. The dwarf took a moment to ponder before holding out his dagger.

"Here. Take this." Taking his dagger, I couldn't help but stare in awe at the tall dwarf. "Don't take long." I smiled and nodded before walking past him.

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Alhough the stream was beautiful and seemed like something out of a fairy tale as it shimmered in the moonlight, it was much larger than I initially thought. Taking a step to the bank, I strained my neck trying. By the dark shadows in the middle, I would guess it was about 5 feet deep. Thankfully the water flowed smooth so I wouldn't have to worry too much about currents in the shallow water. Scanning the trees, I carefully searched for any figures in the shadows of the trees. Satisfied I was truly alone, I undressed next to the stream bank, folding my clothes on the rocky edge and placing dagger between my pants and top. Paranoid, I glanced around once more as I removed my underwear and bra.

I stayed in my crouched position as I slowly moved to the water. The second my toe touched the water, goose bumps covered my body and instinctively I pulled my foot back. _Oh my god! It's freezing! _

I let out a groan and began to wonder if this was a bad idea after all. "No! I feel gross I need to do this. Come on May. Just get it over with."

With a deep breath, I inched my way into the water. The pain of the cold wrapped up my legs. Not wanting to cause much noise, I bit down on my clenched hand. Taking a blind step forward, I was unaware of the drastic dip of the stream and soon plunged into the water. The bottom of the stream was cluttered with slick rocks that slid against each other as my feet made contact. About to push back to the surface, I felt my foot slid in between a boulder and the slick rocks. Trying to remain calm was difficult as the cold pricked my body but forcing myself to focus, I tried to pull my foot free. Each pull seemed to make things worse and I could feel my lungs ache for air. Panic set in. The surface about two feet above me, my body grew numb with each thrash of my body in the water.

Letting out the last breath of air I had, a dark figure jumped into the water. My mind raced with panic as I felt the pressure of a hand grab my foot as it pulled me free. Not waiting to see who or what saved me, I kicked to the surface gasping for air. Hearing a gasp for air that came from behind me, I quickly spun around. My mind went blank and mouth dropped as he pulled wrapped an arm around my waist before swimming to the bank.

Walking up the rocky edge, he held on to me as I struggled to stay on my feet. Reaching his cloak, he had me sit down before wrapping it over my shivering body.

"W-what...y-you..."

"Are you alright?"

I could only nod as I stared into Kili's eyes. So many thoughts and questions raced through my mind. But he didn't give me time to think about that as he cupped my face and pressed his lips against mine. My eyes widened as we stayed like that for a bit. Slowly he pulled back, just enough for our lips to barely touch before pressing them together. Closing my eyes, he cupped my face pulling me close as he parted his lips to deepen the kiss.

Feeling his lips move against mine, his tongue running against my lips. Feelings of lust, love, passion, the feelings I experienced when we first kissed. I should have felt those as he kissed me. But I didn't. _Something's wrong. What's wrong with me? _My guilt-ridden thoughts were interrupted as Kili pulled away with a frown.

"Kili? What's wrong?"

The young dwarf shook his head. "Kili?"

I was shocked to see tears form in the corner of his eyes. "What is it?" I didn't think about how he would react as I threw my arms around him. Feeling Kili buried his face in the crook of my neck, I gave a small squeeze extracting a sob from him as he wrapped an arm around my waist.

"Forgive me."

I felt a lump rise in my throat as I nodded. "I was angry and hurt. But then I lost you and you came back. And then I heard you scream in your sleep..."

I was at a lost for words. Feeling tears fall down my own cheeks, I stroked he hair and pressed check against the top of his head.

"I almost lost you again."

"But you didn't. You saved me."

"Only because I was the first to wake up!" Kili pulled out of my arms and swiftly stood as he ran his hands through his hair out of frustration. "I just - I still love you. I never stopped." I jumped to my feet and quickly pulled Kili's hands away from his face.

"Kili look at me. Please? Please look at me." Reluctantly the dwarf met my eyes. Stroking his cheek with my thumb, I swallowed around the lump in my throat.

"Do you still love me?" I nodded as Kili leaned his head against mine. "Then why doesn't it feel the same?"

"I don't know."

Stepping closer, Kili wrapped his arms around me and I him. Neither of us seemed to figure out how to understand the change but it was clear that there was no way of going back to how we were before.

"The others are probably waking now." Pulling away, Kili kept hold of my hand and with a gentle pull, began leading me back. At the feel of the cold air as his cloak opened slightly, I was reminded that I was naked beneath.

"Um...Kili, wait." Stopping the dwarf, I pulled my hand away. "I kind of need my clothes."

"Oh...right." I chuckled and walked back to my clothes. It was the first time I had seen the dwarf blush.

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Sun was barely rising as we started walking back. Kili wore his cloak over his wet clothes. However he didn't seem to mind the cool air anymore, where as I couldn't hold back the shivers as the wind blew through my damp hair.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. What were you doing anyway?"

"I wanted to wash off and clean the blood out of my hair."

"Does it feel better?" Reaching up, I lightly felt the wound. The slightest touch cause a sharp pain.

"It still stings." Carefully, I ignored the pain as I examined the wound further. My first assumptions of it was that it was more of a scratch. But the pain extended to the length of my hand and in the center I could feel the dip of a gash. Most likely from one of the rocks I fell on.

"Stop. You'll start bleeding again." Forming a pout, I pulled my hand away. Kili laughed.

"So are you still mad at me?" The laughter died and my stomach churned. _Shit too soon. _

"I still hurt. But I'm not mad."

I nodded. The camp came into view as we reached the edge of the forest. Everyone was awake and packing up. "May?" Stopping, I turned around to Kili. "Can you forgive me for being a fool?"

A smile tugged on my lips as I walked up to the dwarf and placed as small kiss on his cheek. "I forgive you."

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We rode through the day. Kili would occasionally slow down to ride next to me, whether it was to see how I was doing or just to talk, and then ride ahead to keep close to Thorin. While I was happy we were speaking again, I knew he was still hurting. I was too. But I couldn't stop replaying his outburst in my head. _How did he know how to find me? Why did he come find me? _As Kili rode beside his uncle, all thoughts vanished as the young dwarf turned and flashed me a smile. Maybe I didn't need to know the answer to that.

Stopping for the night, we quickly ate and settled down to sleep. It would be another day before we reached the edge of Mirkwood and Thorin didn't want to waste anytime getting there. Although their spirits were filled with hope, it was obvious that they were all worried about what awaits for us in the dark woods. Too many thoughts, too many questions and worries ran through my head long after the dwarves had gone to sleep. It seemed to be an endless pattern of drifting off to sleep only to have sleep scared off at the slightest noise. Whether it be the pop from the fire or the movement of a dwarf as he switched shifts with another.

After the hearing the new shift move to the fire, I decided to give up on sleep. Sitting up, I met the familiar blue eyes, watching me from across the fire. With a small smile, I got up and sat next to him.

"Another nightmare?"

"No. Can't sleep."

"Oh? Anything on your mind?"

"Yea. A lot." The dwarf laughed as lifted his pipe to his lips.

"Tell me what's wrong? I noticed that you and my brother are together again, so it mustn't be that."

I laughed watching the fire dance about. "Yea...I mean...we're talking but it's not like that."

"What do you mean?"

His eyes furrowed as I just smiled and shook my head. "Never mind. Just forget I said anything."

Not pushing the subject, he turned his attention back to the fire. With sat in comfortable silence as he smoked his pipe and I staring up at the stars. It was odd to say the least, not being able to see any familiar constellations. Not that I knew many to begin with.

"Who is Michael?" My eyes widened at the name as I returned my attention to the dwarf. "In your dream. You cried out his name...Was he the one who broke your heart?"

"No...he um..."A tightness formed around my chest as I tried to find me voice. "He's...was my brother."

Fili's face fell and for a moment said nothing. His eyes darted around as his mind processed my response. "My apologies. I-"

"It's ok. You didn't know."

"How did he die?"

"He was killed. We went to a mall...It's um...It's a place that has a lot of different shops and food...Anyway, we needed to get our mom a gift cause her birthday was coming up so after school he picked me up and we went shopping."

_"What about this?" I burst out laughing as Michael held up an ugly green blouse to his chest. "Do I look pretty?" Batting his eyes, he wiggled his hips making me laugh more. _

_"Ew, you would make such an ugly woman." _

_"Hey!" Feigning offense, he put the blouse back and stuck out his tongue before walking to the escalator. I couldn't help but roll my eyes before catching up to him as he heads downstairs. _

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_We eventually came upon a pair of earrings that we knew she would love. As we left the store, I felt my body tense up at seeing a group of young hispanic men standing around their car. Two wore baggy shirts that looked to be about 3 sizes too big. The other, sitting on the trunk of the car, wore a fitted wife-beater that displayed a cross tattooed on his arm. All wore matching black baggy jeans. In any other area, I wouldn't think twice about their appearance but knowing, the history of gang violence at this mall, I wanted nothing more than to get the car as fast as possible. _

_"Hey! What you lookin' at?!" My body tensed and I inched closer to my brother as we walked past. _

_"Just keep walking May." Biting my lip, I nodded, keeping my eyes straight ahead. _

_"Hey! I'm talkin' to you, bitch!" We were just 5 cars away from Michael's when the man grabbed my arm pulling me back into him. _

_"Get off her!" Michael quickly shoved him off of me as he pulled me behind him. "Look we don't want any trouble. Alright?" _

_The three men laughed as they approached us. My heart raced as Michael shifted his right leg back just an inch. To anyone else, the move would mean nothing really. But after 4 years of training with him, I knew the move all too well. _

_"Just walk away." _

_"Just walk away." The leader of the group made a face as he mimicked Michael, laughing off his warning. My eyes darted across the parking lot looking for anyone who could help us. But I saw no one. Distress quickly set in as I was pushed back by my brother. _

_The leader gave a quick nod to his posse as they spread out. An evil smirk spread on each of their faces. _

_"May. Jikkou suru to iu toki, watashi wa anata ga jikkou shitai. Ok?" _

_"Hey what the hell you tellin' her?!" The tattooed man quickly closed the distance between my brother and him, his hands clenched. Throwing a punch at my brother, Michael quickly shifted to the left, dodging the attack before he landed a punch to the man's gut. _

_"May! Now!" Hesitating for a split second, I tried to run only to be tackled to the ground. The man pulled me up and it was the first time I had seen so much fear in my brother's eyes as the man wrap his arms around me, as I tried to struggle. _

_His laughter sent a chill down my spine as the third man came up and punched my brother across the face, sending him to the ground. Michael was sent into a rage as he jumped to his feet and charged at the attacker. I watched as blows were exchanged, my brother against two men. Determined to help, I kicked my captor's shin with my heel. Feeling his grip loosen, I lift his arms to mine and bit down. The man let out a scream as he yanked his arm away. Falling to my knees, my eyes widened in horror as Michael stood teary eyed with a gun to his head. _

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"The man just winked at me and shot him...I s-should have said something...a-anything...but I couldn't...I just s-sat there and s-said n-nothing. I failed h-him, I let him d-die-"

Fili wrapped his arms around me as my breathing became more erratic.

"No. This wasn't your fault, May." Not wanting to wake the others, I pressed my face against his chest muffling a sob. "Your brother gave his life for you, just as I would Kili or Thorin...or you. You didn't fail him."

"What?" Pulling away, I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and looked up at him quizzically. "Why?"

"Why?"

"Why would you give your life for me? I mean I understand Kili and Thorin but-"

My mouth dropped open as Fili cupped my face and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. "Because I care about you and because you're one of us now."

I didn't know what to say as I stared into his smiling eyes. So I simply pulled his hands away from my face and wrapped my arms around his neck as he returned the hug.

For the rest of his shift, I listened to him tell me stories of his childhood. Mostly of the mischief he and Kili would get into. Each story made me laugh more. At some point, I found it difficult to breath as I keeled over trying my best not to laugh so loud. The hours seemed to be only minutes when Dwalin awoke to relieve Fili of his shift. Grabbing my hand, I let him lead me over to his bedroll. He sat down cross-legged, I laid down beside him with my head in his lap as he continued talking and stoked my hair. The combination of his soothing voice and gentle fingers, I soon closed my and surrendered to sleep

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**Yes this was a long chapter. But yay! Kili's not a complete ass. ^_^ I hope that makes some Kili fans out there happy. (*I'm one so I'm happy about it) Anyways...I hope you enjoyed it and would love to hear what you think! **

**Translation: **

**Jikkou suru to iu toki, watashi wa anata ga jikkou shitai. = When I tell you to run, I want you to run.**


	19. Mirkwood

Chapter 19

The sun light barely peeked over the horizon when Fili insistently nudged me awake. Letting out a yawn, I rolled over to find the dwarves packing up. The night air was cold and Fili's cloak blanketed on me was cozy and warm. One more yawn, I reluctantly stood up, folded the cloak and left it on his bedroll.

Knowing that we would reach the edge of Mirkwood in two days, the dwarves had us riding out in less than 30 minutes. The ride started off well enough, we rode fast occasionally slowing for the random rough terrain. During this time, the dwarves would sing and laugh but once the valley smoothed out a bit, we kicked into high gear again. By dusk, my eyes struggled to keep open and on more than one occasion I would jerk at feeling myself fall forward.

A gentle touch on my shoulder had my eyes shooting open. Kili smiled softly as he rubbed my shoulder. "Tired?" Rubbing my eye, I nodded. He let out a chuckle and maneuvered his pony to almost press against mine, close enough for him to touch my waist. "Grab onto my neck." Raising a brow, he laughed and gave a quick nod. Too tired to argue, I did as I was told. With almost little effort, he wrapped his arm around my waist and hoisted me over having me sit side saddle, pressed up against his chest. So familiar were his arms and how I had forgot what it felt like to be held by him.

"Fili. Can you take the reigns?" The blonde just nodded in silence as he took my pony's reigns. Maybe it was because of the light of the moon or my state of sleepiness that I believed to see something different in his eyes. _Sadness? But why would he be sad? What happened? _

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Mirkwood was exactly how I imagined it would be. Dark, ivy covered trees growing so close together it made light almost impossible to penetrate. An eerie silence surrounded us. Long before we had reached our destination, the birds and insects stopped chirping. No wildlife of any kind could be seen and even the plants lay dead around us. It was almost as if the forest was poison to them.

"Well, here is Mirkwood. The greatest of the forest of the Northern world. I hope you like the look of it. Now you must send back these excellent ponies you have borrowed."

Although I didn't like the idea of walking from here on, just as the dwarves and even Bilbo, I dismounted and put my pack on. While Gandalf continued, I made my way over to Fili. Since seeing, that look of sadness in his eyes two nights ago, I grew very concerned about the dwarf. He grew distant, silent. Although he was usually the more quiet brother, this was different. I don't know if I could get the dwarf to talk when Kili had failed yesterday, but I had to try.

"Hey." The blonde jumped, apparently unaware that I was there. Catching his eye, he looked down at me with a smile. "Can we talk?" My nervousness must have been apparent on my face as the dwarf's face fell with concern. Without hesitation, he dismounted and quickly pulled me aside.

"What's wrong?"

"I just...I wanted to talk with you." The dwarf's concern didn't diminish. Taking a deep breath, I ran a hand through my hair. "Is everything okay?"

His face faltered. "Yeah. Everything's fine." It was a lie. I knew it and the way he turned his face only verified it.

"Fili. Come on, I know something's wrong. Talk to me. Please?" I gently pulled his face to meet mine and for once he didn't hide the sadness in his eyes. "What's wrong?" I don't know when I began caressing his cheek. I knew I should pull away now that I noticed, but I couldn't. The feeling of stubble against my palm and the soft smooth skin of his cheek against my fingers. It wasn't like it was the first time I touched a man's face. _I should pull away. I should stop._ My hand seemed to have a mind of it's own.

For a moment, my heart skipped a beat as Fili leaned into the touch. The moment was short lived as he opened his eyes and gently pulled my hand away. The loss of contact should have just been that a loss of contact, like the ending of a hand shake. So why did it feel like a blow the gut?

"Thank you for your concern. I'm just getting...scared. About Erebor." And yet another blow. "Oh...Yeah."_What the hell did I expect he'd say? Of course he's concerned about that. Get a hold of yourself. "_I'm sorry. knew I shouldn't have told you."

"No. I'm glad you did." For a moment it seemed like he was going to say something else when a chorus of protests drew his attention. "What's going on?" The look in his eyes was gone, and he stood straighter now. The mask was back on place.

Swallowing the lump of disappointment, I follow his gaze. Gandalf stood in front of Bilbo. The dwarves stayed silent, head's hanging slightly. "Gandalf is leaving. He's telling Bilbo, the others to cheer up and think of the treasure that waits at Erebor. That we should think of getting home..." My heart sank. "I mean your home." Fili's eyes were already on my when I looked back at him.

"I meant what I said. About keeping you and your family safe. I won't break that promise...Come on. Gandalf's going to leave soon."

I didn't give Fili a chance to say anymore as I walked off to say good bye to the wizard. Angry and distressed were that came to mind as the Dwarves adjusted their packs and the water sack. Helping Kili with his back, he thanked me and gave my arm a reassuring squeeze. Just like in the book we headed into the forest single file.

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Darkness. Darkness during the day and darkness at night. I could say that I was starting to know what it was like to live in Alaska. I didn't like it. Our first night, Bofur and Gloin tried to start a fire so we could have some light and warmth. But in lighting it, attracted much of the wild life. Glowing beady eyes of various insects peaked out from the darkness causing quite a commotion amongst the company.

I was standing close to a tree when a large insect scurried up the trunk into the branches. I nearly jumped out of my skin and cried out. It was a nightmare to see so many crawling insects scatter around. But by the time Bofur put out the lights, it was too late. My body was shaking as I whimpered on the verge of tears. Heights was one of my fears, but the worst fear I had were spiders.

No one slept well that night, if at all. For three days we continued on. For three days, I lost count of how many times I jumped at the feel of spider webs or of something crawling on me. Under normal circumstances, such as camping, I could ignore that feeling. Brush it off. But these weren't normal circumstances and these weren't your everyday bugs and spiders. The only thing about this whole experience is that my relationship with Kili seemed back to normal as he kept me close behind during the day and held me at night. Somewhere in the four days of darkness, we had shifted from trying to rekindle the romance to accepting our relationship as one of friendship. With that straightened out, I managed to convince myself that us being former lovers is what made him holding me less comforting than before. However, if I were honest with myself, I would have known the real reason.

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One week. Seven days is how long it took for us to reach the black river. We were all tired and thirsty and the sight of the river was just so tempting. Thankfully we didn't touch the water.

The bridge led would have allowed us to cross the water was, just as Tolkien had described, was non-existent. If not for two posts on either side of the bank, we wouldn't have known one was even there. Bilbo quickly inched towards the bank and craned his neck as he tried to look out into the darkness.

"Aha! There is a boat against the far bank! Now why couldn't it have been on this side!"

Everyone gathered near the hobbit as they strained their eyes to see. Thorin quickly pushed his way through to stand next to Bilbo. "How far away do you think it is?"

"Not at all far. I shouldn't think above twelve yards"

I stood away from the group as they began to throw out ideas of how to get across. "You can through a rope." I muttered to myself as I scanned the forest.

"Can any of you throw a rope?" _  
_

"...I can't be sure in this light; but it looks to me as if it was just drawn up on the bank, which is low just there where the path goes down into the water."

"Dori is the strongest, but Kili is the youngest and still has the best sight. Come here Kili..." The group parted making room for the young dwarf to stand next to Bilbo as the rest quickly fastened an iron hook to a rope.

_We're half way through the book...and when I save them...that'll be it. _I let out a sigh. We still had much more ground to cover and many more dangers ahead, but I still felt a stab of disappointment and sadness that the journey really would eventually end. I didn't want to leave Middle Earth. This. They had become my home. Kili and I had finally reconciled and Fili. _I would never see him again. _

"Is everything alright?" Letting out a sigh, I shook my head. "Something's going to happen soon." Once again, I nodded, keeping my eyes on the ground. "Is it..."

I shook my head, knowing fully well what Fili was asking. "What is it?"

"I'm scared."

"Scared?"

_What do I say? That scared of going to battle, scared of not being able to save them? _"I scared of losing you." The whispered words weren't meant to be spoken out loud.

"You won't lose me." I lifted my gaze. His face filled with concern and something that I couldn't figure out. "I promise."

"How.." Licking my lips, my mouth suddenly went became dry. "How can you be so sure?"

"Because..." My heart sped up at the touch of his hand on my cheek. "I will never let you go."

"Fili..." Fili's face slowly inched closer to my own as I struggled to remember to speak. But soon his lips were pressed against mine and speaking didn't seem so important as my eyes drifted close.

Our lips parted as his tongue gently danced against mine. His thumb caressed my cheek as the other ran through my hair. I snaked my hands up his chest and neck to cup his face relishing in feeling of his beard against my hand again. It only took on step from the dwarf to press our bodies together, eliciting a moan from me. But soon his lips were gone.

He heavy breathing matched mine as he stared into my eyes. My hands dropped to my side as he took a step back. Apparently the dwarf was more aware of the others than I was as they burst into cheers. My mind was spinning. Completely shell shocked, I vaguely noticed Fili say something before going off to help his brother, but for the life of me I couldn't understand for only one thought kept repeating. "What just happened?"

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Riding the small boat with Bofur and Bifur in the dark was scary, yes. But my mind was still focused on the lingering feeling of Fili's lips. _He kissed me. Fili kissed me...Not Kili...Fili. Why did he kiss me? _I kept replaying the kiss over and over in my mind. It was so different from any kiss I had experienced before. I was used to rough kisses. The kind of hot, heavy, aggressive, heat of the moment kind. The kind I experienced with Kili. But this was slow and gentle and passionate. I should feel weird or wrong about it. But as Fili helped me out of the boat with no sign of hurt or sadness in his eyes, just pure happiness, I could only match the emotion.

The sound of hooves hitting the dirt caught our attention as they quickly drew closer. Fili pushed me behind him as a deer ran out of the shadows. Lowering it's head, it sped up charging right towards us.

"Look out!" Thorin's cry quickly sent everyone scattering, jumping out of the way. I winced as I landed on the ground. Quickly looking up, Kili quickly drew his arrow and bow, shooting it at the deer as it leaped into the darkness across the river.

At the sound of a splash and thrashing of water, the dwarves and Bilbo smiled victoriously.

"Help!" Their faces fell. Bilbo quickly looked around. His face paled.

"Bomber has fallen in! Bomber is drowning!" _Yada! Jinjja pabbo seo yo! How could I forget!?_ Panic rose as everyone quickly rushed to the river bank. "There! I can see his head over there!" Kili threw the rope in the direction Bilbo pointed but missed by a few feet.

"Quickly! Throw it again!" Dori stepped up helping Kili reel in the rope faster before they threw it out again.

"He's not grabbing it!"

"Bilbo, where is he?" Thorin's eyes were wide with panic as they scanned the darkness.

"I-I...I don't see him! I can't see him!"

"No! Find him!"

Bofur quickly grabbed hold of Bilbo's arm allowing him to lean a bit further. All the while, Kili and Dori kept throwing out the rope, as the others shouted to Dwalin to throw them his rope to bring him across. _This isn't how it's supposed to happen._

"He's gone!"

"NO! I will not accept that!"

_Dammit!_ Rushing over to Kili, I stopped him from throwing the rope back. "What are you doing!?"

"Give me the rope."

"What?!" Ignoring his surprise, I took the rope from him, reeling it in til I had the end in hand.

"He's under the water, which means he's either a sleep or his panicking is just making him go no where fast."

"So what do you suggest we do?" Wrapping the rope around my waist, I tied a double knot pulling hard to ensure it was secure.

"Don't hold the rope too tight, otherwise I won't be able to reach him."

"Have you gone mad, lass?!" The dwarves immediately began to protest after Bofur's out cry. But I ignored them, we were wasting time. Walking over to the edge of the water, Fili grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"May, don't do this!"

"If I don't, who will save Bomber?" My response didn't seem to ease his anger and concern. I sighed and wrapped my arms around him. "Don't let them use up their arrows, ok?"

Pulling away, his brows furrowed downward. "Promise me." From the way he looked away from me, I knew he didn't want to, but nodded none-the less.

Reminded that time was at stake, I quickly ran into the water and with one deep breath dove in. I don't know how far I swam before I breached the surface. Blowing out, I quickly wiped my face before taking a breath.

Looking around, I could barely see anything. The dwarves were no longer in view and fear began to creep up on me. My only security lay in the rope tied around me.

"Bilbo! How far away am I from where he was?"

"About 2 yards to your right."

"Ok, let me know when I'm over him!"

Keeping my head above the water, I quickly swam over.

"There!" Taking one deep breath, I dove under. Unable to see anyway, I kept my eyes closed as I felt around for the large dwarf. I was almost out of air, when I felt clothing followed by a large hand. _Got him! _

Pulling him up, I realized that despite being in water, the dwarf was still heavy. I could barely pull him up and with me running out of air, I could feel the panic rise.

Holding the dwarf close, I quickly pulled on the rope. Almost immediately, the rope yanked against my stomach causing the little air I had to be expelled from my lungs.

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**Soo this is an interesting turn of events. Fili surprises May with a kiss. And now she's in the river. What's going to happen next? o.0 I don't even know. haha. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please leave comments, what you like, didn't like, what you think is gonna happen, etc. **

**Translations: **

**Yada! = No! **

**Jinjja pabbo seo yo! = I was so stupid! **


	20. Spiderwebs

"Bilbo Baggins! Hobbit!..." The shouting pierced through my sleep. Sitting up I yawned and scratched my head. As my eyes adjusted, I found myself surrounded by darkness, in the middle of a forest. "What the hell?" Rubbing my head with both hands, I let out a hiss of pain. Feeling around, I winced coming in contact with a small gash on the side of my head. Pulling my hand away, I strained to examine my fingers. _No blood...Itai yo. Must have happened just recently...But I would remember that, wouldn't I? _Getting to my feet, I brushed myself off, pausing as I looked myself over. "What the...Where are my clothes?"

"May! You're awake!" Quickly spinning around, I put my hands up. My eyes widened as a man dressed as Fili walked out of the shadows. _What the hell is going on? _I opened my mouth to speak when the man rushed up to me, throwing his arms around my neck and held me in a tight embrace.

"Thank Durin you're awake. After Bomber awoke and you had not...But you're awake now."

"What?" I pulled away, confused. About to asked what he meant, when the others caught me by surprise.

"Miss! You're awake!" "Lass, what's the last thing you remember?" "When did you wake up?" My jaw dropped as I was suddenly surrounded. Several men, all dressed as the characters from the Hobbit. The chorus of questions, hands patting my head, back shoulders. _I'm going crazy. What's going on? _Taking a step back, I heard a yelp as I stepped on a foot. "Oh. Sorry." Spinning around I looked down to see whose foot I stepped on. I wasn't at all ready to see a pair of large hair bare feet with the little toe just under my lifted heel. My eyes drifted up and suddenly I was staring at the face of Bilbo Baggins. His face contorted with pain. _This is real...I just stepped on his toe and he felt it..._. Just as everything was beginning to become too much, the man dressed as Fili quickly pushed his way through the group, and shielded me with his body. "That's enough." It was a soft command, but it was loud enough to get them to back off quietly.

"May, what is the last thing you remember?" Peeking from behind the blonde dwarf, I laid my eyes on the black haired leader and his youngest nephew, as they walked to the front of the group. Both men held looks of concern. _What's the last thing I remember? _Biting my lip, I played back the moments in my head. _I remember Danny...We went camping and I went hiking alone...He said we were just having fun! _

"I went walking alone...to escape...I was hurt? But...I don't feel hurt anymore...There was a river...and grass. Green grass. I was lost...I think..."

"You do not remember anything else?" The disappointment in the Hobbit's voice was confusing, but seeing the disappointed look in all of their faces was far more confusing for me.

"No. That's it...Why? And how do you know my name? How did I get into these clothes? Where am I n-"

He placed his thick finger against my lips while his other hand ran up and down my arm. "We'll explain everything to you, but you have to calm down. Breathe. Deep breaths."

I did as I was told. Deep breaths in and out. I found it slightly strange that he continued to whisper words of comfort as my breathing steadied and my panic began to cease. Before now, I believed him to be a work of fiction but as I stood inches away. _I have to be going crazy._ "Good girl. You're safe now. I promise." I should have laughed or tried to run, but I didn't. I believed him. There was something so familiar about him. About all of them, actually.

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After Fili got me to calm down, he sat me next to Bilbo and Thorin as they told me what had happened since I arrived at Bag End. Aside from the heaviest of the group, who would scoff at the tales, all agreed or would chime in and explain what I was doing then. It was all too much. Letting out a sigh, I covered my mouth as I scanned the several dwarf faces. It wasn't until I came to Dwalin, that I noticed the two youngest talking. I don't think I would be able to hear what they were say even if Bofur stopped talking, but from the way that they leaned into each other, it was obvious they knew something the others didn't.

"...and when you dove into the water, we all feared the worst. The poor lads turned white as they held onto the rope."

"Aye. But when we heard your voice in the dark and awaited a sign. You didn't let us down, lass. You saved Bomber." Balin held a proud smile on his face. _I saved him..._

"Wait..." Casting a glance at Bomber he leaned against a log with his eyes closed, I bit my lower lip. "Bomber remembers being at Mr. Baggin's-"

"Bilbo. Please."

"Uh...Ne. Bilbo's home...and you said that I was there too...then why can't I remember? I mean, from what you said Bomber was in the water longer than I was...So why did I lose the most memory?"

"We don't know lass." Their faces dropped, unable to come up with some plausible reason. The silence became as evident as the darkness around us. They looked tired, weary and soon they laid down, except for a few. After ordering Kili to take first watch, Thorin sat with Dwalin and Balin as they discussed how to get out of Mirkwood. Fili still stood where his brother had left him. _Now's my chance. _

Brushing myself off, I walked over and stood next to the blond dwarf. "You two know something they don't." My eyes narrowed. He shook his head yet didn't look surprised by my accusation either.

"My brother knows nothing. Only I know."

"I don't believe you. If that were the case, he wouldn't have looked so guilty before he left. What are you hiding from me?" Holding my index finger just in front of his face, I realize that I am almost pressed flush against him. Clearing my throat I take a few steps back before folding my arms. I could hear the wheels turning in his head as he debated saying anything to me or not. Letting out a frustrated sigh, he gently took my hand in his.

"I didn't lie to you. My brother knows nothing that I know." His eyes lowered as he watched his rubbing his thumb over the top of my hand. While the action was soothing, his behavior made me uneasy. "You and my brother...were in love...intimate. No one knew. Not even I. It wasn't until you ended things that Kili confided in me."

I didn't understand anything that was going on. _First I'm hurt by Danny, but I don't feel hurt. In fact, I don't really feel anything about him. Then I find out I've been in Middle Earth for going on a few months? Now I find out I've been in a relationship-thingy with Kili...But we're not together anymore cause I ended it...And...Oh so dizzy. _I felt my legs begin to give, but before I could fall Fili wrapped his arms around me, helping me sit on the ground. I wanted to thank him, but all I could do was gape at him as he moved to sit beside me. Thinking over what he said, I opened my mouth to ask what he knew.

"We'll discuss more about this later. Right now you should rest." He took my hand again and gave it a small squeeze before his gaze traveled to the others. He puzzled me. _He said that Kili and I were...are?...were in love...and yet, he seems to know my emotions, what I'm thinking._

"There's a regular blaze of light begun not far away - hundreds of torches and many fires must have been lit suddenly and by magic. And hark to the singing and the harps!" Kili ran out of the dark shadows with wide eyes.

It definitely caught everyone's attention, but no one except Bomber moved. For a few minutes, we waited, listening to the sound of singing and ignoring the grumbling of our empty stomachs. But the will temptation was strong, for soon the group was up.

"Wait! No! Don't-" My cries went unheard by the hungry group as they quickly pushed me aside and followed Kili to the feast. I knew what was going to happen, but how could I tell them without thinking I was crazy.

A hand touched my shoulder, surprising me. Spinning around, I found one dwarf stayed behind. Yet again, there was no surprise, just concern as he stepped closer to me. "What is it?"

"I..." Looking back at the direction the others went and back at Fili, I debated with myself whether I should say anything. "I...Never mind. Let's go." _I hate this part of the book._

I could only hope that he wouldn't ask anymore questions as I grabbed his hand and headed off to find the others before it was too late.

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It was too late. We managed to follow the light and reach Bofur who stood still in awe, when the light went out, sending ash everywhere. Blinded by the ash, all I could hear were the others cry out in pain and frantic movements.

Suddenly more cries, of fear surrounded me from all directions. Panic arose as I found myself spinning in my spot, trying to find any sound to indicate where the nearest dwarf was. _Kuso. Otteoke? Otteoke? _

"Fili!?..." No response. "Fili!" The sound of the dwarves cries faded into the darkness leaving me alone in silence. "Please come back."

My eyes shot open with a gasp at the sound of leaves moving. _What the hell was that?! _I still only saw black. A part of my brain screamed to run, but the fear of not knowing which direction to go nor which direction the spiders were kept me in my place.

My legs were suddenly pulled out from under me, shaking me out of my thoughts, by something sticky. Realizing it was the giant spider, I screamed and struggled but the sticky sting of web just tangled my legs even more. I tried to grab for any branches or rock, but my efforts were made in vain at the sharp pain of something stabbing into me. Slowly my body became too weak and numb to move.

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_ "Look you can't tell anyone about what I said." Fili glanced at the group that move farther away with each second. His brows furrowed and frown deepened. After hesitating for a moment, he finally nodded."_

_I'm promise I'm going to do everything I can to keep you and your family safe." Fili looked at me skeptically before breaking into laughter. "I didn't think I would live to see the day, a woman of man would vow to protect a group of dwarves and a hobbit."_

_Fili stood just inches away from me allowing me to see the look of concern and sincerity in his eyes. "You won't lose me. I promise...I'll never let you go." _

"May! May hold on!" The webbing is stripped away from my face as I gasp for fresh air. Nausea hits me suddenly. Slowly, I struggle to roll over to my side. A pair of hands suddenly brace me as they help me turn over. Water mixed with stomach acid falls onto the branch soon followed by dry heaves. One hand still holds onto me while the other brushes my hair back.

"Now we see you, you nasty little creature! We will eat you and leave your bones and skin hanging on a tree. Ugh! he's got a sting has he? Well, we'll get him all the same, and then we'll hang him head downwards for a day or two."

The hissing words send chills down my spine and soon the soothing hands are quickly yanking me to my feet. "Quickly! Stand up!" My eye sight was still coming to focus while I was being hurried off somewhere. The hands left me and as I gained clear vision, found myself standing alone on a branch surrounded by spider webs. 'Horrified' would be the best word to describe my state of mind as I whimpered. "May! Jump down! Hurry!"

Hearing his voice below, I had forgot how weak and wobbly I was. Quickly looking over, I lost my balance and quickly fell to the ground. I had collided with something very firm, not at all what I would have expected the ground to feel like, but upon hearing a groan, I realized that Fili had caught me and in doing so fell onto his back.

There was no time to apologize though as Fili pushed me up and off of him. "Bofur, keep her safe!" Catching sight of the large spiders that quickly advanced at Bilbo, covered my mouth to muffle a scream as Bofur pulled me behind him and next to Bomber, who was still very much dazzed by the spider venom. As Fili, Kili, Dori and Dwalin stood steady ready to fight, the others could barely stand. I was on the verge of crying knowing that so many spiders were around and my body shook fiercely. If Bilbo were to slip up or become tired, I knew that neither I nor the rest of the dwarves would be of no help at all for the poor hobbit and dwarves.

"I am going to disappear." It was a statement that confused the dwarves even more as Bilbo kept swinging his sword. "I shall draw the spiders off, if I can; and you must keep together and make in the opposite direction. To the left there, that is more or less the way towards the place where we last saw the elf-fires."

Through the hissing and screeching of the spiders, the sound of Bilbo's sword swinging the the air and our venom dazed minds, it was difficult to truly focus on what he said. But pushing past the nausea, I stood. Picking up a stone, I tossed it in my hand. One in hopes the others would understand but mostly to see if I even had the coordination to throw.

"Aye. Good thinking lass." Balin quickly followed my lead and managed to get the others to stand. Fili and Kili picked up a few stones as they moved back closing any large gaps between us. Several stone threw through the air, past Bilbo, striking several spiders. Shrieking out in pain, the spiders moved back giving us enough time to run.

"Go! Go!" Bilbo picked up the speed of his stinging as he swung the blade with a new vigor. We didn't need any more encouragement as we ran as fast as we could back to where we last saw light.

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We had managed to find one of the areas the elves had been and though it was impossible to know which circle it was, the elves magic left behind a green light that kept the spiders at bay. It was then and only then that we all fell to the ground, dropping our guards for a bit.

"Are you alright?" I nodded, rolling onto my back.

"And you?" Fili nodded. He was breathing just as hard as everyone else and looked just as pale. "You came back for me."

He let out a soft chuckle before turning to look at me. His smile brought back the dreams I had in the web. "Of course. I told you I would never let you go." His smile faded as he turned back to look at the dark branches. _He said that in my dream...Maybe..._

"Bilbo!" Sitting up, the hobbit sat down. His chest rising and falling heavily as he tried to catch his breath. The others scooted around him bombarding him with questions about his ability to turn invisible, how long he's been able to do so. I assumed that Fili would join them, but the dwarf didn't move.

"You sure you're ok?"

"I'm fine." He nodded, slowly sitting up. Nodding as well, I chewed on my lower

lip. "I can hear you thinking." Releasing my lip, I let out a breath.

"Back there...before you saved me. I started...well I mean I think I was..." Slowly he scooted closer to my side, he head lowered as he carefully watched me. "I had these dreams...they didn't make sense...but you were there and you said that I won't lose you. That you'll never let me go."

His eyes widened and mouth slowly dropped. "Yes! Yes, I told you that just before we cross the river. Do you remember anything else?" Trying to recall a dream was hard enough, but trying to recall a dream where your memory has be shot was terrible. Still I nodded my head.

"I remember that I told you "You can't tell anyone else about what I said" and then...you laughed. Something about a woman protecting you?" Rubbing my face, I let out a frustrated groan. "I don't know...This doesn't make any sense."

"May. It's alright!" Forcing my hands away from my face, he hugged me tight. "I just...I just want to remember something that makes sense. But I just get choppy images and I don't -"

Fili slowly began rocking as he rubbed my back. "Don't try to force it. That you are getting some memory back is a good omen."

"What do you know? About me?" The rocking stopped and his body tensed for a brief moment before he slowly pulled away. "You said your brother didn't know what you knew. So what do you know?" He frowned again, as he leaned his elbows against his knees. A strong desire to hold him surged through me as I saw his frown deepen. Whatever he knew truly upset him. As much as it hurt to see him like this, I needed to know. "Please, Fili."

* * *

**Soo May no longer feels heartbreak. But now she's even more confused and worse poor Fili has to deal with this alone. T_T Hope you liked the new chapter. I should be posting the next one very soon. **

**Translations: **

**Itai yo. = It hurts. **

**Ne. = Yes./Ok.**

**Kuso = Shit! **

**Otteoke = What should I do? **


	21. Wood-elves

For several minutes, Fili said nothing allowing Bilbo's voice to be carried over as he told of the riddles he exchanged with Gollum. The dwarves stayed silent and turning around, I found them staring at the hobbit with awe. Their respects for the hobbit obviously increased at that moment. "Gollum?"

His question got my attention but as he stared into the darkness, it seemed the dwarf didn't even realize he'd said it out loud. "Gollum was a Hobbit."

"I don't remember you telling me about him." Telling you? "You had told me of Bilbo's adventure and of JRR Tolkien's movies and books. But you never mentioned Gollum or this ring that turns our Hobbit invisible."

I tried to say something, but nothing could come to mind. I grew frustrated not remembering anything that he told me as I dug my palms into my eyes. "May, be patient." Gentle hands pulled mine down as he scooted to sit in front of me. "It will take time but your memory will come back."

"And what if it doesn't?" He looked away with worried eyes. "If I can't remember anything more than just those few dreams...I mean...I got to know them since I got here and now I can't even remember meeting them. All I remember is seeing them in a movie and reading about them. And then there's you...You know about my world and Kili...Does he know?"

"No! And I swore to you that I would never tell him. I promised then and I will keep that promise til I die..." The words sting as they come out. A pain in his eyes I don't remember seeing before is evident even in the green light. My jaw drops as I remember the book.

"You know...everything on this adventure...don't you?" Sadly he nods and my gut clenches. "How did you-"

"After you hurt my brother, he told me of your relationship with him. How he loved you and how you ended things. When I confronted you, you got angry and said you needed to save him. I pushed you until you told me everything...including our death." His eyes were glued to the ground, and his voice raspy from unshed tears. Seeing him like this made me feel sick. How could I put this on him?

"I'm so sorry Fili."

"I'm not. While it isn't something I enjoy thinking about, I will never regret you telling me."

"Why not?"

"Because...you're special to m...my brother."

"Oh. I see." Looking down, I tried to ignore the feeling of disappointment. "So how much do you know about me and Kili?"

"Gollum! Well I'm blest!..." Turning back, Balin's voice slowly began to died down as sleep began to take over. The dwarves and our hobbit lay on the ground, relaxed and at peace with smiles on their faces for we knew that for tonight we were safe. Fili and I both exchanged grins as we turned around. But our grins faded at the sudden call of Thorin's name. Dwalin quickly sat up and looked about frantically.

"Where is Thorin!?"

"He wasn't with us in the spiders' nests." "When was the last time anyone saw him?" "Did we leave him behind?" Quickly Fili and I joined the group. Fili's eyes were wide as he too joined in the questioning. Just as the others, it was obvious he worried that Thorin was hurt or worse. Catching his eyes, I quickly shook my head and mouthed that he was fine. I knew it wasn't much, but he nodded and took a deep breath.

"We're too tired to go searching for him or the path, so we'll have to wait til morning." Slightly reluctant the group had no choice but to agree. The venom was still exiting everyone and with lack of food and poor sleep it didn't take much argument before everyone was settled down for the night.

Leading Fili aside, I laid down just a few feet from the others. I was tired but with so many questions going through my mind, sleep was out of the question and Fili made no fuss as he lay on his back beside me. Much of what he knew he managed to retell in a matter of a few minutes, explaining that I didn't go into much detail of my past or my life in San Diego. It wasn't long before Kili was, once again, brought up into the conversation.

Staring up at him, I listened to his stories from our night at Beorns, where he found his brother dressing my head wound and held me when demons plagued my dreams, to seeing Kili and I coming from the river our clothes wet and a smile on our faces as we held hands.

"So I guess Kili really does love me..." Fili remained silent causing me to lift my head. His eyes remained glued to the blackness of the tree tops, his expression unreadable and slightly concerning. "Hey Fili?"

"Hmm?"

"You okay?" He lifted his head to stare into my eyes for a moment.

"Just tired." My brows furrowed as he smiled. It was forced and the hurt behind it didn't go unnoticed. "Get some sleep." That was it. Placing a small kiss on top of my head, he leaned back and closed his eyes.

"Goodnight." I whispered. Slowly I laid my head back down, folding my arm to as a makeshift pillow. I didn't know why I felt so guilty. Like I was responsible for his pain. Listening to his steady breathing, I closed my eyes, letting a silent tear fall before falling to sleep.

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No one slept well that night. Hungry, thirsty and exhausted of the dark, we slowly began to trek through the forest in hopes of finding out path again. I stayed close to Bofur as he forced his brother to keep walking. Their bickering and banter kept my mind occupied for the most part but every now and then, my mind would wander to the two brothers who brought up the rear of the group.

Kili had woken me up just hours ago. We walked side by side during the first leg of our search. We spoke with ease. Jumping from topic to topic as was my conversations with the others. But it wasn't the same as with Fili. I had very little memory of our conversations and our interactions, yet I felt so close and comfortable with him. That I could trust that no matter what, he truly would be there for me.

Our energy and strength was slowly dwindling as the day dragged on. Night would soon be here and we would once more be in darkness. Tensions began to run high among Dwalin, Bifur and Gloin as they argued which way to go. Bilbo and Bofur quickly tried to neutralize thing before they got out of hand while Bomber took that opportunity to sit down. The others seemed just as dazzed as me while we just stood and watched on unsure if we should even bother getting involved. My attention was drawn away by the two brothers who seemed to be having a heated argument of their own though I couldn't make out their full conversation due to their hushed voices, however the words "liar" and "betrayed" coming from Kili were very clear. Carefully, I took a few steps closer to them hoping they wouldn't notice.

"I swear that I only mean to make things right for you. I would never betray you. You know that." Fili placed a hand on Kili's tense shoulder and leaned their head's together. The younger dwarf took a deep breath and slowly released it as he nodded in agreement. The statement confused me. _What could Fili have done that would make Kili so mad? Maybe it happened before I went into the river? _

"May?" So lost in my thoughts, I hadn't noticed that their eyes land on me as they parted. "Is everything okay?" Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I rubbed my eyes.

"Yeah...Uh, just tired..." It wasn't exactly a lie, but they seemed to buy it as they nodded and led me back to the others.

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We hadn't walked very far when several torches light around us. The group quickly huddled into a tight circle, Kili pulling me behind him next to Bilbo. Elves popped out of the darkness, armed with bows and spears and aimed at us. There was no fight in any of us at that moment, and even if there was there were too many to fight off, so with a huff the dwarves threw down their weapons. One by one they sat down in surrender. Bilbo fumbled about as he searched for the ring in his pocket.

"Be careful Bilbo." He gave a quick nod and smile before vanishing. My eyes widened as a hand touched my cheek for a brief moment.

"Surrender!" I jumped at the voice and cautiously sat down avoiding all eye contact from who i assumed was the lead Elf of this group.

The elves were forceful as they stood us up in a line and bound our hands. They had no sympathy for us as they practically dragged us along, moving as quick as they could back to their cavern. A couple times I tripped only to be yanked to my feet. The fact that I was a woman didn't seem to matter much to the elves however feeling Fili's hands on my back was a comfort. I still didn't understand how I could remember almost nothing since I came to Middle Earth, yet his touch felt so familiar.

Those thoughts were put on hold as we were abruptly stopped. We all leaned aside trying to get a better look. Slowly the elves began to move again, crossing the bridge that lay over a river flowing wildly. The dark water rushed and roared under us only reminding us of how our thirst and bringing up fear in me. Fear of falling in to the blackness again.

The elves gave us a shove upon reaching the other side. The gates to the mouth of the cave lay shut until the lead elf spoke a few words. Though I didn't know what he said, I couldn't help but be enchanted by the language itself. The inside was lit with dim lights, the stone walls separating to new rooms and halls. A large wooden chair lay in the center of the largest room we were led to. Had it not been for the smell of clean but slightly damp air and lack of run down rope bridges, I would have assumed we were back in the goblin cave, for there was still a strong feeling of discomfort and unwelcomeness.

The Elvenking straightened in his chair as we approached. His eyes narrowed and frown deepened as he studied each of us. But the moment his eyes met mine, I tore my gaze away to look at the ground.

"You may untie them." We all looked at each other in confusion as his soldiers undid our bindings. "Besides they need no ropes in here. There is no escape from my magic doors for those who are once brought inside."

Rubbing my wrists, I noticed some scarring. A large scab wrapping around my right wrist. It was well hidden by my sleeves and looked like it was once painful, though it didn't hurt now.

_A leather belt looped around my wrists as I frantically pulled and tried to get free. Pain shot through my arm as the leather rubbed against my skin. _

Inhaling sharply, the memory left leaving me just a bit more confused that I was, prior, to the flashback.

"Where were you coming from?" The dwarves said nothing. Partly out of fatigue that they didn't speak but mostly they just didn't trust the Elvenking. The tension in the room grew ominous and without thinking, I took a step closer to Fili. The Elvenkind whipped his eyes over to me. "Strange. A woman in the company of dwarves. You. Step forward." My eyes widened and heart raced as Fili reached back, pushing me just a bit more behind him. The king smirked, his eyes never leaving me as he ordered his men to bring me forward.

I stepped forward upon seeing the dwarf tense up. As scared as I was of the man sitting before us, I was more scared of Fili getting hurt because of me. "What is your name?" Swallowing my fear, I tried to even my breathing as I looked around at the others. Several didn't look at me, while those who did held concern in their eyes. _Maybe they're afraid I'll talk...Ok you have two choices...You can either hold your tongue and risk pissing the man off even more or play dumb..._

"I asked for your name!" His voice echoed through the room, bouncing off the stone walls. I jumped closing my eyes. Taking one last look at Kili and Fili, they gave a simultaneous reassuring nod, before turning back to the king. I had no time to respond when Balin

"What have we done, O king? Is it a crime to be lost in the forest, to be hungry and thirsty, to be trapped by spiders? Are the spiders your tame beasts or your pets, if killing them makes you angry?"

The king's eyes narrowed and mouth formed a slight snarl as he slowly rose from his chair. "It is a crime to wander in my realm without leave. Do you forget that you were in my kingdom, using the road that my people made? Did you not three times pursue and trouble my people in the forest and ' rouse the spiders with your riot and clamour? After all the disturbance you have made I have a right to know what brings you here, and if you will not tell me now, I will keep you all in prison until you have learned sense and manners!" Fili and Kili quickly pulled me back to stand just behind them as the elf soldiers approached us. "Put them in separate cells. You will be given food and water but you will not be able to see or speak with each other until you tell me what I want to know." With a wave of his hand, we were being bound again and led to our cells.


	22. When dreams reveal the truth

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_Four days. Four days of solitude. Four days of pacing my cell and trying not to go insane. _For the past half hour, I hadn't moved from my spot on the floor. Just laying, staring at the ceiling. The only light in my small stone walled cell came from the bar covered window of the cell door. Magic didn't lock these doors but there was no use of breaking out. Not until Bilbo found us.

"Breakfast." I slowly sat up as the door opened and the young elf soldier brought in a tray with a bowl of stew, bread and another bowl for water. "You really should try to sleep, miss."

I ignored him comment. Taking the tray, I set it beside me and began to eat. The nightmares started the first night. Just quick flashes of spiders and webs before I woke up. But as the night wore on, more nightmares came. Goblins, wargs chasing me. The second night, the nightmares returned. Bringing me back to memories of my brother's death, of my parents. I woke up screaming, sweat falling down my face.

Unable to go back to sleep I began to talk through the window with the young guards. We never exchanged names, just the time and finding out if they others were ok. For once being seen as a weak woman had it's advantages and I wasn't going to complain as long as they gave me confirmation that the others were still alive and well. However it's been almost 24 hours since our first conversation. I had managed to take a few ten minute catnaps through the day, but the fear of sleeping, of worse nightmares drove me to stay awake.

I let out an exasperated sigh as I lay back down. It was a lose-lose battle. I was so tired and scared but my heavy lids let me know that it would only be a matter of time before I would give in. It was only a matter of minutes before that happened. I could only hope that thinking of happy things would influence my dreams as I let my body relax and eyes close.

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_Three pairs of hands are holding me down as Kili struggles against a pair of orcs who hold him just a few feet away from his fallen Uncle. The pale orc stands over Thorin and flashes me a sadistic smile. He steps aside to reveal Fili. His mouth is bleeding and eyes unfocused. Looking down his body, I see the blood where he was stabbed. I try to run to him despite the three orcs that were holding me back. "NO! Fili!" I break free of their hold and run to Fili. Jumping over fallen bodies, pools of blood and dodging Elves and dwarves fighting orcs and goblins. None of it matters. My focus is only on Fili._

_Darkness slowly creeps up around me and Fili begins to fade. "Fili! Don't leave!" I breath harder as I force my legs to run faster. But the darkness takes the bleeding dwarf away._

_I'm crying. Sobbing as someone holds me. "Shh. It's alright. It was just a dream." The voice so familiar to me. Slowly he pushes me away and lift my head. My sobs stop at seeing bright blue eyes. And thought I can't see his face, I trust him. His eyes and words fade away and I am once again in darkness._

_"Your brother gave his life for you, just as I would Kili or Thorin...or you. You didn't fail him." I am being held once again, my head pressed against a firm chest._

_"What?" Pulling away, I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and looked up at him quizzically. "Why?"_

_"Why?"_

_"Why would you give your life for me?"_

_My mouth dropped open as the same familiar blue eyed man cupped my face and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. "Because I care about you and because you're one of us now."_

_He steps closer to me as I look away. "I scared of losing you." The words are soft, but soft enough for him to hear._

_"You won't lose me." I lifted my gaze I gasp seeing the same blue eyes from earlier, staring at me with certainty and a softness that resembled love._

_"How.." Licking my lips, my mouth suddenly went became dry. "How can you be so sure?"_

_"Because..." My heart sped up at the touch of his hand on my cheek. "I will never let you go."_

_"Fili..." Fili's face slowly inched closer to my own as I struggled to remember to speak. But soon his lips were pressed against mine and speaking didn't seem so important as my eyes drifted close._

_Our lips parted as his tongue gently danced against mine. His thumb caressed my cheek as the other ran through my hair. I snaked my hands up his chest and neck to cup his face relishing in feeling of his beard against my hand again. It only took on step from the dwarf to press our bodies together, eliciting a moan from me._

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My eyes snap open with a gasp. I'm sweating again and my heart is racing. Sitting up, I scoot back to lean up against the wall. The coolness of the stone that seeped through my shirt was somewhat relaxing for my overheated body. Letting out a shaky breath, I leaned my head back as my mind reflected on the dreams. Nothing about it made sense.

"Ugh, I don't understand!" I dug the heels of my palms in my eyes. _What the hell is wrong with my dreams?... Were they even dreams? No! He said that he told me he'd never let me go. _"But then that would mean they weren't dreams. If they weren't dreams then...AHA!" I jumped up with a smile. "Yatta! Oboette iru!"

Hearing a throated cough, I stopped jumping around and smiled apologetically at the guard as he eyed me from the window. Once he looked away, my smile grew as happiness and excitement spread through me. I was getting my memory back, even if it was in chunks it was better than nothing.

Taking a deep breath, I paused and my smiled fell. "Wait...But he told me that Kili and I were...are in love..." _He said that he held me when I had nightmares and comforted me. He never told me that he kissed me, that he knew about my brother..._"He lied to me." I staggered before letting my body fall against the wall, my breathing increasing._ That's why I felt so comfortable around him, why I trusted him, why I opened up to him and felt safe when he was near. Why would he lie to me though? He already told me he knows who I am, where I'm from. He knows about my brother and he kissed me. He kissed me and didn't say anything. He just made me think that Kili and I were together...He kept telling me..._Tears stung my eyes as I felt my heart break. Covering my mouth, I muffled the sobs that wracked my body. _But the kiss. He was never going to say anything. He was going to pretend nothing happened...Did he ever love me?_

I removed my hand from my mouth as I clutched my chest. I tried desperately to gasp for air around my sobs, but I was too upset to steady my breathing._ He never loved me...I trusted him. _I let out my cries of anguish. The cries were enough to concern the guards as they opened the door and rushed to my aide.

"What is wrong with her?"

"I do not know. She was sleeping last I checked." Throwing my hand over my mouth, my body shook violently as I held my continuous sobs. The guards quickly pulled me off the wall. The youngest grabbed the water bowl from the tray and held it up for me to drink. I push the water away as my breathing becomes worse.

"What should we do?" The young elf tried hard not to show fear but it was obvious to me. The older elf just looked at him then back at me. I could feel my legs begin to go numb as the room tilted back and forth. I was having a panic attack and as much as I was hurting I knew deep down the only person who could help was the man who I felt most betrayed by.

"F-fili. P-p-pleasse." More tears were shed as the dreams played over in my mind. Closing my eyes I leaned my head back and bit my lower lip.

"Fili?"

"Must be one of the prisoners."

"H-he's theb-blonde dwarf." There was no reply, but I didn't care. Not with the pain that I felt. I let out a muffled cry as I was pulled up to my feet. The older elf quickly bound my wrists then draped a dark bag over my head and ordered the young one to take me to the dwarfs cell.

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

We walked so fast. Multiple times I tripped only to be yanked up by the restraints eliciting a cry from me. It was obvious it wasn't the same elf guard who tried to help me earlier but another who didn't seem to think my inability to breath very well as a good reason to slow down. With nearly falling I don't know how many times and having a dark sack over my head, it was safe to say that by the time we stopped, my hyperventilating didn't get better nor did it stop my crying.

Keys rattled, unlocking a lock and a creak of a door opening made me tense. _What if it's not Fili inside?_ I heard movement inside as the guard unbound my hands before shoving me to the ground. Just like that, someone was by my side, their hands on my shoulders as they pulled me to a sitting position. The slam of the cell door followed by the click of the lock cause me to jump.

"May?!" As the sack was removed, I slowly opened my eyes to meet the same blue eyes from my dream. The feeling of hurt came back ten fold and in a matter of seconds I broke down. The dwarf gathered me up in his arms and gently stroked my back. "You're safe now. It's ok. I've got you."

"No!" I frantically shook my head and pushed him away from me as I quickly got to my feet. The dwarf looked stunned to say the least as I wiped my nose on my sleeve.

"May. What-"

"No! It's n-not okay. N-noth-thing is ok-aay." I wanted so badly to yell and scream at him but all I could do was stutter as the tears fell continuously. Fili slowly stood to his feet, cautiously holding his hands up in front of him.

"May breath. You need to calm down. Please, just breath." Taking a few deep breaths, I stepped back keeping the distance between us. "It's okay. I won't hurt you."

"L-liar!" He stopped in mid-step, the look on his face was like he had been shot. "May, I don't-"

"No! You don't get to talk!" The dwarf's brows furrowed and reluctantly closed his mouth. "You...I trusted you. I believed you and you lied to me. About everything!" His eyes grew wide and in any other circumstance I would have found it to be adorable. Coving my mouth with the back of my hand, I took a shaky breath as I choked back a sob.

"May I never lied to you! I swear!"

"Shut up, Fili! I remember!" I staggered until my back hit the wall running my middle and ring fingers under my eyes, wiping away the stream of tears. "It was never Kili was it? It was all you. When I was hurt, you were there to help me. Why did you tell me it was Kili?"

"May...It's not that simple." Anger replaced the sobs as he looked everywhere but at me. Pushing off the wall I slammed his back against the opposite wall.

"No! It is that simple! You lied to me! I trusted you. I told you about my brother and you...you kissed me. You let me think that you lo..." The word caught in my throat as I gazed into the blue eyes I realized I was in love with.

"May. I never meant to-"

I scoffed. "To hurt me? So thats it...Losing my memory was your opportunity get out of hurting me and pushing me onto your brother."

"No! That was never it!" Fili grabsedmy face, his eyes still wide, fear mixing with hurt.

"Then why?!" My fist pounded against his chest as my tears roll over his thumb.

"Because you were never mine! You belong to Kili." It felt like my heart stopped as he said those words. Slowly I began shaking my head. _I belonged to Kili? But I don't love him...I can feel it. _"It was a mistake! I'm so sorry."

I wanted to die as I slowly pulled away avoiding his gaze. "So that's it. I belong to Kili and you..." Swallowing the lump that formed in my throat I took a shaky breath. "Did you even stop to consider how I felt? That maybe I didn't want to be with Kili?"

Fili began to shake his head before perking up staring at me in disbelief. "Do you...not want to be with him?"

Gazing into his eyes was all it took for the dwarf to react. In just a few steps he closed the space between us and lean down to capture my lips. Feeling his mouth open, I followed suit, allowing his tongue to explore my mouth. As our tongues danced against each other, I wrapped my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss eliciting a moan from the dwarf.

We only parted when the need to breath became too much. Leaning his forehead against mine our heavy breaths intermingled as his thumb gently caressed my cheek. "Why didn't you say something before?"

"I was confused. You kept telling me that I was with your brother but I don't know. Things felt different with you."

"How do you feel when you're with me?"

"Loved."

It was a simple question to answer. A smile spread across his face before he kissed me again. Though the kiss was slower than before, it didn't last long as Fili began planting small kisses across my cheek to my neck. Instinctively I lifted my head only to moan as he kissed the spot just below my ear. I could feel his lips curl into a smile before I felt his tongue gently glide over it. I shivered with pleasure as he continued his little attack. The combination of his tongue and the feeling of his mustache and beard rubbing against my neck was too much, and I became all too aware of how long it has been since I was intimate with another man.

Pulling him back, I reclaimed his lips. He gained dominance easily as he pushed me up against the nearest wall. "I have longed for this far too long." I could only nod as I pushed off his cloak hearing it hit the floor with a soft thud. He didn't seem to mind though as he went back to assaulting my neck. Wrapping his hands around my waist he pulled me closure, I was able to feel the hard outline of his cock. "Fili. Please."

"What is it my love?" I shivered at the term of endearment as he placed a soft kiss on my collar bone.

"Make me yours." The moment the words came out, the dwarf tensed. Pleasure turned to regret as he pulled away and stared at me mouth gaping.

"May..." _Shibal._ "Are you sure?" It was my turn to stare at him in disbelief and for a few moments I said nothing. Slowly I nodded my head. With a soft smile Fili kissed me again. His mouth moved against mine. The passion and want I felt in the kiss made me dizzy and at the first feel of his tongue in my mouth, I closed my lips and gently sucked on it. He moaned against my mouth. At the tug of my top, we broke the kiss. We quickly did away with our tops before he was pressed against me again. His lips exploring my chest while his hands struggled to remove my bra. Biting back my chuckle, I shooed his hands away and unclasped it. Straightening up, he gently pulled it down my arms before tossing it aside.

"So beautiful." My legs nearly give out from under me at the first touch of his lips on my breast. I let out a moan as he begins to lightly suck on my nipple and my mind is too far gone to think of anything else. It isn't until he is pulling me away from the wall and laying me on the ground that I realize he took care of completely undressing me.

The cold floor causes me to his at first but soon Fili is on top of me, kissing me and running his hand through my hair that I could care less. "Are you -"

"If you ask me if I'm sure one more time, I'm going to get dressed and make you suffer." He chuckled and placed a soft kiss on my lips before sitting up a bit. At the first push into me and I tensed. He was much thicker than I thought.

"Are you alright?" I nodded breathing deep to relax. Slowly he pushed in and after what felt like minutes he was flushed against me. Sweat formed on his brow as he held still. Leaning up, I gently kissed him and nodded.

His thrusts were slow and steady as he allowed me to get adjusted. A shift in his thrust was all it took for me to see stars. "Oh god!"

"Did I hurt you?!"

"No. Don't stop." He did it again, and again each time made it hard for me to not cry out loud. My legs wrapped around his waist causing us both to moan as he drove deeper into me.

"Faster. More."

Fili obliged, a predatory gleam in his eyes as he leaned down, biting my neck. It wasn't painful but shocking and I knew there would be a mark. _Bastard. _

I was getting close and he seemed to know it as well as he focused on the sweet spot on my neck. I quickly cover my mouth to muffle my moans but Fili was faster as he pinned my arm by my head. "So close...can't...too loud."

"I know." His pupils almost turned his eyes black with lust. His movements became harder, more deliberate on making me cry out in pleasure. It worked, need less to say.

"You're mine." The words were strained and commanding, and that was all it took for me to cry out Fili's name as waves of pleasure washed over me causing the dwarf to follow suite before collapsing on top of me.

We stayed in that position for a good several minutes before he rolled off. Reaching for his cloak, he pulled it over us as a make shift blanket. A smile was firmly planted on his face as he leaned down. The kiss was lazy but still amazing.

"Did I hurt you?" I shook my head with a smile. "Good." Rolling onto his side, he stroked my hair. Turning my head, I kissed his palm reveling in his affectionate touch. "Come here." I gladly scooted closer, pressing flush against his still naked body as he wrapped his arms around me. _I just made love with Fili. It was love making right? Not just sex..._

"I love you May." My eyes widened as I pulled back to see his face. He held a smirk, but I couldn't see anything that would imply he was joking.

"Really?!" My reaction received a laugh and kiss from the dwarf.

"Yes. Really." I practically pounced on top of him in excitement attacking his face with small kisses.

"Yatta! Jeo do saranghae yo!"

"What in Durin's name did you say?" Pulling back I looked down at him in slight confusion. Again he laughed as he pulled me down for another kiss. "You said..yata...chodo sara-"

"Oh!" Smiling in embarrassment, I ducked my head. "Yatta means...Yay!... and jeo do saranghae yo means I love you too."

"I see. How do you say it again?"

"Saranghae yo."

"Saranghae yo." It wasn't the perfect pronunciation but the way he said it was the most romantic thing I had ever heard. He gently stroked my cheek before leaning up to capture my lips again. There was no heat, no tongue, just passion and love.

"Sleep?" He nodded with a smile leaning his head back. With a sigh, I laid my head on his chest and smiled knowing that no matter what demons plagued my dreams, I had Fili now to protect me.

* * *

**So this was interesting to write. I had never written a sex scene before, so let me first apologize if it kind of sucks. -_- I hope that you all enjoyed reading it. Would love to hear your reviews on this chapter. **

**Translations: **

**Yatta! = Yay! **

**Oboette iru! = I remember! **

**Shibal = Shit. **

**Jeo do saranghae yo = I love you too. **

**saranghae yo.= I love you. **


End file.
